THINGS WE NEVER SEE ON;
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION.

- Picard turns to Riker after yet another of his suggestions fails and says;
	'What bloody use are you anyway?'

- After being told that full Phasers and a barrage of Photon Torpedoes
hasn't worked against an enemy, Picard turns to Worf and says;
	'YOU F-----G WHAT?'

- Ensign Can Onfodder joins an away team to the surface of an unknown
planet and is narrowly missed by a beam of energy that vaporises a major
character. (And they stay dead.)

- A Klingon Bird of Prey orders the Enterprise to surrender. The crew
looks at one another, looks at the screen and the puny ship that is shown
therein and, as one, says;
	'Yeah. Right.'
	And blasts them into space dust.

- Picard orders a mutton vindaloo from the replicator and then blames the
ensuing smells on Worf.

- Data screws a novelty vibrator to his head and runs around after Deanna.

- The crew go down to Ten-Forward after a particularly hairy episode and
get totally maggoted.

- The Borg appears on the screen and Picard screams like a woman and wets
his pants.

- Wesley accidently walks into a Klingon homosexual bathhouse and is
never heard from again.

- Beverly expresses the urge to have a retroactive abortion and slips
Worf twenty bars of gold-pressed latinum.

- The holodecks function properly.

- Something happens, and the excrement that hits the fan does not
splatter all over Barclay.

- Worf is caught in his quarters in a frilly, pink negligee and holding a
tea-party with his secret stash of fluffy toys.

- A runabout keeps the same name, and reference number for more than ten
minutes.

- Deanna leans too far over the captain's desk in his ready room, there
are two soft plops and a moment of extreme silence.

- Lersa and B'tor have a child and call it Wesley.

- A rogue Klingon appears in something other than a Bird of Prey.

- Lursa opens a twist-top beer bottle with her cleavage.

- Nothing.
THINGS WE NEVER SEE ON;
DEEP SPACE NINE.

-  Odo looks at Kieko and says to
   himself;
	'I could go her.'

-  After another conflict with the Cardassians, Obrien looks Garak up and
   down, thinks to himself and walks over to Sisko. They talk between
   themselves, look at Garak, look at each other, nod, draw their phasers
   and shoot him.

-  Jake is put into shock by his first wet dream.

-  Quark says;
	'On the house.'

-  Dax bursts forth, pretending to be an alien and says;
	'I've always wanted to do that'.

-  Bashir does something without going on about how great he was in the
   academy.

-  Benjamin is put into shock by his first wet dream.

-  Odo struts into ops and says;
	'Pull my finger.'

-  A Being comes from the Gamma Quadrant and has NO special powers and is,
   indeed almost identical to a human being.

-  Said Being is also not on the run from any government or similar
   organisation that will result in a 'Will I Break The Prime Directive'
   dilemna for Sisko.

-  Kira is put into shock by her first wet dream.

-  Odo turns himself into Dax's sheets.

-  A replicator malfunction means that the only thing to be dispensed is
   an 8" Black Mamba vibrator. Kira is nowhere to be seen. Neither is Jake.

-  Jadzia approaches Rom and says;
	'I want your body.'

-  The computers work.

-  Odo turns himself into Julian's sheets. (Eww)

-  Kira solves a problem with thought.

-  Odo does foul tricks by pretending to squeeze pimples and squirting
   bits of himself at people.

-  A transporter malfunction means that Jake is now only 8" tall. He
   disappears and Kira walks around for the rest of the episode with a
   strange smile on her face.

-  Quark says;
	'Y'know, Rom, you're absolutely right.'

-  Quark reports a criminal to Odo with no ulterior motive.

-  A new female officer arrives on the station and Julian doesn't
   instantly fall for her.

-  A crisis arises that is dealt with in under forty-five minutes, to the
   total satisfaction of all involved.


Just thought you might like to see this,
regards,

The DPB

	:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
	:)                                          		       (:
	:)   	'Peace Through Superior Flower Power!' ____________    (:
	:)         - The Dread Pirate Bowen	       |    ==	   \   (:
	:)                                     	       -------------\  (:
	:)       Euan Bowen                                   [)]  \   (:
	:)       Lunatic to the Gentry                          \   |  (:
	:)                                                       \  |  (:
	:)                                                        ---  (:
        (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: