>> IDIOTS! >> >> Sign in a gas station: Coke - - 49 cents. Two for a dollar. >> >> I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk >> noticed >> that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She >> informed >> me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was >> signed. >> When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the >> signature on the back of the credit card with the signature I just >> signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. >>She >> carefully compared the signature to the one I signed on the receipt. >>As >> luck >> would have it, they matched. >> >> IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY >> After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I >> described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss >>said, >> "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, >>I >> played along and said >> that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied "Oh, you mean over by >> Croatia?" >> >> ADVICE FOR IDIOTS >> An actual tip from page 16 of the HP Environmental, Health, & Safety >> Handbook for Employees: "Blink you eyelids periodically to lubricate >> your >> eyes." >> >> IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD >> I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the >> local township administrative office to request the removal of the >>Deer >> Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by >>cars >> and he no longer wanted them to cross there. >> >> IDIOTS & COMPUTERS >> My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office >>of >> a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have >>problems >> with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of >>the >> branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming out of >>the >> back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" >> >> IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE >> I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that >>the >> next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner >>became >> visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the >> amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless >>to >> say, she was very disappointed. >> >> IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE >> My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked >>the >> individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was >> sorry, but they only had iceberg. >> >> AN IDIOT'S IDIOT >> Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a >> metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a >>photocopy >> machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and >>police >> pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect was >>telling a >> lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect >>confessed.