If you bite your tongue, will you taste it.
Gump said life was like a box of chocolates and he was right because you never know what you are going to get. But life is also like a pie in that every piece is as good as the whole.
People say that war is hell and that hell is war. So, I say to you if you mess with me you are asking for hell.
People say that the blind are dumb, but I say that the dumb are blind.
Not in the way that they can't see, but in the way that they don't see................especially the one that stepped on my foot!!!
Time is the mother of all equalizers. It is light as a feather but worth its weight in gold.
Deaf and blind and yet it plunges into the vast expanse of the human race and kills. Watch for the unseen killers of Ignorance and Disbelief.
Here's a great candidate for the next Darwin Awards, you know, wherein an individual or group of individuals comes up with a really creative way to kill, or nearly kill, themselves... This story is courtesy of the Lewis & Floorwax Show on 103.5 FM, "The Fox" Radio in Denver.
Michigan, USA -- This guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for thirty- something thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go out to do some male bonding, taking along the pet dog. They decide to go duck hunting, and of course, it being mid-winter, all the lakes are frozen. These two nuclear physicists go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer, and the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice, and get ready.
First, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than a little old ice hole drill.
Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do manage to take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand Cherokee) are, they run the risk of slipping on the ice when they run to get away from the relatively short-burning fuse, and possibly even, going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and THE DOG? Yes... the dog. A highly trained Black Lab, wouldn't you know, used for retrieving, especially the retrieving of things thrown by the owner. You guessed it... the dog takes off at maximum doggy speed on the ice and gets to the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse when it hits the ice, all to the dismay of our two geniuses, who by now are yelling, stomping, waving their arms and wondering what the hell to do. The dog? Well it is quite happy with its accomplishment, and heads right back from where it came from moments before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting incredulity of our two duck hunting experts, who by now are really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to greater heights than ever before. Now one of our professors decides to think, something that he has not bothered to do before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the poor dog. The shotgun, unfortunately, is loaded with #8 duck shot, which is hardly enough to stop our Black Lab on its delivery mission. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and bounds on. Another shot rings out, and this time, the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & scared, thinking these 2 Nobel Prize candidates have gone insane. So now the poor Lab decides to find cover, with the now really short fuse burning on this stick of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? well, it's a big patch of open ice, so what else could there be, but... underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee, of course... It chooses to lick its wounds beneath the thirty-something thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice, along with the stick of dynamite. BOOM! The poor dog dies, and its splattered carcass, and the brand new Grand Cherokee -- the thirty-something thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle -- sink to the bottom of the lake leaving our two candidates for Masters of the Universe standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which, of course tells him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.. ..
SOON TO COME!!! Another great, odd, funny story courtesy of Brother Dorris!!
