*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
NOW: TWO WEEKS LATER
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was a blithe, laughing B’Elanna Torres who ran light-footedly
through the small apartment to answer the chiming of the doorbell. Her
good mood was due to the fact that she and Tom had just received word
that Voyager would be fully operational and ready to go in just over
four months -- exactly four days before their second wedding
anniversary.
The two were ecstatic that they’d be able to celebrate it on
Voyager among all of their friends. Their first wedding anniversary
had come about a month after Voyager’s return home. They’d had a quiet
dinner together, then had met a few friends for a drink, but the
joyousness of the occasion had been marred by the fact that all of
their friends were scattered around the galaxy and were unable to be
there to celebrate with them.
B’Elanna could hardly believe her good fortune. Life had become
bearable again these last two weeks. Tom had seemed to forget all
about her promise to think about contacting her mother, and she was
thankful. She *had* given the matter a lot of thought, but her two
sides were still warring with themselves. She simply could not decide.
She missed her mother. She always had. B’Elanna had not stopped
loving her mother just because of their argument, but Maiah Torres’s
words of long ago had hurt her deeply. Insults like that were not easy
to forgive, especially when they had come from the mouth of your own
mother.
A long, long time ago, shortly after her father had left, Maiah
had come into her small daughter’s bedroom late one night, supposing
she was asleep. B’Elanna had been awake, however, and had listened in
quiet amazement as her mother had stroked her hair and murmured words
of pity and love. Such an act of tenderness was unheard of in her
mother, yet it had happened. She was certain it had not been a dream.
It was for that reason and that reason alone that B’Elanna yearned to
see her mother again, to discover if the love her mother had shown that
night was still there.
But the stubborn half of her soul was hell-bent on holding the
long grudge. After all, her mother had called her a dishonorable half-
breed, among other words. Those cruel words had plunged into her
sensitive soul just as if her mother had used a knife, and the wound
refused to heal, even after all this time. She hadn’t seen or talked to
her mother in almost ten years, not since she was a young, naive
eighteen-year-old girl.
She was older now, and a great deal less naive, but the old hurts
still rankled in her heart. B’Elanna didn’t know if she could forgive
her mother for causing them.
It wasn’t time to think about that now, however. It was a time
for celebration. But first, she had to answer the chiming of the
doorbell.
She was smiling when she keyed open the door, but the moment after
she opened the door her smile immediately faded as she realized just
who was there.
Standing in the doorway was a tall Klingon woman with graying
locks of flame-red hair rippling over her shoulders. The expression on
her finely etched, aristocratic features was of nervousness -- and even
a little bit of fear. B’Elanna knew that face as well as she knew her
own.
“B’Elanna? Who’s here?” Tom Paris asked, coming up behind her.
His blue eyes widened as he caught sight of their visitor. Tom was
fully able to put two and two together, and he immediately grasped the
identity of the Klingon woman. “Oh.”
The Klingon woman’s eyes moved from B’Elanna’s face to his Tom’s.
“You’re -- Tom Paris?” she said. Her voice, not unlike B’Elanna’s
own, was smooth and rich but held the tiniest hint of apprehension.
“Yeah, that’s me,” Tom said, trying to smile reassuringly. It
was difficult with B’Elanna looking like she was about to faint at any
moment. He placed a supporting hand on her shoulder as he said, “And
you’re Maiah?”
The women he had guessed to be Maiah Torres nodded, her ebony eyes
moving back to B’Elanna, scrutinizing every detail of her daughter’s
still ashen face. She spoke again, still gazing at B’Elanna, but
directing her comment to Tom. “I received your message.”
B’Elanna came to life, whirling around on her heel to face her
husband. “Message?” she cried. “What message?”
“I sent your mother a communiqué a couple of weeks ago, after our
discussion,” Tom replied. “I invited her to come for a visit.”
She looked stricken, as though he had just slapped her across the
face. “You what?” she whispered, her mouth dropping open in shock.
“How -- oh, Tom, how *could* you?”
“Your mother has been trying to find you, and I helped her,” Tom
said, barely even flinching at her accusatory tone. “I thought it was
about time you two reconciled.”
“You thought! What gives *you* the right to -- to interfere?”
Tom’s cerulean blue eyes looked squarely into her dark brown ones.
“I’m only trying to help, B’Elanna.”
“I can’t believe you betrayed me like this -- and to *her*,” she
whispered. With a choked sob of anguish, she fled from the entryway.
“B’Elanna! Wait!” Tom called after her, but it was no use. She
had ran into the bedroom, violently slamming the door behind her.
He turned to Maiah, an apology on his lips, but she held up her
hand, stopping the words from leaving his mouth. “I see she still has
a temper.”
“Yeah,” he agreed ruefully. “She certainly does.”
“One of her inheritances from me, I’m afraid.” Maiah actually
looked guilty, as though she were completely to blame for her
daughter’s explosive temperament.
“I have a bit of a temper myself,” Tom told her with a half-
hearted smile. “I have to, living with B’Elanna. Um, do you need a
place to stay? We don’t have a spare bedroom, but -- “
“I have a room at the San Francisco Hilton,” Maiah assured him.
“I didn’t think B’Elanna would...appreciate...my presence here.”
“I should have told her you were coming,” Tom confided guiltily,
“but I thought it would be a nice surprise. I didn’t think she’d act
quite like this.”
Maiah began a reply, but before she could say a word, a blood-
curdling scream sounded from the bedroom. Tom’s heart skipped a beat
and he dashed to the bedroom, nearly tearing the door down in his haste
to get to B’Elanna. Maiah was right at his heels as he entered the
sleeping area.
B’Elanna was kneeling on the floor of the bedroom, clutching her
stomach with her face twisted into a horrible grimace of pain. “Tom,”
she whimpered as he all but threw himself down next to her, and nearly
screamed himself as he realized she was crouching in a pool of crimson
blood. “It hurts...oh, God...it started...suddenly...I can’t...” She
screamed again as another wave of pain crashed over her.
“You’ll be okay, B’Elanna,” Tom soothed with a terrified glance
to Maiah, who was already starting for the console to call for help.
“Don’t worry...everything will be all right.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
NOW: SIX HOURS LATER
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
But everything wasn’t all right.
Tom had gotten B’Elanna to Starfleet Medical as quickly as he
could, and had waited anxiously with Maiah for hours before a doctor,
grave and serious, had come to give them the sad news.
B’Elanna had suffered a miscarriage.
Tom was completely shocked. He hadn’t even known B’Elanna was
pregnant -- and, the doctor believed, neither had she.
“The baby was only a month old,” Doctor Kherson, the doctor in
charge of B’Elanna’s case, said solemnly. He was a kind, elderly
Betazoid man, and it troubled him to have to give such devastating news
to such a devoted young husband. It was the worst part of being both a
telepath and a doctor -- having to deal with the palpable emotional
pain of your patients and their families when a tragedy occurred. And
this tall young man and the older Klingon woman were projecting
sadness, shock, and grief so tangible that it was all the doctor could
do to shield his mind from it.
“Your wife had no idea what was happening,” he continued. “I
doubt she knew or even suspected she was pregnant. I can’t say I’m
surprised -- many Klingon women don’t show symptoms until after the
second month.”
Maiah Torres, who was as pale as a Klingon could be, nodded in
agreement. “When I was carrying B’Elanna, I didn’t have symptoms until
my third month.” She was strangely calm under the circumstances but,
the doctor realized, being Klingon it was easier for her to hide her
true emotions. He could sense the real heartache she was feeling.
“But, Doctor, what caused this?” Tom asked, a terrible wave of
guilt washing over him. Had *he* brought this about with his meddling?
B’Elanna had been so upset when Maiah had arrived that morning, and he
had been the one to invite her. Was this whole thing his fault?
Maiah’s expression indicated that she was thinking much the same thing.
“She was -- very upset -- this morning. Could that be why...?”
Doctor Kherson shook his head. “The most common cause of
miscarriages -- in sixty percent of all cases, in fact -- is
abnormality in development of the fetus, usually as a result of extra
chromosomes. That was most likely the case with your wife. We’re
still running tests, however.” He managed a reassuring smile. “Don’t
worry, Mr. Paris. No one was to blame for this. It was just one of
those things.”
“Can I see her?” Tom said. He was slightly relieved that he
hadn’t caused B’Elanna to lose the baby, but that relief was quickly
replaced by an almost overwhelming wave of sorrow. He hadn’t even
known he was going to become a father -- but the grief he felt was as
acute as if he had known.
“Yes, but she’s sedated. She’s lost a lot of blood and I want her
to lie still for a while. She’s on the second floor, room two twenty-
seven.”
Tom nodded his thanks and started down the corridor towards the
turbolift, with Maiah following him. Doctor Kherson watched them go,
shaking his head sadly. He felt dreadfully sorry for them, but there
was nothing anyone could have done. Besides, Mrs. Paris was young and
strong, and in time she’d fully recover and be able to have dozens of
children.
But that didn’t make the sorrow of now any easier to bear -- for
any of them.
*** **** ***
When B’Elanna awoke from her drugged sleep the next morning, the
first then she saw was sunlight streaming through the windows of her
hospital room. For an instant she was disoriented, but then the
memories of the preceding night washed over her and she closed her
eyes, wishing she could sleep forever. She couldn’t feel this mind-
numbing sensation of pain and loss when she was asleep.
She hadn’t known she was pregnant -- she hadn’t suspected a thing.
There had been no symptoms whatsoever; she had felt absolutely nothing
out of the ordinary. In a way, B’Elanna was grateful that she hadn’t
known. The heartache would have been worse if she had.
But that still didn’t help alleviate the grief she was feeling
*now*. The baby -- *her* baby -- was gone. The poor little thing had
barely started to live when its tiny little life had been cruelly
snuffed out by forces of nature unbeknownst to even the best of the
best of Starfleet doctors.
Doctor Kherson had been very kind. He had explained that the
miscarriage wasn’t her fault, nor anybody else’s, and that these things
just happened sometimes. His sympathetic rationalizations hadn’t made
the pain any easier to bear, though, nor would anything else. B’Elanna
had never given much thought to parenthood before -- she and Tom had
never discussed it -- but B’Elanna knew that, at this very moment, she
would gladly give up anything and everything she had if only her little
baby could live.
There was a horrible empty, aching feeling in her abdomen, and she
felt exhausted and weak despite her long sleep. Her lips were dry and
parched, and she wished longingly for a glass of cool water to soothe
her dry throat.
“B’Elanna?” a quiet voice suddenly asked.
She nearly jumped out of her skin, for she hadn’t realized there
was anyone else in the room. She turned towards the voice and received
a second shock -- it was her mother.
“How do you feel?” Maiah Torres asked, her concern apparently
sincere.
B’Elanna spoke before she thought. “What are *you* doing here?”
As soon as the words had escaped her lips, she regretted them. To her,
the question sounded unbearably rude, and if memory served her, Maiah
Torres could and would not tolerate rudeness. The last thing B’Elanna
wanted to face right now was her mother’s formidable anger.
To her surprise, however, Maiah barely blinked an eye. “I sent
Thomas back to the apartment to get some rest. He sat up with you all
night and he was exhausted -- even though he wouldn’t admit it. He’s a
stubborn one, I’ll say that for him.”
“Thomas?” B’Elanna repeated. No one but Tom’s parents called him
by his full name -- and Tom himself disliked it.
“As you already know, I don’t particularly care for nicknames.
‘Thomas’ suits him, anyway.”
Was it her imagination, B’Elanna wondered, or was there just the
faintest glimmer of amusement in her mother’s eyes? She must be seeing
things -- maybe she was still groggy from the sedative. “How long have
you been here?” was B’Elanna’s next question.
“Since you were brought in yesterday, of course. Where do you
think I’d be?” Maiah asked indignantly.
“Oh, I don’t know -- maybe the same place you’ve been for the last
nine years,” B’Elanna answered bitterly, turning her head away. She
didn’t want any pretend sympathies from her mother -- the same woman
who had kicked her eighteen-year-old daughter out of her house just for
trying to realize a dream. Hopefully, if she made her mother angry
enough, she’d leave.
But Maiah didn’t become angry. “You were over sixty thousand
light-years away for five of those years, you know,” she pointed out.
“I couldn’t have contacted you even if I’d wanted to.”
The truth of this statement made B’Elanna feel ashamed of herself,
but the next moment she was furious at her own mortification. “You
didn’t want to, I’m sure,” she retorted icily.
“Your grandfather died.”
B’Elanna’s head jerked sharply around and she stared at her
mother, confused as to what this matter-of-fact mention of her
grandfather’s death -- the grandfather she had never known, much less
met -- had to do with the current conversation.
“He died shortly after you left for the Academy,” Maiah
continued. “As eldest daughter of the House of Jonta’oS, I had to
travel to the Klingon homeworld and take over supervision of his
affairs. I tried contacting you, but red tape and stubborn Klingon
officials made it almost impossible – you know how touchy relations
were between Klingons and Earth back then, not to mention that
complications arose with your grandfather’s estate that took up most of
my spare time. When I finally managed to contact the Academy, it was
almost a year later and you had already joined the Maquis.” Maiah
paused, then added in a quiet, almost inaudible voice, “I did miss
you.”
B’Elanna tried not to show how much this unexpected admission
astonished her. “Yeah, right,” she said skeptically. “You called me a
dishonorable half-breed, a coward with no honor, and you told me to get
out of your house. I’m sure you were positively miserable once I was
gone.”
Maiah looked pained at these words. “At the time, I was angry.”
“Angry? You were furious!”
“All right, I was furious,” Maiah conceded. “And I stayed that
way for a few days after you left. But after a little while my anger
died down and I regretted every single word I had said to you.” She
paused, absently toying with a strand of her long red hair. “I didn’t
try contacting you because I was afraid you’d refuse to speak with me.”
“*You* were *afraid*?” B’Elanna exclaimed before she could catch
herself. The entire concept was so ludicrous -- as far as she knew,
her mother had *never* been afraid of anything.
“Even more so after I spoke with a young lady who knew you,
Patricia Brooker -- she’s Patricia Mathews now, I believe -- and she
told me what had happened to your ship in the Badlands.”
“I know. I saw her a few weeks ago. We -- had an argument about
you.”
“About me?”
“She thought I should contact you. I didn’t agree.”
“Was that why you were so angry with Thomas yesterday?”
“Yes! Mother, he *betrayed* me. He interfered -- “
B’Elanna suddenly cut herself off, dismayed at the words she was
hearing from herself. “ -- just like I interfered when Tom and
his father reconciled. He was trying to help, like he said, and
I -- I treated him horribly.” B’Elanna buried her face in her
hands. “And now this happened -- he probably hates me.”
“B’Elanna Torres!” Maiah spoke sharply. “You are *not* to blame
for this, do you understand me? You heard the doctor said. As for
Thomas, if he hated you, would he have spent the night by your side,
refusing to leave until I all but threw him out the door so he wouldn’t
pass out from sheer exhaustion? No, he wouldn’t have! Kahless’ bones,
child, don’t be a fool!”
“What right do you have to tell me how to act and how to feel?
You have no idea what it feels like to -- to -- “ She choked over her
words and bowed her head to hide her suddenly tear-filled eyes.
“Oh, haven’t I?” her mother said, a forgotten anguish springing
into her dark Klingon eyes. “Before you were born, I was pregnant with
a baby boy. When I was five months along, I had a miscarriage. The
human doctors told me that I’d never be able to carry a half-human
child to term, but two years later you came along, despite their
prognosis. My marriage to your father may have been a mistake, but you
weren’t and I have never regretted your birth; never!” Maiah broke off
suddenly, having revealed more then she had intended to.
Two pairs of identical dark Klingon eyes stared into each other,
and both women realized that the pain of losing a child was firmly
etched into their respective souls. The shared sorrow only served to
strengthen the occasionally wavering but permanently intact bond that
had always joined their hearts together, despite both of their refusals
to openly acknowledge it. That bond had always been there and would
always be there, no matter what happened or how far apart they were
separated -- and at that very moment, both of them recognized that bond
as one that would last forever, albeit their attempts to forget it over
the years. Now, however, wasn’t a time for forgetting. It was a time
for forgiveness.
“Do you remember,” B’Elanna said in a voice very near to a
whisper, “when you came into my room, late at night, a few weeks after
Daddy left?”
Maiah gazed at her daughter with wide, surprised eyes. “You were
awake?”
She nodded. “You stroked my hair -- and you called me your ‘poor,
sweet little one’.”
“I thought you were asleep,” Maiah admitted, something like guilt
creeping into her voice. “I didn’t know you could hear me.”
“I’m glad I did,” B’Elanna said simply. “Mother, I’m sorry.
About -- about the baby you lost...and everything else.”
“I should be the one apologizing,” Maiah said gently. “I
shouldn’t have said and acted the way I did when you were accepted to
the Academy. Will you forgive me?”
“Only if you’ll forgive me, too.”
Mother smiled at daughter, and both reached simultaneously to
grasp the other’s hand.
Tom Paris chose to enter the room at this juncture. He stopped
dead in his tracks at the sight of Maiah smiling and holding his wife’s
hand. For a moment he backed up as though he’d entered the wrong room.
He had been afraid that if he left the two of them alone for very long,
conscious or otherwise, one of them would eventually maim or kill the
other -- hence his early return to the hospital.
“Thomas,” Maiah said, releasing B’Elanna’s hand and glaring at
Tom with her sternest expression, “I thought you were going to get some
sleep.”
“I did,” he said, cringing visibly at the look she gave him.
“Four hours?”
Tom said, with a helpless gesture towards his wife, “I -- I didn’t
want to leave B’Elanna alone.”
“You were afraid that we’d kill each other, you mean,” Maiah said
coolly. “Well, you shouldn’t have worried, Thomas. B’Elanna and I are
two civilized adults and I think we’re capable of acting maturely.”
Klingon though she was, Maiah had to stifle a wild burst of
laughter at the bewildered expression on her son-in-law’s face.
B’Elanna’s face showed no hint of the amusement that her mother was
having trouble containing, but Maiah knew that it would be a long while
before B’Elanna laughed or smiled again.
“It’s okay, Tom,” B’Elanna said suddenly, lifting her eyes to
meet her husband’s. “Really. It’s okay.”
Tom swiftly crossed the small room and reached for her hand,
taking it in his own. B’Elanna clung to it as though it were a
lifeline. His other hand went to her cheek and caressed it tenderly,
his thumb running lightly over her jawbone.
“I -- I think I will return to my hotel room and get some sleep,”
Maiah said quickly, rising from her chair and backing towards the
doorway. Her daughter and son-in-law needed to be alone right now, and
she wasn’t about to stick around and, as humans phrased it, “play
gooseberry”.
“I’ll see you later, Maiah,” Tom said, keeping his eyes fixed on
B’Elanna’s face.
“Good-bye, Mother,” B’Elanna said absently, resting her face
against Tom’s strong hand.
The minute Maiah was gone, Tom’s arms moved to encircle B’Elanna
and hold her firmly against his body. B’Elanna buried her face into
the comforting warmth of his chest, allowing a few small tears to
escape the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Tom,” she choked, grateful that
what her mother had said was true -- he didn’t blame her for what had
happened. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh,” he murmured, gently stroking her red-brown hair. “It’s
not your fault, sweetheart. I’m just glad you’re all right. When I
saw all of that blood -- “ He broke off, hugging her tightly as though
he were afraid that she would slip away from him at any moment.
They sat and held each other for a long while, neither of them
breaking the stillness with words, but instead speaking in the silent
language of lovers -- a language that no one but themselves could hear
or understand.
“Tom,” B’Elanna said suddenly, her voice muffled against the
fabric of his shirt, “you were right. About Mother and I. For once in
our lives, I think we’re friends. Just now, she was so sympathetic and
understanding -- oh, Tom, she was so *motherly*! You were right about
everything. I’m sorry I was angry with you. I should’ve listened.”
“Well, now we’re even,” Tom consoled her. “You reunited me with
my father and I reunited you with your mother.” The sudden irony of
the entire situation caused him to chuckle slightly. “We’re not
exactly storybook families, are we?”
“No, I guess not,” B’Elanna admitted, snuggling deeper into his
arms. “But everything’s going to be all right now, I think.”
“I don’t think,” Tom told her, placing a tender kiss on her cheek
and resting his chin on the top of her head. “I know.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
EPILOGUE: FOUR MONTHS LATER
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“So,” Maiah Torres asked through the commlink that connected
herself, on the Klingon homeworld, to her daughter on Earth, “Voyager
leaves in two weeks?”
“Right,” B’Elanna Paris answered, obvious excitement filling her
voice. “She’s been completely overhauled and restored to mint
condition, and she’s ready to go.”
“‘She’?” Maiah teased lightly. “You still speak of that ship as
if it’s a real person. Thomas does it quite often, or so I’ve
noticed.”
B’Elanna grinned. “So does everyone else. Voyager was our home
for five years, and I guess we became attached to her. Mother, if you
could see her, you’d begin to feel the same way. She’s not just a
ship, she’s a -- a presence. She has a soul.”
“A ship? With a soul? Dap, puqbe’!”
B’Elanna shook her head and chuckled. “Oh, Mother.” While a few
years ago her mother’s obstinate opinions might have irritated her, now
she actually found them amusing.
“Have the rest of your friends arrived on Earth yet?” Maiah said.
“Neelix was the last to arrive, and he came yesterday,” B’Elanna
said, smiling at the memory. “We had dinner together last night. None
of them have changed except for Seven of -- excuse me, Annika Hansen --
and I barely recognized her! actually learned how to smile, believe
it or not. But Captain Janeway, Chakotay, Harry, Neelix, the doctor --
all of them are the same as ever -- and I’m glad. I wouldn’t want any
of them to change.”
“Did they know about....what happened? I mean, about the baby?”
Maiah said, her tone gentle.
After a brief pause, B’Elanna answered, “Yes.” A tiny, almost
undetectable sliver of pain was hidden in her calm voice. Although it
had been four months since her miscarriage, both mother and daughter
knew that that particular wound would never completely heal. “Tom saw
Harry a few weeks after I got out of the hospital, and told him what
happened. Harry told the others.” In truth, B’Elanna was glad her
friends knew. It made conversation a lot less awkward.
“That’s good.” Maiah understood how she felt. “Have you received
official orders from Starfleet yet?”
“Yesterday, actually. I have to admit, it was strange seeing
‘Lieutenant B’Elanna Paris’ after answering to ‘Professor Paris’ for
all of these months.”
“My daughter, the teacher,” Maiah said, smiling in amusement. “I
still wonder how you had the patience for it.”
“Academy students are surprisingly well-behaved...unless they’re
like I was,” B’Elanna said, her eyes dancing. “Luckily, I know how to
handle those particular ‘problem children’.”
“Oh, B’Elanna, you were never a problem child. A bit
temperamental, perhaps, but never a problem child.”
“Tell that to my elementary school principal.”
The two women shared a moment of laughter. “Well, I suppose I’d
better let you go,” Maiah said, a bit reluctantly. “I’m sure you have
much to do before you leave.”
“Oh, I do -- wait a moment, I almost forgot why I called you in
the first place!” B’Elanna exclaimed. “I have some good news for you.
Guess what it is.”
“B’Elanna, I detest guessing games.”
“Oh, come on, Mother. Humor me for once. Please?”
“Oh, all right.” Maiah paused and thought for a moment. “You’re
coming to visit Qo’noS?”
“No, guess again.”
“Thomas was promoted to Commander?”
“Nope.”
“*You* were promoted to Commander?”
“Not that, either.”
“Well, B’Elanna, tell me!” Maiah said impatiently. “I give up.
What is it?”
B’Elanna’s eyes sparkled as she gazed at her mother through the
screen of the console, aware of the distance that separated them but
suddenly feeling very close to her. “Maiah Torres...you’re going to be
a grandmother!”
THE END
==============================================