Autumn Leaves (Voy, P/T, PG)
by JoAnna Walsvik
     
     *He’s looking at me again,*  B’Elanna thought 
uncomfortably.  She didn’t meet his stare, but turned 
back to her plate, trying to ignore the piercing but 
discreet gaze coming from the pilot’s table.
     Ever since she had told Tom that she didn’t want 
their relationship to go beyond friendship, she had 
often caught his somewhat unsettling gazes.  The man 
constantly stared at her, but so discreetly that no one 
else had noticed.  Tom couldn’t seem to keep his eyes 
off of her.
     She didn’t let on that she knew of his little 
habit, but she couldn’t help being uncomfortable.  She 
had told Tom that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, 
and that she just thought of him as a friend, but then 
why did his gaze affect her so?  Why did she go weak in 
the knees if she happened to meet his clear blue eyes?  
Why did she become insanely jealous when she heard 
rumors about Tom and Megan Delaney?
     *Stop it, Torres,* she told herself severely.  
*You’re being paranoid.  He’s probably not staring at 
you at all.  You’re probably just imagining it.*  Just 
to be sure, she sneaked a quick glance in his 
direction.  He was staring at her, but his head 
abruptly turned away when he met her eyes.
     She turned away also, staring moodily into her 
coffee.  Damn it, why was he affecting her like this?  
She was not ready for a relationship.  She was too 
afraid of being hurt again.  And Tom didn’t exactly 
have a spotless reputation.  She couldn’t risk giving 
her heart away.
     *Then why is it so hard to convince yourself?* a 
tiny voice inside her asked.  B’Elanna, startled at 
this thought from within herself, couldn’t answer.

     “Hi, B’Elanna,” Tom Paris said cheerfully, meeting 
her in a turbolift a few days later.
     “Hi, Tom,” she replied quietly.  If Paris wasn’t 
going to say anything about his behavior, then neither 
was she.  Hopefully, the turbolift would get to his 
destination soon.
     “Hey, I’m glad I ran into you,”  Paris continued 
brightly.  “I was wondering if you’d want to try out a 
new holodeck program with me.  Harry helped me program 
it and it’s really neat.  The captain gave us the idea, 
actually.  It’s autumn in her home state of Indiana.  
You’ll love it.”
     “Um -- sure, I guess,”  B’Elanna said uncertainly.  
“Are we -- I mean, will anyone else will be there?”
     “Harry,”  Tom replied.  “Probably the captain too.  
Tomorrow at 1400, Holodeck 2?”
     “Okay,”  B’Elanna said, relieved that she and Tom 
wouldn’t be alone.  “I’ll see you there.”
     “Great!”  Tom said enthusiastically as the 
turbolift stopped at deck 8, where his quarters were 
located.  “See you later!”  He stepped off and gave her 
a friendly wave.  B’Elanna half expected him to start 
whistling.
     “Yeah,”  she remarked to the empty turbolift as it 
started to move.  “See you later.”

     When B’Elanna arrived at Holodeck 2 the next day, 
Tom was the only one present.  “Hi, B’Elanna,” he said 
cheerfully.  “Looks like Harry and the captain won’t be 
able to join us, so it’s just you and me.”  He gave her 
an sunny smile and offered her his arm.
     B’Elanna was silently fuming.  *The jerk,* she 
thought fiercely.  *He probably planned this all along.  
Well, I’ll show him.  I’ll be sullen and boring the 
entire time, and he’ll hate it.*
     Once inside the holodeck, B’Elanna gasped.  They 
were standing in the backyard of a huge, colonial-style 
house.  The yard was filled with oak trees that were 
losing their leaves, and the ground was covered with 
the red, brown, and orange foliage.  The air was crisp 
and invigorating, just the right temperature for what 
B’Elanna guessed was the middle of October.
     “That’s where Captain Janeway grew up,”  Tom said, 
gesturing toward the house.  “This is about seventeen 
kilometers outside of Bloomington, Indiana.  I think 
Harry and the captain programmed it to be somewhere in 
October.  Great, isn’t it?”
     “It’s wonderful,”  B’Elanna murmured, forgetting 
her vow to be sullen and boring.  “Captain Janeway grew 
up here?  She was lucky.”
     “Tell me about it,”  Tom said wistfully.  “I grew 
up in San Francisco.  It’s okay if you like big cities, 
but I like the country better.  However, my father 
wanted to be near Starfleet Headquarters, so....”  he 
trailed off and shrugged.  B’Elanna caught the flash of 
anger and resentment in his eyes at the mention of his 
father.  *I wonder why he dislikes his father so much,* 
she wondered momentarily.    
     “On Kessik IV, where I grew up,”  B’Elanna began, 
thinking it best to change the subject, “it was always 
summer.  When I went to the Academy, my classmates were 
amazed that I didn’t know what snow was or how a tree 
looked when it lost its leaves.”
     “I’ve always loved autumn,” Tom admitted, taking a 
deep breath of the cool fall air.  “My mom used to buy 
pumpkins and make pumpkin pie from scratch -- no 
replicator.  You won’t find anything like them in 
Neelix’s kitchen.”   The pilot gazed around the 
holodeck, suddenly very homesick for Earth.  This was 
very authentic.  Harry and the captain had done a very 
good job.  The temperature and scenery were perfect.  
There were even leaf piles scattered around the yard, 
like someone had just finished raking.
     Suddenly, Tom had an inspiration.  “Hey, 
B’Elanna,” he said mischievously.  “Ever jumped into a 
leaf pile?”
     She looked at him questioningly, and he grinned.  
Running as fast as he could, he took a flying leap into 
one of the piles.  The satisfying crunch of the leaves 
as they softly cushioned him was just as he remembered 
it.  “Come on!” he called.  “It’s fun!”  
     *Oh, what the hell,*  B’Elanna thought.  She 
mimicked Tom, speeding toward the nearest pile and 
diving in.  Buried under an avalanche of leaves, she 
began to laugh, a clear, blithe, almost musical sound 
that echoed across the farmland.   Tom’s low chuckle 
joined her, and soon both were laughing uncontrollably.
     Soon, B’Elanna had forgotten any previous 
discomfort she had felt and was having the time of her 
life, just jumping into leaf piles.  She shouted and 
laughed and cheered, her cheeks red from the crisp 
autumn air, her dark eyes sparkling vivaciously.  Tom 
looked at her and thought, *She is so beautiful.*  
     Whooping, B’Elanna picked up a bunch of leaves and 
threw them at Paris, laughing when they got caught in 
his hair and made him look like a tribble with a bad 
fur day.  Tom threw leaves back at her, and eventually 
the two of them became involved in a huge leaf fight.  
Leaves were flying every which way, and it was hard to 
tell who was throwing leaves at who.  The battle 
finally ended when Tom tackled the chief engineer and 
started to tickle her.  To his amazement, she began to 
screech, making a futile attempt to push his arms away 
-- futile because she was laughing so hard she could 
barely talk, much less push him away.  They rolled 
around in the leaves, Tom tickling B’Elanna and 
B’Elanna laughing uncontrollably, until both of them 
were too exhausted to move.  
     Paris collapsed on a pile of leaves next to 
B’Elanna, tears rolling down his face as he laughed.  
By his side, B’Elanna was giggling quietly, 
inadvertently resting her head against his shoulder.
     Tom glanced over at B’Elanna the exact same time 
she looked over at him.  The two locked eyes, neither 
one wanting to look away.
     And suddenly, his lips were on hers and he was 
kissing her with a passion that surprised even himself.  
B’Elanna astonished him by wrapping her arms around his 
neck and kissing him just as eagerly.  The pilot and 
the engineer sank into the soft cushion of foliage 
beneath them, oblivious to anything but each other.  
     “Janeway to Paris.  Please report to Transporter 
room 2 for an away mission.”  Paris silently groaned, 
his lips still on B’Elanna’s.  *Captain, you have the 
worst timing ever!*  he thought haplessly.
     “Acknowledged,” he said, tapping his commbadge.  
Reluctantly, he stood up.  After reaching out to softly 
caress B’Elanna’s cheek, he left the holodeck.

     “How was the holodeck?”  Harry asked, meeting the 
chief engineer in the corridor outside of Engineering.  
To his surprise, B’Elanna turned a deep shade of red.
     “Harry Kim, did you set that up?” she demanded, 
glaring at him, her hands on her hips.
     “Set what up?” he said, honestly bewildered.  All 
he had done was, with the captain’s help, program a 
holodeck simulation reminiscent of an Indiana autumn.  
He had wanted to visit it today, but minor malfunctions 
on the bridge had kept both him and the captain away.
     B’Elanna studied him for a moment, and decided he 
was being sincere.  “Nothing,” she said, shaking her 
head.  She walked into Engineering, Harry close behind 
her.  
     “What?” he persisted.  “Set what up?  Did 
something happen between you and Tom?”  Harry wasn’t 
being nosy.  He was just concerned about them.  Tom and 
B’Elanna were, after all, the two best friends he had 
aboard Voyager.
     B’Elanna blushed again, then quickly glanced 
around to make sure no one was listening.  “Well,” she 
said, her voice almost in a whisper, “something did -- 
kind of happen.”
     “What do you mean, kind of?”  Harry replied, his 
voice a whisper as well.
     She turned an even deeper shade of crimson, much 
to Harry’s amusement.  He had never seen a Klingon 
blush before.  “He -- well, we -- we kind of kissed,” 
she admitted.
     “Kissed?”  Harry exclaimed softly, being careful 
not to raise his voice.  If he ever let this get out, 
B’Elanna would kill him.  She would make sure it was a 
painful death as well.  “Like, seriously kissed?  Or 
just-friends kissed?”
     “Harry,”  B’Elanna said, looking him straight in 
the eye and holding her thumb and her forefinger a 
centimeter apart, “we came this close to -- well, you 
get the idea.”  Blushing yet again, she started 
working, too embarrassed to look at the ensign.
     Kim pondered this for a moment.  “What happened?” 
he finally asked.  “Why didn’t you -- “
     “Because the captain called for him to go on an 
away mission, that’s why,”  B’Elanna said, again 
looking around to make sure there was no one within 
earshot.  She grabbed Kim’s collar, jerked his face to 
only an inch away from hers, and hissed, “If you tell 
anyone I will hit you so hard your body will get to the 
Alpha Quadrant before your head will.  Understand?”  
She let go of his collar and went on with her business 
as though nothing had happened.
     “I understand perfectly,”  Kim assured her wryly, 
rubbing his neck.  “No one will ever know except for 
you, me, and Tom.”
     “And make sure it stays that way,” she said 
firmly.  “I don’t know if -- what we -- or him -- or at 
least I won’t until Tom returns from this away 
mission.”
     “If you want my opinion,” Harry said slowly, a 
grin forming on his face, “I think you two are perfect 
for each other.”
     B’Elanna didn’t say anything more, but Harry could 
see her smile.

     Harry couldn’t help but grin.  The captain was 
looked so sullen that she resembled a little girl who 
had been told she had to eat her broccoli before she 
had dessert.
     Voyager had stopped to replenish their a woman in 
a station slightly above a slave, let alone a woman 
captain.  So, albeit reluctantly, Janeway let Chakotay 
take over the diplomacy proceedings.  Because of the 
severe electromagnetic storms in the lower atmosphere 
of the planet, it was almost impossible to transport 
down, hence Tom Paris’s away mission.
     Janeway hadn’t made a secret of the fact that she 
disapproved of patriarchal societies altogether.  She 
respected the Psattian’s beliefs, but that didn’t mean 
she had to like them.  Harry could see her sitting in 
her chair, a pout on her otherwise emotionless face as 
she wished that she could be the one who made the 
initial contact with this society.
     Mostly to alleviate her boredom, she turned to her 
chief engineer.  “B’Elanna, how are the modifications 
to the transporters coming?  On schedule?”
     “Yes, Captain,”  Torres replied quietly.  “We 
should have transporter capability in about fifteen 
minutes.”
     “Good,” the captain nodded, turning back to face 
the viewscreen.  She was still obviously sullen, and 
Harry Kim couldn’t resist the chance to rib her a bit.
     “Oh, cheer up, Captain.  It’s not that bad,”  he 
remarked.
     “You would say that.  These people won’t treat you 
like you’re the lowest form of scum on the universe,” 
was her sour reply, but a small smile had formed at the 
corners of her mouth.  
     “I would hope not; I get enough of that on 
Voyager,”  he said mischievously.  
     His ploy to get a full-fledged smile out of her 
worked.  She turned around in her seat and glanced up 
at him, shaking her head in amusement.  “Harry, what 
would I ever do without you?”
     He just barely managed to keep a straight face as 
he replied, “Die of boredom.”
     Janeway chuckled.  “Yeah, I’ll bet,” she said, 
turning back to face the viewscreen, her glum attitude 
diminished.  
     Throughout this entire repartee, B’Elanna Torres 
had been at her station, working quietly and 
desperately trying to keep her mind off Tom Paris.  
Damn it, why couldn’t she stop thinking about him?  It 
had just been a few kisses.  Nothing to get excited 
about..
     No, she was wrong.  It was something to get 
excited about.  Those kisses had been more then just 
casual pecks on the cheek.  She had been overwhelmed by 
all of the burning emotions that had flooded over her.  
But there was something else.  When he had kissed her, 
she had felt something -- what, she wasn’t quite sure 
of.  A spark of -- of what had seemed like recognition.  
But that was impossible.  She had never before met Tom 
Paris before coming on Voyager.  And she had been 
kissed before, but she had never felt such passion or 
desire with anyone else.  
     But there was more then that.  Today, on the 
holodeck, jumping into leaf piles with the careless 
abandon of a child, she had the time of her life.  
Sure, she had played hoverball with Chakotay and 
Parises Squares with Freddy Bristow, and she had 
participated in other activities with other friends, 
but she had never felt as open or as free with anyone 
else other then Tom Paris.
     She had to admit, these feelings were scaring her.  
She had never really trusted men ever since she was 
five years old and her father had deserted her.  To 
give her heart to a man, to confide in one of them, was 
almost a horrifying thought.  
     And there was the matter of Paris’s reputation 
aboard ship.  A womanizer, a criminal, a traitor -- she 
had heard them all, and she wasn’t sure what to 
believe.  When she had first met Paris, she had been 
more then willing to believe all of them -- but then 
had come the incident with the Vidiians.  He had 
comforted her, protected her -- and saved her life.  
After all they had been through, she couldn’t help but 
respect him a great deal more then she had.  And when 
the ship had been “twisted” by that spatial distortion, 
he had been calm, cool, and collected; she had been a 
nervous, impatient wreck.  He certainly seemed 
reliable, but B’Elanna Torres wanted one-hundred 
percent solid concrete evidence before she ever trusted 
another man in a relationship.
     “Captain, the planet is hailing us,”  Ensign Kim 
announced suddenly.  Janeway looked at Tuvok, who 
nodded and stepped down to assume command while Janeway 
quietly moved off to the side.  
     “On screen,”  Tuvok ordered calmly. 
     Chancellor Esmett Traaa, the Psatt leader, 
appeared on the viewscreen.  The chancellor’s hair was 
tousled, his face was covered with sweat, and he looked 
to be very agitated.
     “I am Lieutenant Tuvok.  May I help you, 
Chancellor?”  Tuvok asked politely.     
     “Lieutenant, there’s been a terrible....accident,”  
the chancellor replied, obviously distraught.   “A 
terrorist act -- a member of a radical group -- somehow 
slipped past our security teams and entered a 
government building.  He -- he was armed.  He started 
shooting wildly, at anyone and anything -- your -- your 
Lieutenant Paris was caught in the crossfire.”
     The entire bridge crew became silent, unable to 
believe their ears.  Many pairs of eyes stared at the 
viewscreen in horror, awaiting the Chancellor’s next 
words with trepidation.  Had Paris been injured?  Or 
worse -- 
     “Was he killed?”  Tuvok asked candidly, his Vulcan 
face impassive and emotionless as always.
     The Chancellor relaxed slightly, but his face 
remained grave.  “No,” he admitted.  “But he was 
seriously injured.  He’s in our medical facility now -- 
our doctors are working on him.  We -- we aren’t 
familiar with your race -- I don’t know if we’ll be 
able to save him.”
     “We just regained transporter capability,”  
B’Elanna blurted from her station.  Her face was white 
and her hands were trembling so much she could barely 
work her console.  “We could beam him to sickbay.”
     Tuvok nodded almost imperceptibly.  “We will beam 
him to our ship immediately,”  he informed the 
Chancellor, who nodded.  The moment the viewscreen went 
black, Janeway leaped up from her seat.
     “Do it,” she ordered.  
     A moment later, Harry Kim reported, “Tom’s in 
sickbay now, Captain.  The commander is there too.”
     Without another word, Janeway strode to the 
turbolift and left the bridge.  B’Elanna felt like 
screaming as Tuvok silently sat back down in the center 
chair.  *How can you be so calm?!*  she wanted to 
shout.  *Tom is dying -- maybe dead already!  How can 
you just sit there like nothing had happened?  Damn 
you, Tuvok, say something!  Do something!  Just don’t 
sit there!*
     But Tuvok, as always, was quiet.  B’Elanna 
swallowed hard, and tried to prepare herself for the 
long wait that was ahead of her.

     In sickbay, Commander Chakotay was briefing the 
captain while the doctor and Kes worked feverishly over 
Tom.  Janeway did her best to listen to Chakotay, but 
her eyes kept straying to the inert body on the nearby 
biobed.
     “All of a sudden, we heard screams,”  Chakotay’s 
soft voice was saying.  “A man burst into the room, 
held up a weapon, and started to shoot.  All the while 
he was screaming something like, ‘End the tyranny -- 
equal rights for all.’ 
     It was so sudden, we didn’t have time to defend 
ourselves.  When the terrorist turned his weapon toward 
us,” here the commander’s voice wavered slightly,  
“Paris pushed me out of the way and the brunt of the 
blast hit him.  Then the guards managed to subdue the 
terrorist -- but Tom was unconscious and bleeding 
badly.  He was transported to the nearest hospital, and 
then we were beamed here.”
     “How many others were injured?”  Janeway asked 
quietly.
     “Twelve,”  Chakotay answered somberly.  “It’s a 
small number compared to some attacks you or I know of, 
but apparently Psatt was a peaceful planet until just 
recently.  This is the largest attack they’ve ever had.  
Security was lax at that facility; it was probably very 
easy for the terrorist to gain access into the 
building.”  
     “Well, it looks like they’re going to have to beef 
up their security,” Janeway affirmed.  “I don’t want 
anyone returning to that planet unless we have strict 
assurance from the Chancellor himself that they are 
taking measures to prevent this sort of thing from ever 
happening again.”
     “I agree,” he nodded.  “I doubt we’d be able to go 
even if we wanted to.  Things are pretty hectic down 
there.”
     “Excuse me, Captain, Commander,” the doctor 
interrupted gently.  “Mr. Paris’s condition has 
improved somewhat.  He’s still on life support, but his 
vital signs have stabilized.”
     “How badly was he injured?”  Janeway said, turning 
her full attention to the doctor.
     “Very badly indeed,” the doctor said honestly.  
“He was nearly gone when he got here.  The shock of the 
blast caused severe internal bleeding, as well as 
several broken limbs and a serious head injury.  He’s 
in a deep coma, and his prospects aren’t very 
promising.  But he’s alive, for now.”
     “He’s alive,”  Janeway repeated.  “That’s all I 
need to know.”  

     B’Elanna sat in her window seat, staring aimlessly 
out at the stars drifting by.  She always preferred to 
look at the stars when they were streaking by at warp 8 
or 9.  It gave her a sense of satisfaction to know that 
the engines were working properly, and that Tom Paris 
was at the helm....
     She stifled a sob.  B’Elanna Torres, who hadn’t 
cried since she was five years old, was to the point of 
tears.  Tom’s prognosis wasn’t very good, it was 
rumored.  She hadn’t dared go to sickbay to ask the 
doctor for fear the rumor would be true.  
     Damn it, why did this have to happen now?  She had 
just started to warm up the idea of her and Tom 
beginning a relationship.  And now it would be too late 
to tell him of her change of heart.
     Cursing herself for being such an idiot, wishing 
she had said differently, she replayed the conversation 
in her head that had taken place just a month ago.
     “B’Elanna, I think -- I think I’m falling in love 
with you,” Tom had confessed bashfully, almost looking 
like a schoolboy on a first date.
     She had frozen at his words.  Love?  Her?  It 
wasn’t possible.  They were just friends, not lovers.  
She had never even considered....no, that was a lie.  
She had considered it, but had come to the conclusion 
that he would never want her.  She was just a half-
Klingon Maquis, no one very special.  But Tom had 
seemed to think differently.
     “C’mon, ‘Lanna, give me a chance,” he had pleaded.  
“Please.  I want to be with you.”
     “Tom -- I -- I’m sorry, but I -- I don’t think of 
you in -- in that way,” she had replied uncomfortably.  
Another lie on her part.  She just didn’t want to risk 
being hurt.  “Can’t we just -- be friends?”
     He had been disappointed, very disappointed.  But 
he had conceded.  “All right.  Just friends.  But is 
there any chance you’ll change your mind?  Any chance 
at all?”
     She didn’t have the heart to tell him no, so she 
had merely replied, “I don’t know.  Maybe.”  But, 
apparently, that maybe had given him hope.  He had 
acted just the same as always around her after that, 
except for the stares she had found so disconcerting.  
Then had come their little romp in the holodeck, and 
she had realized that she did love Tom Paris.
     And now he was dying.  It was too late to let him 
know that she had changed her mind, she did want to be 
with him.  It was too late.
     “B’Elanna?”  B’Elanna jerked her head up in 
surprise.  She had been so engrossed in her own 
thoughts, she hadn’t heard her door open or Ensign 
Harry Kim walk in.
     “Harry?  Is there any word on Tom?” she asked 
anxiously.  She knew that the ensign had probably just 
returned from sickbay.  
     “No change in his condition,” Harry replied 
regretfully.  “He’s still in a coma.”
     “Oh,” B’Elanna said disappointedly.  She turned 
her head away from Harry so he wouldn’t see the tears 
forming in her eyes.
     “B’Elanna, do you realize it’s 0200?  Haven’t you 
been to sleep?”  Harry asked in concern.
     She shook her head.  “I can’t sleep knowing that 
Tom is so ill.  I’ve tried, but I can’t.  It’s no use.”
      She felt him place a hand on her shoulder.  “Poor 
thing,” he said softly.  “This is really hitting you 
hard, isn’t it?”
     B’Elanna looked at him, the anguish in her black 
eyes clearly visible.  “I love him, Harry,” she said 
simply.  “I didn’t realize it until today, when I heard 
he was dying.  If he dies without knowing that -- “  
She broke off, afraid that if she continued she would 
burst into tears.
     Harry was silent.  Poor B’Elanna.  Tom had told 
him about the conversation he had with her, where she 
had said she just wanted to be friends, and he hadn’t 
been able to believe it.  He had seen the expression in 
her eyes whenever she had looked at the pilot, and it 
was one of more then friendship.  Too bad she hadn’t 
realized it until now.
     “You know, Maquis,” he said gently, using his old 
nickname for her, “the doctor said that sometimes, when 
a person is in a coma, they can hear other people 
talking to them.  Maybe if you went and told him how 
you feel.....it might improve the odds of him 
surviving.  Tom loves you, B’Elanna.  He loves you very 
much.  It would....it would bolster his chances 
enormously if he knew that you loved him as well.”
     B’Elanna considered this for a moment.  If there 
was any chance, any chance at all that Tom could hear 
her, then she had to try.  “I’ll go,” she said, her 
voice barely above a whisper.  “I’ll go and see him.”
     “Good girl,” Harry said approvingly, patting her 
hand reassuringly.  “Don’t worry, B’Elanna.  Everything 
will turn out just fine.”

     B’Elanna slipped into sickbay, cautiously looking 
about.  The only one present was the doctor, who was 
working quietly in his office.  The moment he spied 
her, he stepped out into the main area.
     “Can I help you, Lieutenant?” he inquired 
politely.
     “Yes...could you tell me how Tom is doing?” she 
asked hesitantly.
     “The same.  He’s no better, but then again, he’s 
no worse,” the doctor told her.
     “Is -- is it true -- that people in comas can 
sometimes hear other people talk to them?  Like Tom, 
could -- is it possible that he could hear me if I 
talked to him?” she continued, stammering slightly.
     “Yes,” the hologram acknowledged cautiously, 
careful not to give false hope.  “It is possible.  I’m 
not one hundred percent certain, of course, but it is 
possible.”
     B’Elanna nodded seriously.  The doctor, sensing he 
was not wanted, said, “If you would like to ‘speak’ 
with him alone, I’ll leave now.  Just reactivate me if 
you need me.  Computer, end EMH program.”  And he was 
gone.
     B’Elanna slowly walked over to the biobed Tom was 
lying on.  Someone, Harry perhaps, had placed a chair 
their earlier. She sat down gingerly, her hands folded 
in her lap.  She didn’t quite know what to say.
     She looked at the silent form on the biobed.  He 
looked like he was sleeping.  She half expected him to 
wake up and smile at her, those blue eyes of his 
twinkling impishly as he made some tawdry comment.  But 
he remained still, and B’Elanna took a deep breath.
     “Tom,” she began, rather timidly, “I don’t know if 
you can hear me, but I need to talk to you.  Remember 
when you and I were on the holodeck a few days ago?  
Remember what happened?  Well, I.....I liked it.  Very 
much.”
     She took another deep breath, fighting tears that 
threatened to stream down her face.  “Hell, I didn’t 
just like it, Tom.  I loved it.  And I love you.  I 
didn’t realize it until today, when I heard you were 
dying....Tom, if you can hear me, listen to me.  I love 
you.  You have to wake up.  Damn it, Paris, you had 
better not die because if you do I’ll raise you from 
the dead just so I can kill you myself!  I know that 
I’m not a captain or a commander, and I don’t outrank 
you, but I’m giving you a direct order.  Live.  Okay?  
And you had better do what I say, Thomas Eugene Paris, 
because you know how angry I can get!”  Unable to go 
on, the tears escaping from the confines of her 
eyelids, B’Elanna leaned down and gave Paris a soft, 
quick kiss on the forehead.  Tears streaming, exhausted 
from being up half the night, she laid her head on his 
chest and drifted off to sleep, listening to the sound 
of his heartbeat.

     “B’Elanna?”  
     She was awakened by a voice calling her name.  And 
not just any voice -- Tom Paris’s voice!
     B’Elanna quickly raised her head and stared at the 
pilot.  His eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, were open 
and looking at her in confusion.  “B’Elanna?  What 
happened?  What are you doing here?” he asked weakly, 
trying to raise his head but finding he could not.
     “Shhh, Tom,” she said soothingly, grasping his 
hand tightly and brushing an errant blond hair off his 
forehead.  “It’s all right.  You were injured, but 
you’re going to be all right.  Computer, activate EMH 
program.”
     The doctor shimmered into existence.  Immediately, 
he observed the situation and hurried over to Tom’s 
bed.  “Welcome back to the land of the living, Mr. 
Paris,” he said cheerfully, scanning Tom with his 
tricorder.  “How do you feel?”
     “Weak,” the pilot answered, looking from the 
doctor to B’Elanna and back to the doctor.  “It was 
that terrorist on Psatt, wasn’t it?  Did he shoot 
Chakotay, too?”
     “No.  Just you,”  B’Elanna answered, for the 
doctor was busy checking the results of his scan.  “You 
saved his life.  That blast was meant for Chakotay, but 
you jumped in front of him at the last minute.”
     “I remember that,”  Tom said thoughtfully.  “This 
is, what, the second time I’ve saved his life?  Man, he 
owes me big time.”
     B’Elanna laughed and tightened her grip on Tom’s 
hand.  “I’ll remember to tell him that.”
     “Well, Mr. Paris, I estimate you should make a 
full recovery in a few weeks,” the doctor announced.  
“Lieutenant Torres, it’s 0615.  Have you been here all 
night?”
     “I, um, kind of fell asleep here,” she admitted 
guiltily.  “But I guess I’d better be going, since my 
shift starts in fifteen minutes.”  She was reluctant to 
leave Tom, but her duty as chief engineer came first.
     “I think you’re right,”  the doctor said, looking 
at her curiously.  Kes hadn’t told him that B’Elanna 
Torres and Tom Paris were so close, and she usually 
kept him up-to-date on ship’s gossip.  Then again, Tom 
was a close friend of hers.  Maybe she hadn’t wanted to 
divulge personal information about him.  
     Paris grinned saucily up at B’Elanna.  “Do me a 
favor and tell Chakotay hi for me.”
     “I’ll be happy to,”  B’Elanna promised, a smile 
still on her face.  When the doctor turned to go back 
into his office, she quickly leaned down and kissed Tom 
on the forehead.  
     “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she whispered 
reassuringly.  “Then we’ll talk, okay?”
     “Okay,” Paris replied, looking confused but 
nonetheless happy at her sudden affection.       
     She chuckled and lightly stroked his cheek with 
her finger.  “See you later.”  Voyager’s chief engineer 
turned and strode out of sickbay, her mood very much 
improved.

     “Where are we going, Harry?”  Tom Paris asked 
curiously.
     “You’ll see,” was all the ensign would say.
     Three weeks after his accident, Tom Paris was 
fully recovered and eager to get back to duty.  
Anything was better then lying in sickbay and listening 
to the doctor drone on about how lucky he was to be 
alive.  
     And, according to the doctor and Kes, he was lucky 
to be alive.  But only Tom knew the real reason he had 
recovered so speedily -- he had been driven by B’Elanna 
Torres’s promise to him.  The day after he had regained 
consciousness, she had told him that the moment he was 
fully recovered and out of sickbay, they would talk 
about the status of their relationship.  
     *The status of our relationship,*  Tom thought, 
apprehension and anticipation running through him.  He 
hadn’t been able to read her tone of voice when she had 
spoken to him, but then again, he had never been able 
to read her at all.  Judging from the way she had acted 
when he had woken up in sickbay, she wanted to be “more 
then friends.”  Then again, she had only dropped by 
sickbay once a day, sometimes less, to see him since 
then.  Maybe she was avoiding him?  
     Tom shook his head.  Something told him he was 
never going to be able to figure out women, 
specifically B’Elanna.  And something told him that was 
the way she wanted it.
     And now, only a few hours after his release from 
sickbay, Harry Kim was dragging him down the corridor 
to a mysterious location he had refused to reveal.  
“It’s a secret,” was all he would say when Tom would 
press him.  So, he allowed himself to be led away.  
Knowing Harry, he had probably organized a surprise 
“Welcome back” party with wine, women, and song.  Which 
wouldn’t be too bad, as long as the women consisted of 
one woman in particular.  B’Elanna Torres.
     “Here we are,”  Harry announced, stopping in front 
of the doors of Holodeck 2.  Tom smiled knowingly.  It 
looked as though he had been right about the party.
     “Go on,”  Kim grinned, gesturing toward the door.
     Tom walked into the holodeck and stopped dead in 
his tracks.
     Instead of the familiar Parisian bar he had 
expected, he was standing in the backyard of a huge, 
colonial-style house.  The yard was filled with oak 
trees that were losing their leaves, and the ground was 
covered with the red, brown, and orange foliage.  
     It was the captain and Harry’s holodeck program.  
The one in which he and B’Elanna had shared that 
amazing kiss.
     Tom didn’t even hear Harry quietly exit the 
holodeck.  Instead, he was focusing on a figure in the 
distance.  The figure -- a woman -- was slowly walking 
toward him.  As she got closer to him, he recognized 
her.  B’Elanna.
     Someone -- Harry, perhaps -- had programmed in a 
wooden bench where she now sat, motioning to him.  He 
hurried toward the bench and sat down next to her, not 
quite knowing what to say -- or what to expect.
     Then, B’Elanna spoke.  “Somehow,” she said softly, 
“I thought this program was appropriate for what I have 
to say.”
     “B’Elanna,” Tom began, but she put a finger over 
his lips.
     “No,” she said gently, but firmly.  “I have to say 
this.”   She looked down, took a deep breath, and 
began.
     “Tom, I lied to you when I said I just wanted to 
be friends.  The truth is, I was scared.  You see, my 
father deserted my mother and I when I was five.  I 
spent the next ten, fifteen years listening to her talk 
about how all men were scum and were not to be trusted 
for anything.  And I thought she was right.  I’ve only 
trusted one man in my entire life -- Chakotay.  And it 
took him quite a while to earn my trust, believe me.  
But I’ve never trusted a man to remain committed in a 
relationship.  I’ve had flings, of course, but nothing 
I ever wanted to pursue.  Until now.”
     “B’Elanna -- “  Tom tried again.  But she 
continued on, intent on finishing her explanation.
     “I’d like to apologize, Tom.  I wasn’t fair to 
you.  I didn’t even give you a chance.  But when -- 
when I heard you were dying -- it was like the world 
came crashing down on me.  I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t 
sleep, all I could do was worry that you’d die.  That’s 
when I realized that I was in love with you.  I -- I 
hope you’ll be able to forgive me, Tom.  I hope you can 
find it in your heart to give me another chance.  
Please.”  When B’Elanna finished, her face was scarlet 
with embarrassment.  She was, for the most part, a 
private person who wasn’t used to revealing her 
feelings to anyone -- especially a man, and especially 
Tom Paris.
     For a moment, there was no sound but the 
holographic wind rustling through the trees.  Then, Tom 
put his finger under B’Elanna’s chin and raised her 
head so she was looking up at him.  Then, slowly, he 
leaned down and kissed her.
     The kiss was long and sweet and full of promise.  
When it was over, Tom laid his hand on her knee.  “I 
love you, B’Elanna Torres,” he said emotionally, his 
vivid blue eyes staring into her deep brown ones.  
     “I love you too, Tom Paris,” she whispered, 
placing her hand over his own and squeezing it tightly.   
     Tom kissed her again.  “So, where do we go from 
here?” he murmured, uncertain of just what she wanted 
to do.  Her reply caused his pulse to race even faster 
then it was already.
     “How about your quarters?”  She glanced up at him, 
a sly smile on her face.
     “No -- I -- I mean -- “ he stammered.  That smile 
of hers was making him feel like a nervous high 
schooler on a first date.
     “I know what you mean, Tom,” she said softly.  Her 
tone insinuated that she really did know. “And I know 
what I mean.  How about your quarters?”
     Tom stared at her for a second.  “You’re sure?” he 
said hesitatingly. 
     “Absolutely,” she answered, squeezing his hand 
gently.  “I’ve never been more sure in my life.”
     He quickly stood up.  “Computer, end program.”  
Together, hand in hand, he and B’Elanna walked out of 
the holodeck.
                              
                    THE END