This is the beginning of my journal the one that I have been starting for ten years but never kept. I thought maybe I’d keep up on it if it were on some thing I use like my computer. So, Viola! I choose to call it “Dragon Chronicles” because I am a dragon freak and this is a chronicle of my life. November 18, 2000 1:29 AM November 19, 2000 3:29 AM I spent the night at Grandma’s last night. I was angry at first because I didn’t want to be there but I am glad that I did. I think we both needed it. Today Grandma and I talked about everything that was on our minds. Everything from Grandpa & Kendra to how a lobster shrinks in boiling water. “I would too.” I exclaimed and Grandma laughed. J That made me smile. I love Grandma and the thought that I will lose her some day makes me want to spend as much time as I can with her without being over bearing of course. I also find myself longing to see old friends such as Nathaniel and Michael. I could look them up and make contact but I fear they have changed so much that they won’t recognize me and it will be as if they are strangers. They have changed of course as have I, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be the kind hearted friends that I so dearly miss. I am having feelings of longing. Longing to be held by a man I love, longing to have a good friend that is compassionate and understanding, longing to belong in a group, longing for happiness. I know that this is the basic wants of most everybody, but if that is so why then do we all have this problem of being unsuccessful in our quest for happiness? Questions I have a million of them but why bother asking? If you have faith the answers will come to you, in time. It may be a day it may be a life time. I don’t believe in fate but now more than ever I believe in karma. “Do unto others as you want them to Do unto you.” November 22, 2000 3:40 PM Wow! I am writing early today. I have been imagining me at Iowa Wesleyan. I love it there. I can hardly wait to get there! That is if I am accepted, I really, really hope I am. Really bad. I wanted to go there in the first place and on a whim, dismissed it. Why? That is a question I cannot answer, nor do I care to. I have an extreme fear now I have a f ear that I have really screwed up my life in two months time. That really scares me. If I have I have back up plans well back up some things any way. I don’t know if they can be called plans but they are there. Another thing that has been on my mind is Drinking. It used to be such a horrible beast to which I would never succumb. Now I find that I am thinking it isn’t so bad and I find myself more attracted than ever. At the same time I am more confident than I have been in ages, so it my “desire for the drink” is not some low self-esteem thing. On that note I wish to commend myself for starting this “Journal” of sorts. It has really helped me in ways I didn’t even know I needed to helped in. Whoa…. I am listening to Eye of the Tiger and more than ever I miss wrestling. A lot. Excuse me while I reminisce. Damn I just did it I became one of the Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda club. Shit! I hate this. I need my passion back. Well not really back I just need something to apply it to. I am back building what ever it is called, drive, passion, want. Whatever, I need to apply it. “Apply it to your school work.” That is an oxy-moron to me. Applying anything but useless hours for a piece of paper that prove that you are ready to get even more schooling. Blah. Changing songs and probably moods. Da, da, da, Useless, but good song. I think its in German or something. Doesn’t da mean yes in German? Yes, Yes, Yes. It would sound stupid in English. ZZTop to the rescue!!!! (under breath) “F’in lady bugs…grumble, grumble.” End of 2000 entries. ~ On to 2001 ~ ~ Home ~