Actual Excerpts From Classified Sections of Various Newspapers:

• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered, like one of the family.
  
  
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
  
  
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  
  
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
  
  
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
  
  
• For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  
  
• Great Dames for sale.
  
  
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
  
  
• Tired of cleaning yourself ? Let me do it.
  
  
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  
  
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  
  
• Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
  
  
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  
  
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
  
  
• UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
  
  
• Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
  
  
• Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
  
  
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  
  
• 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  
  
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  
  
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
  
  
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
  
  
• Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
  
  
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  
  
• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  
  
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  
  
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  
  
• And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  
  
• We will oil your screwing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.