Bumper Stickers Seen Around the World

• Constipated people don't give a crap.    
• Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.    
• If you drink don't park. Accidents cause people.    
• Who lit the fuse on your tampon?    
• If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.    
• Maybe you could drive a little better if that phone was up your ass.    
• My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.    
• Thank you for pot smoking.    
• To all you virgins thanks for nothing.    
• If at first you don't succeed . . . blame someone else and seek counseling.    
• Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."    
• If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.    
• Horn broken . . . watch for finger.    
• If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.    
• You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.    
• The earth is full - go home.    
• I have the body of a god . . . Buddha.    
• This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.    
• So many pedestrians -- so little time.    
• Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.    
• If we quit voting will they all go away?    
• Eat right, exercise, die anyway.    
• Illiterate? Write for help.    
• Honk if anything falls off.
• Cover me...I'm changing lanes.    
• He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.    
• You! Out of the gene pool!    
• I do whatever my rice Krispies tell me to.    
• Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?    
• It's been lovely but I have to scream now.    
• I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere.    
• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.    
• Fight crime: shoot back!
• If you can read this, please flip me back over. (Seen upside down, on a jeep)    
• Remember folks: stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.    
• Guys: no shirt, no service. Gals: no shirt, no charge (reported to be seen on a restaurant)    
• If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hutt?    
• Necrophilia: that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
• Ax me about Ebonics.    
• Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel.    
• Boldly going nowhere.    
• Cat: the other white meat.    
• Caution -- driver legally blonde!    
• Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.    
• Heart attacks: God's revenge for eating his animal friends.    
• Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window.    
• How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.    
• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.  
• Saw it . . . Wanted it . . . Had a fit . . . Got it!    
• Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.