My JournalMy Journal
The seasons are changing from winter to spring. I have a habit of hanging wind chimes outside my bedroom windows, and this time of year they constantly make music. Tonight they had not stopped all night. It was so soothing to me, helped me relax & write. I had totally set an entire atmosphere in my townhouse tonight. Candles were lit all over the place, incense burned, and all the while the chimes rang. The density of the air was changing, I could tell. That told me of the coming change of the season. I liked being in a place that the seasons changed, because to me I could travel elsewhere when in a different mood. But I enjoyed autumn, watching the leaves change in color & fall off the trees, pumpkins & black cats, it was a beautiful time of year to me. Winter in itself is beautiful as well. The peace that's bestowed upon the land when covered in snow is absolutely breath-taking! I found beauty in all seasons. I adjusted well to them all. I lit a cigarette & sat back in my chair. I gazed out the window, high up in my townhouse. The moon was playing peek-a-boo with thick dark clouds tonight. It was a crisp, sharp, & white full moon. A brisk wind howled outside the window, sending a chill throughout my body. Turning around, I pointed towards the fireplace and ignited a roaring fire in a piercing glance. I curled up in my chair once again, gently gnawing on a pencil. My soul was twisting & writhing inside, changing. As like the seasons I thought possibly. I just felt nothing inside sometimes. This was a phase I had been in way too long. It was time for me to find comfort in my own skin again.
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I enjoyed going out , having all eyes upon me. It was something that made me high. I got a similar feeling , feeding. The warm blood flows rapidly into your weakened body, restoring life, color, and a bit of warmth. This always gave me a head-rush. I hope tonight, I can restore myself. I have developed a new technique. May just have to practice it on Brian or Richard...(laughing) it helps keep them on their toes. They take it for granted sometimes what the women will do. I tell them watch out, they'll get tricked by one someday. They let their guards down around women. Silly men. I shared a very strong bond with Brian & Richard, they were my brothers, in blood. We acted like siblings, often bickering. But mostly we got along. Brian & I were closer than Richard & I. Richard had feelings that Brian & I reallt did not have at the time. Richard enjoyed literature, compassionate thoughts & feelings. We had no clue what that was yet. We were too busy enjoying our vampiric lives. I would have to say, Brian & I abused our new-found power.
It is late evening on Saturday...I am preparing for a night on the town. Listening to some pumped up music, I slip into the perfect evening wear to set my mood. Slurping down a glass of red wine, I stroll past the mirror for one last glance. My, what a beautiful creature I was. I was ultimately the poster-girl of "Who-not-to-take-home" to meet your mother. *snicker* Although it was the perfect choice for someone like me... feeling destined to be alone. Not for the usual reasons, but my reasons were deep, I felt. The real me judged harshly the performance of others, therefore, I was never pleased or impressed. I constantly felt impowered over others, their ignorance of many things made me scoth. I hated how mortals did not appreciate life, luxuries, happiness, simple things as emotions, and feelings. They take these things for granted.
I was somewhat of a vicious vampire. I took things granted early in my dark life. But time taught me to rid society of the filth and the unwanteds. I killed discriminitely. I did care who my prey was.
Well I guess I will finish more after the sun comes up, I will be late if I do not go. One last word...I sampled everything life had to offer, maybe overindulged from time to time, but not one time did I ask for anything . I know I was the only person I could truly depend on. I never felt that safe with them......ever.
Today I had the strangest feeling. I felt like an old friend or someone I had met before was close, perhaps I would be hearing from one, I thought. It was odd because I did not know exactly who. Usually I knew. ~smile~ But tonight even when I was out, I felt like he was there, only I could not see him, even in the faces of others, he was not there. I sensed his closeness but could not spy him in a crowd yet. The feeling made me remember that this had happened before, many times, but I never put it together til now. This person was always close to me sometimes. I sensed it when I was a younger vampire, but not capable of knowing what it meant. I feel a connection to this dark soul. But I do not know what it is quite yet. Its a mystery but I feel it transcends time completely. Maybe I should discuss it with Davidson, he helps me with everything else.
I had a nightmare. Not like my usual ones either. This felt more like an event soon to take place. It was full of violence and turmoil. I felt betrayed deeply in the dream. I couldn't figure the meaning of it quite yet. My nightmares have a habit of revealing themselves at a later time in their entirety.
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