They say blood will tell, and under Oberon's current reign, boy is it telling. It's quite tempting after surveying the current crop of Amber princes to make sure all of the Bariman family have a lifetime supply of contraceptives.

Here they are, in no particular order:

Rory:
Self-proclaimed bad boy. He's the prince everybody loves to hate. His favourite hobbies include: Heavy Artillery, Demons, Hostile Takeovers, Demons, Leveraged Buy-outs; Demons; Making Gobs of Money; Demons, Listening to the Screams and Pleas of the Downtrodden and Knitting. Did we mention the demons?

Current Love Interest: Himself, but he'll settle for Sabine, who plays the 'little woman' in leathers to perfection.

Laszlo:
An Accountant trapped in a poet's body. We like to nickname him the Scarlet Pumpernickle. When the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune come knocking, he likes to bury himself in a sea of figures, poring over all the latest earnings of his highwaym-- ~ahem~ 'tax collectors'. His favourite hobbies include: Bean-counting, Playing the Wounded Dove, Practising Looking Smashing with a Cavalry Sabre, Polishing His Brass Buttons, Steaming Letters, Witty Banter, Plagiarising from Other People's Love Letters and Tiddlywinks.

Current Love Interest: Himself, but he likes to pretend he's in love with Breyd sometimes. It helps him cultivate that air of the suffering poet (when really we're all just suffering from his poetry).

George:
He's been dubbed 'the Dead Zeppelin', both as a tribute to how much we hate that sort of poncy, folksy 'rock' music that glorifies a pack of unwashed troublemakers and how ponderously slow this prince seems to be. He's been seen hanging out with Rory, Jada and Scherazade, which just goes to show what poor taste in people he has. Whenever he can leave the gort alone, he puts the crashing in boor and the pompous in twit. His favourite hobbies include: Dressing-up Like Col. Sanders, Sniffing Gort, Drinking Mint Juleps Spiked with Gort, Playing in Sewers, Mainlining Gort, and Playing with Dolls.

Current Love Interest: Gort. No question about it. They broke the mold when they made him, but we should sterilise him just to be sure.

Dunstree:
Ineffectual and all around nice guy. He's the kind of person who gets all excited at about bread-and-butter pudding and needs a cold shower and a little lie down. He'll be one of the first against the wall when the revolution comes mostly because he's not bright enough to get out of the way. His favourite hobbies include: Self-flagellation, Wearing Sackcloth and Ashes, Wondering Why We All Can't Just Get Along, Sticking Pins in His Voodoo Rory Doll, Bemoaning the Fate of the Spotted Owl and Aspiring to Be UNICEF'S Poster Boy. Current Love Interest: His Cause of the Week.

Constantine:
A prince that has confused 'moody and brooding' with 'intellectual'. When in doubt, seem overly serious and dark if you can't manage deep. We're convinced his dialogue has been written by a batch of those whackos who come up with the mottos for fortune cookies. Coffee is the weak elf's gort. For all intensive purposes, he's the pacifist version of Rory. His favourite hobbies include: Coffee; Practising Brooding in Front of a Mirror, Coffee; Sounding Deep and Meaningful Whilst Looking Sombre, Coffee, Learning 101 Useless and Flashy Magic Tricks, More Coffee, Pausing Dramatically, Yet More Coffee, Being Despondent and (you guessed it) Even More Bloody Coffee.

Current Love Interest: Columbian Coffee Farmers.

Elendil:
Narcissistic, Glamorous Elf. Now here's a guy who's got more poses than Madonna's Vogue video. It's probably going to come as a cold, hard shock when he realises the world doesn't really CARE that green is the new black. His favourite hobbies include: Gazing Lovingly at Himself in a Mirror (For Hours), Writing Himself Love Poetry, Skipping Through the Forest, Looking Manly in Tights and Braiding His Pretty, Pretty Hair.

Current Love Interest: Himself, but Aura makes a lovely fashion accessory

Exthian:
It seriously seems like Amber's Princes really can't get enough of themselves. Exthian is a prime example of yet another Amber Prince who seems to think he's too sexy for Creation. He's convinced there is no replacement for black. Real black. Oh, and pouting. All he needs now is a big gold medallion and he'll be a lizard for all lounges. His favourite hobbies: Egotism for Fun and Profit, Playing with His Starter Warlord Kit, Sharpening His Sword, Pouring Over Maps to See Who He Can Conquor and Sniffing Ladies Bicycle Seats.

Current Love Interest: Himself, but he'll bang Breyd all night like a shithouse door in a hurricane.

Gunnalf:
When Amber's Princes AREN'T being self-centred, they seem to be dense. Gunnalf has all the dash and enthusiasm of an Irish setter. Well.at least he's happy. His favourite hobbies include: Playing Fetch with His Pet Rock, Lifting Heavy Objects, Idolising Brian Blessed and Wrestling with his Sea Men.

Current Love Interest: His boat. It's long and hard and full of.

Herne:
Somebody needs to tell Herne he's a good doggy. Maybe then he'll loosen up. It's either that or we're shipping him a free box of laxatives. That boy's going to have a hernia if he doesn't learn how to rock back and forth. Oberon must have spent a fortune sending him through obedience training just to keep him from lifting his leg on the furniture. His favourite hobbies include: Finding Flea Collars That He Can Wear in Court, Practising Animal Magnetism, Sharpening His Canines, Looking More Manly In Tights Than Elendil and Barking Like a Dog.

Current Love Interest: Almost anything on four legs. He likes to walk with the animals.

Vladimir:
He tries to act like Rasputin, but ends up sounding like Count Chocula. He's just the kind of unpopular guy that you can see being all spotty and horrible as a teenager. To make up for the fact that he has no life, he spends his getting indignant over non-existent offences and wrestling Balaam for the honours of digging through other people's underwear drawers, searching for some flimsy clue to an indiscretion or treason. Our honest advice is to start using acne cream and try to get your own dates on Saturday night, Vladdy. His favourite hobbies: Cross-dressing, Watching 'The Tsars Are Right!', Being a Girly Tattletale, Mincing About in Fur Hats, Writing Poison Pen Letters and Stopping Everybody Else's Fun.

Current Love Interest: You are joking, right? Oh.all right. If he's lucky he might get a date with Scherazade.

Victor:
They said it about Julius Caesar and it applies doubly so to Victor.He's every man's woman and every woman's man. He's a man for all seasons and he'll be more than happy to bend over to please! Then again, it must be so very difficult to be more butch than your mother when she's Dierdre. His favourite hobbies include: Whipping His Sea Men into Shape, Holding Out for the Highest Bidder, Dreaming About Being Caine's Cabin Boy and Battening His Hatches.

Current Love Interest: He's taking all comers.

Whitley:
Now here's a man who's lacking so much substance he's practically invisible these days! Then again, it must be a terribly hard job to be a sex god that every woman wants to throw her panties at.

His favourite hobbies are: Polishing His Armour; Playing with His Hell Hounds (Lucky and Daisy. I'm terrified, aren't you?), Leering at Uninterested Objects, Collecting Panties Thrown at Him and Being a Devilishly Handsome Fellow.

Current Love Interest: Daisy.

Philip:
Who?

His Favourite hobbies consist of: Making Snap Judgements, Sneering Disapprovingly, Being Serious, We Weren't Joking About Being Serious and Wishing He Was as Popular as Vlad.

Current Love Interest: The Jabberwocky, but it won't return his calls.

This text is copyright © ??; "Amber" is copyright © Roger Zelazny; "Amber" the diceless RPG is copyright © Phage Press. No copyright infringement is intended.

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