It was late, really late. Or extremely early. No matter how he looked at it, Benedict was going to kill whoever was Trumping him. He sat up in bed, groggy, and feeling hot. "Yes?"

A familiar voice greeted him, "Hello, Alex. Who the hell is this old man, and how'd he get into my dreams?" As the image coalesced, Benedict blinked a few times, but it was Jess. He thought he'd never see her again.

"Um..." he said intelligently, "Jess?"

She shook her head, and her copper curls bounced, "Got it in one."

"What old man?" he asked, trying to focus. It was too surreal, like a dream.

"The short old man with the crooked back who I dreams about last night. He said if there was anything I need to say to ou, I'd better say it soon. And I can't get hte damn thing out of my head. Who is he?"

"Uh," he stammered, wiping his brow, "my grandfather, Dworkin. How did...I mean, well, how did you..." He stopped then, shaking his head, "The Trump, I mean, the card, you're using it?"

"Now how the hell do you think I..." she started, her temper exploding. Then, abruptly, the flare vanished. "You're not usually this slow. Are you sick or something?"

He nodded slightly, feeling feverish, "I think so." He paused, trying to organize his thoughts in his pounding head. "Um, listen. I'd like to bring you here, but I'd hate to leave the dogs behind...they're still alive, right?" He shook his head again, indicating it was no matter. "Anyway, if they're close by, grab ahold of one of them, and, well, I'll show you." It was rather hard describing how to use a Trump to someone who never had.

She paused, looking indecisive. After a few moments of tense waiting, she relented, "Hang on." She turned and called the dogs, and within moments, bog Thor and Sif were on his bed, happily licking his face. If I could only get that sort of greeting from her... he thought, shooing them off the bed.

He turned his attention back to her, "Is there anything else you don't want to leave behind? Best to make sure now, there's not any going back after this--not for a while anyway." He climbed slowly out of bed, and started to drag on clothes.

"Yeah, actually," she said with an odd tone to her voice. "Your hands steady?"

He nodded absently, pulling on his boots, "Yeah." Enough, anyhow.

"Good," she said. "Here." She turned, and picked up a sleeping infant. She handed the child to Ben, who stood there flabbergasted. He peered down at the kid, and asked, "What's...the name?"

"Brandon," she replied.

He coughed a bit, discreetly. The name caught him offguard...being as it was just about his brother's name. It was an odd coincidence. He looked back to her, and offered his hand, which she took. He smiled then as she came through, happy to feel the warmth of her hand in his again. He nodded slightly, and watched her deposit a knapsack somewhere. After that, he handed Brandon back to her, "Just in case...I'm not feeling too good right now."

She glanced around the guest quarters he was staying in, and laid the baby carefully on the bed. She turned back to him, and laid a hand on his forehead. "You're burning up. Don't they have doctors in this place?"

He nodded, "It's something else...sort of. Hard to explain." Instead of doing just that, he wrapped her up in a hug, and buried his face into the crook of her neck. She stiffened, but eventually relaxed in his embrace. "I've missed you--you don't know how much..." he said, his voice muffled.

Jesse finally put her arms around him, embracing him back. "Yeah, well, you've had a hell of a way of showing it." Her voice was gruff, but the gentleness he knew so well was lying just underneath it. "Goddamn it, here I was all set to be pissed at you...are you going to tell me what all of this is about now?"

He backed up slightly, so he could see her face in the dim light. Gently, he touched her cheek and nodded, "I will. I promise. There's too much for right now...and I need to get down ot the infirmary." He sighed, and straightened. "Come with me, here, I'll get you settled...after this fever is taken care of." Mentally he added "again", but declined to mention this to her, lest he worry her too much.

"Yeah, good idea. You don't look too steady." She picked up the baby carefully, and waited. Benedict brought the dogs to heel (who were having way too much fun investigating all the new smells), and led her and the dogs out. Outside the room were his bodyguards, who looked startled to see the group emerge from the room. He stopped.

"Grift, Bodger, this is Jesse," he said, then glanced down at Brandon. He decided to ignore that kettle of fish for the moment, as guards gossiped worse than women, "Jess, my bodyguards." With that done, he motioned them all along.

On the way there, Benedict tried to explain where her and Brandon were now as he was trying to adjust to the idea that he was a father. Between that and his fever, he didn't do a good job, but did get the basics down...that this place was his home, and that this wasn't anywhere near her home anymore.

They arrived at the infirmary without too much stammering on his part. The night staff was on-duty, of course, and Admiral Damon as well. He looked as if he went to hell and back, but before Benedict could ask anything, one of the interns stepped up, "Yes, Your Highness?"

Benedict waved away the title; that was yet another thing he had to explain, and he didn't feel up to it. "Ah, I seem to be running a fever again...I don't know if Fiona told you what had happened...or if she left notes maybe..." He shrugged lamely, wanting to sit down.

The intern looked over several charts hanging, then nodded, "Yes, here we are. It's well past time for another dose."

Benedict nodded, "I thought so. Kind of forgot." The intern tsked at his forgetfulness, but made no comment as she went to get the medication.

Jesse, however, wasn't silent. "Kind of forgot?" she muttered, giving him a glare. "That is so like you, Alex...I assume you've got some job or project or all-consuming passion that'd account for it here." She stopped and shook her head, making her hair bounce lightly again.

He reached out to touch her arm, "Fate of the world." He slid his hand across her arm slowly, trying to smile, "Protect the family. That sort of thing. It's complicated." He retracted his hand, "I'll be alright. Hard to kill, I am."

At that moment, the intern returned sparing Ben from a scolding. Ben sat down then, and rolled up his sleeve, angling his arm so that Jess couldn't see what was wrong with it. "The fever should start to come down shortly. If it doesn't, please get back here and let us have another look at you. Would you like me to arrange someone to remind you when the next dose is due?"

Ben surpressed a chuckle at that, trying to remain serious though he felt light-headed, almost drunk. 'Please get back here', bah. If it doesn't go down soon, I'll pass out. It was so like a doctor to say something like that.

He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at his guards, "Just tell Grift or Bodger. They'll remember, and remember to tell the next shift of bodyguards..." He shrugged apologetically, "Don't need anyone else following me around." The intern gave him a funny look, trying to judge if he was still sane or not. Benedict frowned then, and explained, "They're outside. You know..." He stopped, and shook his head. "Nevermind," he sighed, looking back to Jesse, and brightening again. This is real...she really is here.

Jesse shook her head again, saying, "C'mon. Let's get you back to bed. If I know you, you haven't been sleeping either."

He shrugged at her request, smiling inwardly. She knows me too well...when did that happen? It was still a pleasant feeling...having someone know him while he was surrounded in this sea of strangers he called his family. "Need to get a crib first...I think." He paused, recollecting where the childhood cribs were packed at. After locating it mentally, he stepped out into the hall, dogs and guards falling in step with them. He scratched Thor's head absently, watching Jesse and the infant with a sideways glance as they walked. The baby stirred, and Jess did her best to soothe him, but the child was awake. He looks like me, Ben thought to himself. No mistaking that.

"Oops. Midnight snack time," she said with a sigh. Ben ducked into the former nursery, and grabbed the nearest crib. It had held...Mirelle...he thought, striving to remember. It would do. He stepped out with it again, looking at Jess, "Need to go tot he kitchen for milk then?"

She laughed softly, "No. I just need a place to sit down with him in private. He won't starve in the ten minutes it'll take to get this gear back where we're going." He nodded, and walked quietly with her. Several doors opened to see what the ruckus was, and expressed a wide range of emotions...from curiosity to annoyance. Benedict smirked slightly, thinking of the show he was giving them, and the rumor mongers the next day. It would be all over the castle by noon.

They arrived back at Ben's temporary rooms, and Grift and Bodger took up their arms again on the outside. On the inside, Benedict found a place for the crib, and came back to see her feeding Brandon. He was not bottle fed, and Benedict sat down on the couch kitty-corner from her, and watched. He didn't stare, but it was awfully hard not to. He couldn't think of anything to say either. This was foreign to him.

Finally, he pried his eyes away from her chest, and looked at her face, "I'm sorry for leaving like that." It was said quietly, and he meant it. He was sorry.

She had been focusing on the baby, but now she focused in on him. "Yeah, me too. I was going to tell you the next day, you know. Thought it'd be a nice surprise, or...well...whatever. Then I found that card..."

"Trump," he supplied, voice a whisper. "They're called Trumps."

"Trump, then." She fell silent, looking down at his son again. His son, and hers. He shook his head slightly again, watching her carefully. Come all this way or not, I say the wrong thing and I lose her. Finally, she spoke again, and this time, with anger. "Damn it, Alex. Do you have any idea what it was like--"

"I can't imagine," he cut in, "and I'm so sorry." He heaved a sigh, regret not being feigned at all. "I've regretted it almost to the second I left. I wasn't ready to handle...you finding out about..." He paused, searching for words, "...things. Family. Amber." He gestured around the room, punctuating the last word. "It's difficult to explain. But I wasn't ready to tell you these things." Truth be told, I don't think I'm ready now, but my hand was forced, he thought, remembering how he felt when he thought she had Trumped his father by accident...and the relief he had felt when it turned out to just be the castle.

"When would you have been ready?" she challenged, angry tears sliding down her face. "If you'd known about the baby, would you still have left?"

He took that without flinching, but it was unfair, and undeserving. He hadn't known...and if he would say nay, then the child would be more important than her... It was a mess. He couldn't do anything but own up to it, "No," he said slowly, choosing words carefully through this minefield, "but don't blame yourself for not telling me sooner or anything." He paused again, looking at her accusing eyes, "I might never have been ready, had I stayed there with you. It took more of my family to die before I could even really..." At that, he shook his head. All those wounds were still too fresh to contemplate, or tell. "..before I could even really admit to myself how much I cared about you. How much I cared about them."

But, somewhere, somewhen, his words worked. "Your family?" she said, softening. "By hell. I'm--I'm really sorry. I had no idea...this is all so weird."

He nodded his agreement, "Tell me about it." Benedict sighed heavily, letting his weariness catch up with him. "I have a hard time believing it's real, and there's nothing I can do about it." He clenched his fist, images playing in his mind of the last few days. "I've never felt so helpless in my life. It's a new feeling."

"Welcome to the club," she muttered, disengaging the almost-sleeping child and closing her shirt.

"But I'm glad you Trumped me. I'm glad Grandfather found some way to..." He paused, that statement being wrong somehow. There was...a matter of timing. Timing...and Shadow time, her Shadow time...and Amber time... "How long ago was that dream?"

"Not long," she said immediately. "This morning. Why?"

He blinked, that being impossible. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure. I haven't been able to forget it all day."

Benedict did the ratio calculations in his head, and shook it. A month passed here, a year passed there, thus...why Brandon was so old, nearing six months or so. A dream this morning for her, means...it would have happened just bare moments before she Trumped him for him. For Dworkin. Unless the old man set it up before he was kidnapped, but somehow Benedict doubted it. There had been too many other things Dworkin was working on, worried about, for him to set this up, however he would have. Slowly, a smile spread on his features, this being the best news he had heard in a while, "The old man's alive then...I'll be damned. Alive."

"So I didn't dream about a dead guy? Well, that's a comfort," she said sarcastically as she got up, and settled the baby into the crib. Benedict stood as well, and followed her. She took out a baby blanket from her knapsack, and tucked Brandon in with it. Once the kid was settled, she turned and looked at Ben, her arms crossed. "He's a good kid. You've missed so much..."

Not out of the woods yet, he mused to himself as he smiled down at the kid. "I can imagine," he said quietly. He raked a hand through his hair, "Jess...there's a lot to catch you up on...I hardly know where to start.."

"Start at the beginning, go all the way through, and when you get to the end, stop," she suggested, sitting down and crossing her arms anew.

He sat down next to her, but with enough space so that he's not crowding her. "Beginning...hell." He stopped, collecting his thoughts. After a few moments of reorganization, he started, "Firstly, my name isn't Alex. It's Benedict. Benedict Alexander Barimen. My father, Oberon, is the King here. Or was, anyhow. Although I'm not his eldest son, I was--til recently--the eldest known surviving son of this place, called Amber." He stopped, making sure she was listening.

She nodded, patiently, but somewhat disbelieving.

"As I told you before, I've had a lot of stepmothers, and a lot of siblings." He grimaced, "Too many it seemed at times. Although there's a lot of childhood repression bullshit in there somewhere, I'll skip past that." He scratched his jaw absently, feeling the scruff there. "Amber's...a different kind of place. In a lot of ways. It's...magical, I guess you could say. A different dimension, others might put it. What we'd say, 'we' being the family, is that it's the only true world, the first one, and all others are reflections of it, twisted and warped from the original." He paused again to see if she was following or if he was freaking her out.

She seemed to be dealing with it, and growing interested.

"Those of the Royal Family walk the Pattern as their rite of Passage, giving them power over Shadow, the reflections I mentioned earlier. My youngest sister, Mirelle--who I told you about--died when walking it." He clenched his jaw a bit, and frowned, "It was a painful time. I nearly died walking it, ages ago. It's not exactly the easiest of things to accomplish." He sighed, shrugging slightly, "Anyhow, I think that's where things started to fall apart. At least, for a while, I took refuge in Shadow, but everywhere I went was a reflection of what I was feeling." He stopped for a while, trying to articulate the things he'd seen, and what he'd done, and that...Shadow of himself. When he started anew, he sounded more tired than before, "The things I saw were what caused me to want to give up the sword, find something else to achieve, maybe. Which is why I took up engineering, and found the perfect place for it...the Shadow where you lived." He paused, wondering if she was seeing where he was going with this.

"When you found the Trumps, and activated the one...I was scared. Wasn't ready, as I said before. I'd just gotten to the point where I could deal with things again, like Mirelle's death, and didn't want to ruin it." He scratched his jaw again, "Pretty selfish, I know." He shrugged, "When I came home--which is more or less where I went after I left you--my brother, Eric, had killed my best friend. Things went downhill from there." He sighed, "Father and Grandfather were taken, kidnapped. I'd thought them dead til now. Both Random and Flora are dead by...something. And Gerard fell to his death." He wanted to stand, to pace, but instead sat there and almost jittered where he was sitting, "We're things coming at us from nowhere, and...much as I hated to bring you here, cuz it's not really safe anymore, it's still safer than anywhere out in Shadow. Especially with Brandon..." He looked to the crib, sighing and frowning. A weakness of mine, now. Liability. It shamed him that that had been his first thought upon seeing the child, and not happiness in his progeny. Sick he might have been, his instincts as a fighter were strong. He chanced another look at her, and her face was unreadable.

"I don't know what else to tell you, really. The rest is all details." She looked at the floor for a time, her lips pressed into a thin line, "Why'd you leave me the Trump?"

He frowned, answering honestly, "I don't know." He shook his head, "I'd hope you'd use it, but didn't think you would. I just...wanted to...make ssure that if you wanted to contact me, you could." He finished up lamely with, "I guess."

She gave him a bitter laugh, "Even though I might 'ruin things' for you? It sounds to me like you couldn't figure out what the hell you wanted. Why run away if you wanted me to be able to follow?"

He stood, not knowing what else to do, and paced. "I don't know..." He walked about the room, frowning to himself. "I mean, we're not close, the family. At all." He paused, That's even more true now, at least with some of us. "You were a bright spot. Someone who cared." He stopped his pacing to look at her, "You were...I just wanted..." He shook his head, not knowing what else to say. Instead, he chose to resume his pacing.

After a few moments of tense silence, he stopped his pacing and headed back to the couch, putting his forearms upon the back of it and kneeling. "I'm sorry," he said, sounding wounded even to his own ears. "Everything's screwed up now. Really screwed." He watched her unblinking expression then added, "I was going to come back to you, if that makes a difference. I didn't know when I would be able to, but I was going to."

She looked at him just long enough to get his hopes up, then turned away. "Well," she said viciously, "Thanks for clearing that up for me."

That got Jesse to turn towards him again, furiously, "And that's supposed to make it all better. Never mind what happened in between--Jesus, you haven't even asked what happened after you left." Her eyes started to mist then, but she set her jaw in that way he loved, and refused to give into them.

The words hurt more than any blow he'd taken so far...ever. And that look was almost unbearable. He blew air out of his clenched teeth. "What happened then? Tell me about it."

Jesse drew her knees up to her chest, clasping her arms around them. "I guess you were telling me just now explains some of it. I had just found out a couple days before--about the baby. I didn't know what to do after you left, but I was gettign along all right, until I started getting sick."

"Sick?" he blinked, immediately concerned, though whatever illness she had had must have passed by now. "How sick? From what?"

She harrumphed and gave him a look. "Everyone treats morning sickness like it's no big deal. Well, let me tell you, it starts to be a big deal when you can't keep anything down, even water, for three or four days straight. I wound up in the hospital, and I pretty much lived there for about two months."

"I'm sorry," Ben said quietly.

"I couldn't work, of course," she went on. "And that meant I couldn't keep up the payments on the insurance. It finally let up, and I got to go home. But the bills had piled up to the point that I couldn't even begin to pay them off. Even then I kept telling myself I'd manage, that once the baby came, I'd be able to get back to some kind of normal routine and make some headway." She sighed. "Brandon had other plans. About three weeks before my due date, he decided he didn't like the cramped living conditions and started kicking, really hard. He just wouldn't stop." She paused for a long moment, and Benedict grew pale listening both to her and the silence. "I started to hemmorhage, and they had to take him by C-section."

He touched her shoulder tenatively, "I'm sorry again. If I had know..." He shook his head, If I had known, some of this would never have happened. I'm as bad as Father and Dworkin in keeping secrets.

She shrugged stiffly. "I was laid up for a while after that. By the time I got out, I was being evicted." She shook her head. "To tell you the truth, I was getting ready to call you anyway, old man or no old man. I had just moved in with some friends, and they had a really small place, and...and I was going to have to take the dogs to the pound..." She finally grinded to a halt, looking away.

"God, Jesse...I swear by all that's holy, if I had known, things would have been drastically different. I never would have left...and not just from some overblown sense of responsibility either." He paused, "I wanted to stay. I did. I just...was too caught up in my own problems." He sighed, "Story of my life, it seems." He paused again, watching her, "I know I can't make up the past, change it or anything, but.. I want to try to make things better, at least, in the here and now. Much as I can."

Jess turned to look at him again, her face screwed up in a way Ben had never seen before. "I can handle it if...if I'm just some Shadow toy you...but I need to know that Brandon's going to be okay. I need him to have a father. He's such a good baby, he's the sweetest kid in the world, and I love him so much..."

Those words were a shock to Ben. He couldn't comprehend the fact that she would think he'd abandon any child of his out in Shadow. Or her, for that matter. He shook his head slowly and moved to the front of the couch, kneeling in front of her. "No. You're not just 'some Shadow toy'. You never were." He looked her square in the eye, "I wanted to come back to you, because.." he took a big breath, "..I love you Jess. I couldn't tell you that before, but I'm ready to now. And Brandon...I'll try to be a good father, hopefully better than mine was. I can't say I was ready to be a father, but I'll do the best I can. I promise you that, but only if you stay with me..." he frowned slightly. "No, that's not quite right, stay with me if you want to. Only if you want to."

While he talked, she started to cry, softly. It alarmed Ben a bit...well, more than a bit...and he almost panicked. Instead, he marshalled his composure (as much as he could anyway) and started to reach for her. He stopped, and rocked back again. "Uh..." he said almost intelligently, "Please don't cry...I didn't mean to hurt you again..."

"No, no, no, no, no," she said through her sobs, "it's not that, it's just, I couldn't believe you were going to say that, and I'm so tired, and I hate this, I just can't control it," she took a huge gulp of air and forced it down with some difficulty. "It started a couple of weeks after Brandon was born," she explained, sniffling. "The docs said I probably wouldn't get over it completely until after he's weaned. Damn. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to freak you out." She scrubbed at her face, still sniffling, and looked embarrasssed.

He smiled slightly in relief, and pulled one of her hands away, "I'm just not...very good with people. YOu should remember that." He took a huge breath, "I don't like to see you cry...and, well, with all this..." He shook his head, "I'm sorry, even if it was, um...accidental...making you cry that is..." He held her hand, giving it a bit of a squeeze, "However, there is something I wanted to ask...if you're up to answering...?"

"Sure," she replied wearily, pulling a tissue out of her pocket with her free hand.

Benedict gulped some air down, and waited til she was done. He was almost shaking. "Marry me?" He remembered afterwards to kiss her fingers. It was all he could do to sit there and wait.

Jesse stared at him, her eyes growing wide. It was hard for him to say whether she'd start laughing or crying. After a long and utterly tense moment, she asked, "Say what?"

"Marry me," he repeated without hesistation. "I love you and I want to be a father to our son. I was going to ask when I returned for you, but since you're here..." he shrugged slightly, "it seemed an opportune time."

She blinked several times, not seeming so much indecisive as trying to grasp exactly what it is he was asking. "You--you want to make me a Princess? In a castle, with the world about to end." She bowed her head for a second, and drew a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"No," he said quietly and firmly. "I want to make you my wife. The rest is incidental."

She looked into his face for a long time, searching....looking through him. Finally, she gave a slight nod, "Yes."

He slipped up to the couch and gave a her a huge hug, trying to be careful not to hug her too hard. "Thank you...I was kind of scared there for a second.." Scared wasn't the word to cover it. Petrified, maybe. He thought she'd say no. But then, Jess had always pleasantly surprised him. He brushed his lips against her cheek, murmuring softly against her skin, "I love you, Jess...more than anything." Guiltily, he thought of battles and swords and... he flushed, but kept himself pressed against her. That's not quite true, you bastard, but more than anyone, that's for sure.

She ducked her head against him and hugged him hard back. She was still tense, very much so. Reluctantly, he broke the hug. "Are you alright?"

She shut her eyes, with a tentative smile. "It's been a long hall, Alex...Benedict. God. That sounds so strange. Would 'Ben' be okay?"

He smiled, "You can call me anything. But yes, Ben's alright."

She nodded. "What time is it, anyway?"

He frowned, "I don't know..." He stood, and checked the wind-up clock he dragged down here from his trashed quarters. Ducking his head into the bedroom, he saw that it was six am. He groaned to himself, "About six in the morning here..." he said, yawning a bit himself. "It's been a rather long day for me as well. But, unfortunately.." he shrugged his shoulders, "I've duties to attend at some point." He frowned, scratching his scruff, "Breakfast is at seven...would you like a shower or something before then? Or just sleep?"

"Sleep," she said immediately. "I suppose it's a moot point to ask how much you've had lately."

He sighed, sitting back down next to her again, "Not enough. About two hours tonight, I think." He shrugged, "I'll live, if nothing earthshattering happens today, that is."

She shook her head slowly. "I know you like to think you're indestructible, but then, you didn't get a good look at yourself a couple of hours ago either. At least try to put aside a little time for a nap, huh? And don't forget about the medication this time."

He couldn't supress a smile, "Tell you what, let's go have a nap for now...nap for me, anyway...at least til seven. I need food, too." He paused, thinking, "No...I don't think I ate yesterday, so, doubly important." Was all that just yesterday? Ye gods. He needed a thirty six hour day. "Too much, too fast. Things are..."

She made an exasperated sound and picked up a pillow, smacking him with it. "Damn straight. You have absolutely no idea what you're getting yourself into."

He smirked, "I never do. Least lately." He stretched out on the couch, laying his head on her shoulder.

Jess sighed and kissed his hair, "C'mon. Let's go to bed."

He nodded, and hopped to his feet almost gracefully. Then, in a sudden inspired moment, he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom to lay her gently down on 'her' side of the bed. He moved around to the left, sitting down to pull of his boots before crawling in beside her. She curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and sprawling an arm across his chest. He put his arm around her and smiled to himself. It took mere moments before both of them were sleeping deeply.