Part 5/5

***

An hour and a half later, Mulder raced into the Hoover Building. Scully
was nowhere to be found. Not picking up the phone at her apartment
because she wasn't in her apartment. Not reachable in any case, because
her cell phone was turned off. Whatever her special project was, it
seemed to demand a lot of privacy and concentration.

"Morning, Agent Mulder. This is just like old times," said a voice
behind him.

Turning, he grinned at at the familiar face of Officer Rucker. "Ruck,
how've you been?"

"Not bad, not bad," said the security guard. "So, I see you and Agent
Scully are up to something interesting these days."

"Uh, no, we're uh... just good, uh..." He trailed off into embarrassed
silence.

"Don't worry, Agent Mulder. Whatever little project you've got going on
the side, you can count on me to be discreet." Ruck treated Mulder to an
exaggerated wink.

"Uh... Thanks," Mulder said, weakly, starting to edge toward the
stairwell.

"It's about time you showed up," said Ruck. "Why you let a fine lady
like that do so much work alone is beyond me."

"She's here?" said Mulder.

"Up in the lab. Just waiting for you, I'd say," said Ruck. "Course,
that's just between you and me," he called after Mulder, who was already
on the move, too late to see Ruck shake his head, and mutter "All work
and no play...." as he walked in the other direction.

As Mulder exited the stairwell, he frowned at the glimmer of light
coming from the laboratory at the end of the dark hallway. He started
toward it, the words 'fortune' and 'fate' running through his head.

He stopped in the doorway, taking in the sight of Scully, standing at a
lab bench, poring over a light box. He was really out of shape, he
thought. Two flights of stairs shouldn't make his heart race like that.

"Hey, Scully," he said.

She jumped and turned the light box off. "Mulder?" she said. "What are
you doing here?"

He began moving toward her, mostly by feel. "I guess I should have
guessed jigsaw puzzles instead of knitting," he said. He reached over to
turn the light box back on. It flickered, then cast a fluorescent glow
upward, highlighting the determined look on Scully's face.

"I have just as much right to do this as you, Mulder," she said,
beginning to gather the plastic-wrapped, charred fragments. "Maybe
more."

He felt an ache starting to build at the back of his throat. "Okay," he
said. "But don't you think it would have been easier to do this
together?"

"When were we supposed to do that, Mulder?" she asked. "Even when you're
here lately, you're not really here."

He choked out a soft laugh. "You think I've been spending too much time
in dreamland? You might be amazed at what you can learn there."

"Like what? How to get the X-Files back? How to make Kersh disappear?"
She bit her lip, then forced out, "How to make me say what you want me
to say? How that is going to make everything all right, when I'm not
sure anything is going to be all right ever again?

"Actually," he said, "what I figured out was that I can't make you do or
say anything that you don't want to."

"Was that a revelation, Mulder?" she said sadly. "If it took you this
long, then you really haven't been paying attention."

He sat on the corner of the desk next to the bench so he could talk to
her face-to-face. At least, they would be face-to-face, he thought
ruefully, if she would ever stop scrutinizing the floor.

"What came as a revelation..." he started, then reached to take her
hand, "Scully, please look at me."

She resisted a little as he tried to pull her closer, then finally took
a step forward, raised her head, and treated him to a level gaze.

He fought a moment of panic, then gathered himself. "Scully, I have been
dreaming a lot lately." He stopped as she made a little huffing noise.
"May I continue?" he asked.

She nodded, having the grace to look somewhat contrite.

"I've had trouble remembering the dreams until this morning, I think
because of the pain pills."

"That's not a common side effect, Mulder," she said, frowning.

"It's also not important," he said. "The important thing is what was in
the dreams. I don't know if they were an escape from the reality we've
gotten ourselves stuck in these days, or a mechanism for figuring out
something that's been bothering me. You yourself said that's probably
what I was doing on the Roche case."

She arched an eyebrow.

"Anyway," he said hastily, "you said that I was caught up in a situation
I was manipulating the first time I said... I loved you -- that I was
responding to a figment of my own imagination, that it wasn't you. But
Scully, the woman I imagined was just as stubborn, and independent, and
intelligent as you. Hell, she even socked me after I kissed her. Now,
why would I say I loved you if that wasn't what I wanted? I mean," he
continued hastily, "the independent and intelligent part, not the
socking."

"You kissed her?" she said.

"I thought I would never see y-- uh, her again," he said, defensively,
then started to smile. "I would have done the same for you, Scully."

She opened her mouth to speak, then hesitated, as if considering
conceding the debate. Well, he had been pretty eloquent, he thought. His
self-congratulation lasted all the way to the end of her next statement.

"Mulder... you have to realize... I've had a front row seat for the last
six years, watching as you manipulate everyone around you. Contacts and
witnesses. Even Skinner. But mostly... mostly me."

"When did I...." He trailed off, not really wanting to know.

"You know all the buttons to push with me, Mulder. You challenge my mind
and my heart. You make me laugh, you make me angry, and sad, and--"

"That's not manipulation, Scully," he protested, "that's human."

"Mulder, I would agree with that, if I didn't think it was all a game to
you. Half the time, I think you say things just to see the effect you
know they'll have on me. I think you take pleasure in doing it."

Mulder fought down another defensive retort. Okay, he thought. No
defense like the truth. "Is that what you thought was going on in that
hospital room?" he asked. "'Cause if you did, Scully, you don't get it
at all. I love you. I needed you to know it. That's all."

She continued to hold his gaze and her silence, until he felt the
restless urge to pace, or to pull her into his arms and make her
believe... No, he thought, don't do it. He dropped her hand and stood
abruptly, moving away from temptation.

"Mulder, wait," she said, grasping his arm.

He winced and pulled away from her.

Moving toward him, she asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I don't know," he said, backing away.

She took his hand and led him back to the desk. "Mulder, sit down and
take off your jacket," she said.

The obvious 'I thought you'd never ask, Scully' sprang to his lips and
stayed there. He made an instant resolution to stop being obvious. He
shrugged off his jacket and watched as she unbuttoned his cuff and
rolled up his sleeve.

"What on earth have you been doing?" she asked, taking in the fresh gash
on his arm.

"Dreaming?" he said.

"Honestly, Mulder, you're the only person I know whose dreams should
carry a health insurance premium," she said, opening her briefcase.

He sat still while she did doctor things with antiseptic swabs and a
bandage, concentrating silently on her work.

She wasn't going to respond to this latest declaration either, he
thought, sadly. Their quota of personal revelations must be filled for
the week. Oh well, not bad, considering how low their revelations per
conversation per week ratio usually stood.

Scully watched impassively as he rolled down his sleeve and buttoned the
cuff. Then she sighed and took his hand, making his heart jump
erratically. Hold on, he thought. Maybe we're going to improve that
ratio.

"Mulder, what you said before, that you... love me," she swallowed hard,
and continued, "and that you just needed me to know -- it scares the
hell out of me even though I... I am glad you said it. But I... there's
just too much, right now, too much...." She closed her eyes in pain and
dismissal, gesturing blindly to the light box behind him.

Drop it now, he thought. Get up and walk out. Just don't do this to her
anymore. He made a tentative move to do that, and was halted by her
strong grip on his hand. He rocked back as she lifted her face to him,
her expression filled with neither worry, nor compassion, nor
puzzlement, but, just possibly, with love.

"For what it's worth, Mulder, nothing you have ever said to me has meant
as much." Her voice was trembling in a way that made his heart ache. She
continued, "I just can't--"

"It's okay, Scully," he said hastily, surprised that at the moment, it
was true. "I needed to tell you. I told you. I'm glad you know." He
returned the pressure of her hand with his own. "You can deal with it or
not, just please, keep trying to deal with me, no matter what stupid
thing I say or do. Please?"

She nodded, a small sign of assent. They stood, locked in a silence
filled with the hums and buzzes of laboratory equipment. Mulder couldn't
be sure, but thought he spotted a fresh shimmer in Scully's eyes, which
were resolutely fixed on his third favorite tie.

"Hey Scully," he said, mildly panicked and looking to distract her, "if
I kissed you, would you sock me?"

She looked up, and said with a small, sad smile, "You must think I
would, or you wouldn't have dreamed it that way."

Encouraged, he said, "Maybe I was wrong about that part."

"Maybe, Mulder," she said, giving him a brief, speculative look, which
was soon replaced by her usual mild expression.

"Scully, I- I've wanted to ask you...." he said, turning her hand in
both his own, rubbing it softly, "I've got this contact in Dreamland--"
He smiled as she gave him a sharp glance. "No, wait, it's a real place,
a name for Area 51, where they test experimental aircraft. This guy
wants to give me some information."

"Mulder, if you take off again, Kersh'll have me serving lunch in the
Bureau cafeteria by next week."

"Listen," he said, standing up, "it sounds like a pretty legitimate lead
on some pretty interesting stuff--"

"Ditching me so soon?" she said.

"No, no, I--" He flinched, then realized she was reaching up to place
her free hand on the back of his neck, and pull his head down level with
hers.

"I don't know, you seem determined to go, Mulder," she said softly.

"Yeah," he said, a little nervously, watching a very slight smile
transform her face.

"So," she said, moving closer, "in case I never see you again..."

He gulped as she brushed a soft kiss across his bruised cheek. "Sc-
Scully..." he faltered, as all rational thought fled. She trailed a
series of little kisses down his cheek, then finally settled on his
mouth, treating him to one, two, three, four, soft, slow kisses, that
made his knees buckle. He sat back down abruptly on the conveniently
placed desk, feeling a laugh bubble up from deep inside, carried on a
wellspring of joy he was pretty damned sure he'd never felt before...
except, maybe, in his dreams.

"What?" said Scully, pulling back, looking ruffled.

"Good thing the desk was here."

Her mouth quirked and she moved even closer, stopping only when her
cheek was brushing his. He closed his eyes, and was enveloped in her
soft scent. He could feel her, hear the sound of her breathing, a mostly
regular rhythm, with the occasional hitch and sigh when his cautious
hands found a new spot to caress. If he turned his head about three
millimeters, he thought, he could taste her again.

"Mulder," she said, "this isn't safe. The security guard--"

"If you wanted safe, you wouldn't have stuck with me for six years,
Scully," he said. "Face it, you're a danger junkie."

Good job, genius, he thought, opening his eyes as she pulled back to the
limit of his embrace.

"So, you really do think you can tell me what I think and how I feel,"
she said, in a challenging tone.

"Scully, I can't even make you swoon over me in my own dreams," he
protested.

She relaxed, and moved forward, just enough so that he could reassure
himself that she wasn't going to bolt. "Mulder..." she said. "We have so
much work to do... and we've both been on enough of an emotional roller
coaster without throwing this in the mix," she said. "Are you sure this
is a good idea?"

"Scully..." Now he was the one with his gaze fixed on the floor. "In the
last few years, I've found out what it's like to almost lose you, and
what it's like to love you. It has turned my life upside down. But if
you think I can go back... or take it back... I can't Scully. I can't."

She put a tentative hand up to his cheek, then, with increasing
confidence, ran it through his hair, where it stayed, softly caressing,
until he found the nerve to face her again. "So," she said, "you don't
expect an answer and you're not saying it because you think you can make
me answer, but... you're going to persist with this
telling-me-you-love-me kick you're on?"

He pulled her hand to his mouth, placing a soft kiss in her palm.
Settling her hand back on his cheek, he held it there and said, "I think
the telling-you-I-love-you kick is here to stay, Scully. Even though I
have a feeling I'm going to work harder at proving it than at anything
I've ever done in my life. "

She held his gaze steadily. "I have faith that you can do it, Mulder,"
she said, starting to smile again. "I have faith in you."

Well, he mused, no 'I love you, too', but hell, four kisses (five, if he
counted the first one on the cheek) and an 'I have faith in you,
Mulder', and he had enough excess energy coursing through him to light
up the whole damned Hoover building.

He jumped as the overhead lights crackled on.

"It's just Ruck, hitting the main switches down the hall," Scully said,
from three feet away.

He looked at her, across the distance she had automatically put between
them. "Let's just go, Scully," he said, voice low and urgent. "If I'm
going to a place called Dreamland, I have a feeling I'm going to need
you with me."

She gave him a long, considering look. Then, to his delight, she snapped
off the light box, gathered up her coat and briefcase, and said, "Let's
go, Mulder."

He glanced down as they exited the laboratory. "First aid kit?" he said.

"Check."

"Letter to Kersh from your mother, regarding that unavoidable family
emergency?"

"I'll fax it."

"Turkey jerky?"

"You can't expect me to think of everything, Mulder."

As they walked side by side down the hall, she said, "Mulder... you
realize this could be the end of a beautiful friendship."

"Could be," he said, opening the door to the stairwell. Then lowering
his voice, he murmured, "But, oh, Scully, what a way to go."

***

Ruck stepped around the corner at the end of the hallway, then stopped
to watch the familiar trench-coated pair. The small red-head set the
pace, with her tall partner falling easily into accustomed step beside
her. As they walked through the stairwell door, the woman's soft
laughter, in response to something her partner had said next to her ear
as she passed in front of him echoed back toward Ruck.

Watching the door close behind them, the guard smiled, and said, "Here's
looking at you, kids."

***


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