The title is: Something’s never change. The song is of course, Some things never change by Tim McGraw Parts 1-16 of Understandings can be viewed at http://www.geocities.com/cimerene/
Note to the side:
Momma always refers to Samantha and Mommy Kerry always refers to Kerry.
This fanfic is considered a tissue issue, mostly cause I cried all the way through it..
Dedicated lovingly to my Irish.
I will love you. Always, my princess!
*~ * ~ *~ *~ *~ * ~ *~ *~
After all this time I still miss you every day
The same world spins 'round
I guess some things never change
Sometimes I go out but it never feels the same
I still look for you baby some things never change
*~ * ~ *~ *~ *~ * ~ *~ *~ *~ * ~ *~ *~
John and Kerry’s house 1 year and a half later.
*~ * ~ *~ *~ *~ * ~ *~ *~ *~ * ~ *~ *~
Madison lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. Dave sat down besides her wondering what she was thinking. “Well you going to tell me.” He asked her suddenly, curious at her quietness. He watched as she scrunched her small eyes tight.
“NO!”
Dave smiled at her defiance, then proceeded to tickle her mercilessly. Watching as Madison squirmed and giggled beneath his touch.
“Now will you tell me.” Dave said as he stopped his ruthless torture of his small victim.
Madison sat up and looked at him squarely in his eyes. “I’ll tell you but you can’t tell Mommy Kerry or Uncle John.”
“Now you know I can’t promise that..” Dave laughingly but seriously told her, “if I start keeping secrets about you, then they won’t let me come over and baby-sit anymore.”
Madison looked worried for a moment then quietly said. “Ok, you can tell Mommy Kerry but not Uncle John, he’ll tell everyone.” As she said that she glanced over towards the picture of Samantha, her mother, her face smiled at her with a happy, carefree glance. A smile that lingered, always staying sweetly the same. A smile seemingly captured in time.
“I know what… before you tell me” Dave said quietly looking quickly away, “lets go downstairs and get some ice-cream, then we’ll look at some stuff I brought over.”
Madison looked at him mischievously, “but I’m supposed to be asleep by 9:00 and its” she squinted at her new Mickey mouse watch trying to remember what each number her beloved Mommy Kerry had taught her. “Its 8 .. umm it’s 8 ummm.. Its 8, 4 and 5” she told him seriously looking up into his face to see if he was going to laugh at her.
Dave looked at her small watch, then back to her serious face. “It’s 8:45, but I think because I’m watching you tonight, mommy Kerry,” he paused trying not to laugh at the mangling of his chiefs name. “Mommy Kerry won’t mind if you are up a little later than usual.”
Madison looked up at him, not sure whether to believe him or not, but her love for ice-cream won. “Ok,” she bounced off the couch.
“Irish, let’s go get some ice-cream.” The small black and white Border collie puppy had grown tremendously in the last year and a half. Irish looked adoringly at Madison, then stood up, stretched and wagged her tail in response to her beloved person’s voice.
“I didn’t say Irish was going to eat any!” Dave called as he followed her downstairs.
* * * * * * * *
Downstairs:
* * * * * * * *
When I said I'd love you for eternity
I just never knew how true those words would be
Just an old love song just the mention of your name
My heart breaks in two again
I guess some things never change
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Are you sure you can eat all of that?” Dave asked her watching her scoop the ice cream into her bowl. Madison peered intently at her bowl then at the meager scoops she had put into his bowl.
“Yes.”
She disappointedly watched as he scooped ½ of the contents of her bowl into his.
“There that’s better.”
“I like chocolate chip ice-cream. Momma did to.” She peered intently at Dave as she said that. She knew that her Uncle Dave missed her Momma. Every time he came over, he went over the picture of Samantha that hung in the hallway. Always with the same sad expression on his face.
This time was no exception, as she spoke he had wondered over to her picture. She walked up to him, for once forgetting her ice cream.
“I miss Momma sometimes to. Mommy Kerry told me it was ok to miss her.”
She told him seriously.
Dave looked from the picture of Samantha back to Madison, watching the small urchin’s serious face. Dave looked down at the little girl who had been such a part of his life for so long.
“Guess what I brought you.” He told her, deliberately trying to shake off his previous somber mood. It wasn’t fair to Madison who had so much more loss than he had, to upset her like this.
“What? Is it a new game for my playstation?” She told him assertively. Dave smiled; as usual her mind was on her playstation.
He laughed at the serious face before him. “No, it’s not a new game.”
He grabbed the box that had been sitting on the kitchen table, motioned her to pick up her ice cream, together they walked into the livingroom. He put the box on the floor besides them and motioned for her to open it.
Madison reached into the box with one small hand, pulling out a handful of small square objects.
“Picture’s” Madison squealed, then dived her hands into the box to pull out more. “Where did you get these? They are all of Momma!” she told him excitedly. Dave knew Samantha’s instincts had been right.
He remembered how he had received the pictures. A brief message on his answering machine had led him to Jeff, the Carter family lawyer. He had been handed a small envelope with the request that he might want to read it in private. Inside the envelope was a letter and a key to a safety deposit box. He had taken the letter and the key, made his goodbye’s and then found himself crying inside a local bank, looking at a box full of miscellaneous stuff, reading and re-reading this letter.
The writing was unfamiliar, but the heart, mind and spirit behind it weren’t.
Dearest Dave,~
~If you’re reading this, then it’s really happened and I’m not around to harass you anymore.~
Dave smiled, even after all this time, his Samantha’s spirit shone through.
~I want to tell you right off that I love you! We’ve never spoken of love; we just took our time.
But every day with you was just one more day of Joy that I never expected to have.~
Dave let the letter fall to his lap, trying to still the tears but they fell anyway. He missed her so much, each day at first without her had felt like an eternity, but as time went by, he gradually started to feel better. With her first words upon the page he once again felt grief, grief like he hadn’t felt since he had first found out about her death.
He squared his shoulders and picked up her letter again.
~Do you remember the day we first met?~
Immediately struck with the memory, Dave gave himself up to visions: He had been to a hockey game with a friend. He remembered waited impatiently at the refreshment stand for his turn. Finally reaching the stand, he was tired, cold and grumpy. He had impatiently waited; blowing his hands, wishing he had wore a hat, getting more irritated by the moment. All that was swept away when he looked up, and saw the most beautiful blonde he’d ever seen with the prettiest blue eyes, serving beverages and hotdogs.
That evening he must have spent over thirty dollars worth of refreshments, and shown up at the stand 10 more times before the night was over, but it had been worth it. Every trip back he talked to her more, till eventually she agreed at the end of the evening to give him her phone number. He thought how ironic it was that today was exactly 2 years to the day they met.
~I thought then as I still do now, that you were probably the handsomest man I’ve ever seen.~
He blushed.
~and yes, I know your blushing now, you were always more sensitive than anyone around you ever gave you credit for.~
He smiled again, missing her so much, she always did know him a little to well.
~I was thinking back earlier about our first date. It was so dark outside, a really wintry night. I remember being worried that you wouldn’t show up, that the snowy and the weather conditions would cause you to cancel. I was so surprised when you came to the door, and I felt so guilty, worrying that you would get upset when you found out about Madison. I was so silly to even doubt you.~
Dave remembered being shocked, he had no idea that she had a child. Instead of the romantic evening he had planned, instead of the dinner, the date, and a little romantic action afterwards they had stayed in.
Stayed in to order pizza, and read stories to Madison till nearly midnight. Each had taken turns reading her stories, changing their voices, acting out the characters to cheer up the small sick little girl. It was one of the funniest first dates he’d ever had.
~I was in shock, I never dreamed anyone like you could ever love someone like me. You used to tell me that I was the silly one, that how could anyone not love me.~
Dave dripped tears onto the letter. Each word was bittersweet torment. A bittersweet reminder of how much he had lost, and how much he had that he never knew.
~I loved you from the moment I first saw you, and every moment we spent together I loved you more.~
Dave remembered many dates they had where they had just spent time together, sometimes roller skating so that Madison could skate with them, sometimes at the park, or just watching a movie together.
~In this box you’ll find some momento’s of the time we’ve spent together. If you want you can keep them, but please make copies of the pictures for Madison. She’ll want to see them when she is older.~
Dave reached into the box and pulled out the first thing he saw - a dried rose. At first he just stared at it, wondering why she had kept it; the petals were falling off, it was old, dried and brittle. Then he realized that it was one of the flowers he had given her on the night of their first date.
Bittersweet memories appeared. He remembered how beautiful she had looked, standing there at the door of her apartment. He remembered the black tight fitting jeans and the light blue sweater, that hugged every curve she had. She had stood at the door looking worried, frazzled and absolutely beautiful to him.
He remembered sitting on the couch, telling her, she worried too much, take out pizza was always better if the driver gets lost.
The look on Madison’s face when she found out that her mother would actually eat anchovies without gagging had been one of the cutest expressions he thought he’d ever seen, and the look on Samantha’s face when Madison unscrewed the top to the pepper jar, and deliberately placed ¾ of the contents on to her pizza then ate it. He thought for sure that her cold had left her at precisely that moment.
He sadly reached in and pulled out the next thing he saw. Two ticket stubs to the first hockey game they had ever gone to. He remembered being shocked that Samantha had wanted to go with him in the first place. He was even more surprised when the game started getting good, and his sweet, adorable, find of a girl. Started screaming, hollering and shouting at the referees.
He thought about how much he missed her. He was brought back to reality when Madison tapped him on the shoulder.
“Uncle Dave?” Madison asked him suddenly, unaware of his trip down memory lane. “Will I get to keep these pictures? Or do you want to keep some to?
Dave was astounded at her sensitivity, a child that young usually thought of themselves first, second, and then if forced mabey someone else third.
“I brought these for you munchkin. You see your mommy left them for me to give to you.”
He reached into the box to pull out an elaborate handmade fabric picture album. “Your momma made this, and never got the chance the put the pictures inside, so that’s what we are going to do tonight. You see she thought it would be fun for us to put them in it, and for you to keep it.”
He felt no need to mention that he had already made copies of each and every precious picture. He knew that Madison felt the need to keep her mother close to her always, something that she and Dave had in common.
He watched contented as Madison placed the pictures into different groups, intently sorting through them. Her small face serious as if each momentous decision would change the world. He wondered if part of the Chief’s efficiency was rubbing off onto her. Every once in a while Madison would stop what she was doing and devour another portion of her ice-cream, only occasionally leaving traces on her face and her hands, and sleeves.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Maybe someday someone else will set me free
Until then I'll live with your love's legacy
And I'll keep holding on
Hoping you'll come back someday
You can rest assure baby some things never change
* * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dave opened the tucked Madison securely into her bed. He thought as he did every time he was allowed to watch her. That she should have been his. That if fates had been kinder she would have lived with him and Samantha forever. He smiled down tenderly at Madison’s sleepy features. They had finished the picture album, taking time and care, till Madison had finally fallen asleep on the floor. Dave’s strong arms had carried her up to bed, where she now rested peacefully for the night. Her small black and white dog stretched out on the carpet. Dave bent over before he left and patted the small creature that so obviously adored Madison.
“You take care of her for me ok, Irish.” The small black and white dog, looked up at Dave as if to mock him. How dare he tell her how to do her job. Still he was a decent human, always taking time to pat her carefully on the head, sometimes going so far as scratching her under the ears and chin in a kindly way. She decided she would forgive him his earlier remarks, but just this once.
Dave carefully closed the door to Madison’s room, leaving it slightly ajar, knowing that if she needed him for any reason he would be able to hear her. He silently cleaned up the mess they had made in the kitchen, then carefully cleaned up the remains of the photo’s in the livingroom. He had just picked up the last picture and had carefully inserted the picture into the Album, when the front door opened.
Right on cue, Irish left Madison’s room, tore down the livingroom stairs, barking and prancing in her excitement. Dave instinctively grabbed her by the collar. From past experience he knew this hyper little dog would need a moment or two to calm down, and he had no intentions tonight of having the entire household disturbed by her barking.
John opened the door further, as if worried that Irish would jump past him and onto Kerry. He saw Dave’s face peering down at him, from the top of the stairs.
“Well?” He asked suddenly. “The suspense was killing me.” John smiled. In his arms were bags from a nearby grocery outlet store. He shouldered the door open slightly to let Kerry come in.
She was bundled up, carrying a small bundle of her own. “Sorry we’re late, we stopped at the store for some milk and things.”
Kerry looked up at Dave, a happy smile on her face. One of contentment and joy. “Do you want to see?” she asked him quietly not wishing to disturb the little bundle in her arms.
Dave looked from Irish to Kerry. “John, you bring those bags upstairs and take Irish. Then I’ll look.” He waited for John to bring the bags upstairs and place them onto a small table nearby. Kerry smiled at the small bundle in her arms, then carefully placed the small baby in Dave’s waiting arms.
“Samantha Lynn, meet your Uncle Dave.”
The baby looked up at Dave with wide open eyes, then yawned and fell back to sleep. Both Kerry and Dave smiled. John still holding Irish’s by the collar said, “Hey you to, I may be strong but she’s going to wear me out, let’s bring my daughter upstairs, and let Irish have a look at her new charge. Then I can let go of her.” His voice held long time suffering and a bit of pride all mixed up in one. He loved Irish dearly, but sometimes this bundle of nerves was a bit much to hold, especially when she was excited. Kerry let Dave carry her newest daughter up the stairs. When they reached the top she took little Sami from him, and carefully knelt down, just barely letting the dog look at her.
Irish sniffed the baby. She decided that the baby definitely smelled like Kerry, but also like John. She looked from Kerry back to the baby as if to say. Yes, she’s finally here, what all the fuss about. John and Kerry smiled at each other; their joy at the moment hard to contain. As Kerry straightened John let go of Irish and watched her trot into the livingroom to curl up in front of the couch.
Kerry limped slowly and carefully towards the couch, making sure she didn’t jar or jostle her little one too much. She slowly sank down, unwrapping her from the cold weather gear they had so carefully placed around her at the hospital. The room was silent till Dave spoke.
“Did the birth mother, Sara? Was that her name?” he said on aside to John; “have any problems?” Kerry smiled, “No, she did wonderfully. Said she was grateful to go from being a pumpkin to having a figure again.”
Dave smiled softly, he was happy for John and Kerry. The birth mother they had chosen already had children of her own, and had born 2 other surrogate children for others.
He watched the joy that John and Kerry had for their newest member of the household, and hoped that life would always stay this happy for them.
Kerry looked up from contemplating the teany fingers, when John plaintively asked. “Will I get to hold her anytime soon? You got her in the hospital, and you have her now.” he trailed off trying to look like the injured party.
Kerry smiled and handed her new, adorable baby over to her father. John smiled down at her, wondering how God had ever made someone so pretty and lovable and wet.
“Was Madison any trouble?” Kerry asked Dave, as she saw him put his coat on. At the mention of her name, Madison finally came into the room. She had been peeking by the door, afraid to get into to trouble, but curious to know if she had a brother or a sister.
“I’m never trouble, right Uncle Dave.” She giggled and squealed as Dave picked her up and hung her upside down for a few seconds, then quickly righted her as Kerry glared at him and shushed him staring pointedly at the baby.
“Our’ baby’s here!! Did I get a brother or a sister?” Madison asked curiously. John solomly looked at Madison, “You have a little sister!”
Madison looked at Dave as if to tell him, she got exactly what SHE wanted. She turned to her Uncle.
“It’s a Samantha, right Uncle John, I’m right aren’t I?” she excitedly asked him. “I know you named her after my momma, cause I heard you and mommy Kerry talking. Can I hold her?” she asked John, trying not to bounced up and down in her excitement and failing miserably.
John sighed; somehow he didn’t think he was going to get much of a chance to hold his new daughter. Kerry quickly told Madison. “Maddy, come sit over here and John will let you hold her.” John placed her carefully in her small arms, watching her stiffly not moving as if afraid she would break her new sister. Dave smiled to hear both John and Kerry in unison tell her to be careful of the baby’s head.
“Mommy Kerry, she has red hair just like you do.” Kerry smiled, obviously the baby had soft red tints to her brown hair, but if Madison thought the baby’s hair was red like her’s who was she to argue.
She looked up at Dave’s quiet goodnight. “You’re not going already?” Dave smiled slowly it was time to let this family be together. “I have someone I need to meet.” He knew by the half smile on Kerry and John’s faces that they concluded that he had finally taken up dating again. He let them assume. “I’ll catch you guy’s later.” He smiled at Madison, patted Irish on the head, nodded to John and Kerry and quietly left the house.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The grave was dark, as it always was when Dave stopped by. He stood by it like he had so many other times before, staring deeply at the marker that heralded her silent grave.
“I was with your little one today. She sure has gotten big. You’d be real proud of her.” He told her grave silently. He paused wishing that just once he could see the sparkle in her eyes, to hear the laughter in her voice. “John and Kerry are taking wonderful care of her. Today they even adopted a new little girl.” His voice broke, he waited, struggling to hold his tears. “they named her after you.”
He sank to the ground next to the marker, in the near darkness he brushed a few twigs away from the headstone. Silently gathering his thoughts before he went on.
“I know I come here more often than you expect me to, but… I still miss you.”
He was silent for a long time. Finally he arose. “Well, I just wanted to give you the news, I probably should be going.”
He placed a small weathered rose on her grave, the same rose he had given her on their first date.
“In case you’ve forgotten...” he paused struggling with his words.
“I still love you.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Girl I'm still in love with you
I guess some things never change
I still love you
