The Ninth Life
Author: Cadillac Red (with help and support from Ginger. Thanks! Your input and ideas helped a lot!)
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Walter Skinner et al do not belong to me; they belong to Chris Carter and Fox. I mean no harm and will make no money from their use.
Spoilers: Eighth season including Deadalive, Three Words and Empedocles.
Setting: Eighth Season. Takes place between Three Words and Empedocles
Rating: PG. Discipline, no slash.
Summary: After his return from the dead, Mulder's feeling disconnected and adrift until the AD and his father help him rediscover where he belongs-and what's expected of him.
The Skinner Home
Danville, Pennsylvania
5:40 a.m.
Walter Skinner, Jr. stood under the giant oak tree in the backyard, staring up at the early morning sky. Light was just beginning to spill over the horizon in the distance and the sky was a deep purple, shifting toward blue. The moon was still up, a thin slice of translucent silver bookended by two stars that made it hard to believe dawn was just a few moments away.
"Penny for your thoughts," a deep voice drawled from behind. The AD's father came to a stop beside him. Walter, Sr. and his namesake were both habitual early risers.
"I'm not sure I could put them in words," the son replied quietly.
His father nodded solemnly. After nearly six months of pure hell, having watched helplessly as Fox Mulder was abducted before his eyes, then searched tirelessly for some hint of a trail to follow, the younger man had been returned to his surrogate father, his lifeless, tortured body dumped on the cold ground somewhere in Montana. The Skinner family had grieved for their loss, and for the anguish of their eldest son. Walter had not bounced back to normal afterward, not really. He could fake it most of the time, but his family had known the truth.
Then the unthinkable, the impossible occurred. It was a miracle the family's deep faith could not have envisaged, no matter how strongly one believed in the possibility of miracles. Fox was alive! Buried alive.... But still... alive. Returned to them from unimaginable horror. And now, the young man was physically well and sleeping in the house, having returned to the family homestead for the first time this weekend. Despite that joyous reality, Walter Sr. had listened to his son, his beloved eldest child, walking the floors of the house off an on throughout the previous night.
"Try," he said just as quietly. "I want to help, son."
Walter Jr. blinked back tears. He didn't want to let them come. He couldn't explain them, if they did. And his father would want an explanation. Hell, he'd deserve one. Skinner bore the guilt of having put his family through the nightmare of losing, then burying, another child. Now, the fact Mulder was back, and all right, couldn't wipe away the six months or more of suffering they'd undergone.
"I-I wish I could," he said, trying to make light of it. "I wish I ... knew myself."
"I put some tea on," the older man said, putting an arm around his son's shoulder. "The strong Russian kind-"
"Of course!" his son snorted, trying to reestablish some normalcy.
"We'll sit, we'll sip some tea. You'll tell me..." the older man said. He squeezed the younger Skinner's shoulder, then he turned, expecting him to follow.
The Assistant Director sighed, and glanced up at the sky once more. It was now a vibrant violet shade that signaled the last moment before dawn. Releasing a deep, ragged breath, he turned slowly and headed into the house.
His father was pouring the tea, putting out the strong, bitter cherries that went with it. In the Russian tradition, both me took a single cherry into their mouths, then drank the strong, black tea through it. After a minute of silence, the younger man finally spoke.
"You see how he is," he said, barely whispering. "I want-I want so much to make it all better for him. I want to..." he faltered, then struggled to push back the tears that suddenly came from nowhere. "I want to give him a hug, for God's sake. But... he won't... I guess, what he went through was so... so bad--. He doesn't want to be touched. He comes close, but if you reach out to him, he pulls back. From everyone-"
Mr. Skinner nodded. He'd noted the same behavior the night before, when Skinner and Mulder arrived. Only Rachel had been able to get past Fox's reserve, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. But he appeared tense and nervous and he backed away as soon as he could without insulting her. The others in the family had taken their cue from that and held back. As Walter was doing apparently.
"He probably just needs time," the older man said.
"I guess. I hope so," the AD responded fervently. "Scully doesn't understand it either. He says he doesn't know where he fits in. Where he "belongs." I hoped coming here... coming home... would be a step in the right direction. But he's reminds me of a puppy that's been beaten too much and too often. Hanging back, staying away from everyone because he just knows someone will hurt him. Or encroach on his space - his safety...." He shook his head. It was so unfathomable for Mulder to fear him. Or Scully. Or the Skinner family.
"I know. I'm not sure it's such a good idea for us to be having this baby shower on Sunday," Walter Sr. said. "I know your Mom and the girls said it's just a little thing, just family. But Fox doesn't know about it yet, does he?"
Skinner shook his head. "I meant to tell him on the way up but he went to sleep as soon as we were in the car. I-I didn't want to wake him. He seems to need a lot of sleep lately._"
"Probably a defense mechanism. Like sleeping on the porch.," the older man said. "He said it's 'cause the house is crowded and we'll need the study when Dana and her mother arrive tomorrow. But I got the feeling-I think he was looking for a way to separate himself from the rest of the family."
Skinner took another sip of the strong brew as he thought about it. Fox had chosen to bed down on the enclosed side porch, what the family referred to as the "sun room," instead of his usual place in the upstairs study. With Andy Eileen, and their kids, it was crowded. Tomorrow morning, Dana and Maggie Scully would arrive and they were slated to share one of the other bedrooms. The original plan was for Andy's kids to move to the porch once the Scullys arrived. The room had a pull-out bed and was often used as an extra room when it was needed.
But... Fox had upended the plan, saying he preferred the porch. He had joked that several months in a coffin would make anyone "claustrophobic" so the porch, with multiple large windows, was his preference. Skinner had visibly flinched when he said it but Mulder hadn't appeared to notice.
"I have to tell him about the baby shower today," Skinner said. "He knows the cover story, that Scully and her mother are coming because Mom and the girls want to take her baby shopping. I-I was afraid he was going to bow out of the weekend when I told him that. He's ... he's not dealing with the pregnancy too well..."
At that moment, Andy stepped into the kitchen, a short stubble of beard on his grinning face. "One reason I love to be around you guys," he announced, yawning. "I don't have to feel like the early-riser in the group!"
He took a seat as his father got up and got the teapot. He poured another cup of tea for Andy. Like his father and brother, the youngest sibling took a tart cherry and bit it, then followed with a gulp of tea. "Yumm. No one makes tea like you, Dad."
That brought a small smile to the older man's face. Then he began to fill Andy in on his and Walter's conversation, finishing with a question. "Has Fox confided in you at all, Andy? I mean, I don't understand his reaction to the baby. That's the kind of thing that makes a man feel... things he's never even thought about before. Makes him want to do everything humanly possible for his wife-I mean, the mother of his child.... I mean, you know what I mean."
Andy and Walter exchanged a quick, telling glance before returning their gazes to the contents of the mugs in front of them. How did one tell someone of their father's generation that they weren't even certain Scully's baby was Mulder's child? He'd jumped to what to him was a logical conclusion. Both he and Rachel had made that assumption. But nothing with Mulder was ever what you first guessed. Especially not lately.
The Assistant Director thought fast. A big part of him was impressed by the fact his Dad had not questioned why Mulder wasn't marrying Scully. He knew that was a Herculean effort to understand the ways and choices of a world that was lightyears away from his own experience and beliefs. Where would the AD begin to try to explain this scenario? The fact was, he didn't understand it himself. And neither Scully nor Mulder had been forthcoming with the details.
He could tell Andy was not going to be any help on this point. He was intently studying the grain in the wood table top....as though he had never seen it before in the twenty years their parents owned it.
"Dad," Skinner began. "I-I honestly don't know what's going on with that. I don't know what's going on with Fox most of the time lately. But I hope you're right. He just needs more time."
Andy glanced at him, silently acknowledging the giant side-step he'd just made. *Couldn't have finessed that one better myself, big brother!*
The object of their discussion was lying, wide-awake, in bed on the other side of the house. He'd wakened early. In fact, he'd slept fitfully. A slight breeze had moved through the trees that hung over the porch at various times throughout the night. The moon had not been bright, but it cast a shadow from behind the moving branches. The wind, the shadows, they were things that would not have kept him awake in the past. But now....
Actually, if he was honest with himself, he'd slept poorly most of his life. It was only in recent years he'd begun to sleep peacefully, restfully. Nightmares had once been a constant companion for Fox Mulder. Now, they were once again. What goes around, comes around, he thought idly, staring out the windows.
He studied the sky, watching it shift from purple to blue, anticipating the bright yellow of a sun that would rise over the trees momentarily. He knew he should feel content and happy. He was healthy. He was with people who loved and cared about him. And yet, he could not shake the ever present sense of detachment. He couldn't help feeling like he'd died and they'd all moved on and now, there was no place for him. Not really. The space he'd once inhabited had been filled already and, no matter how hard they all wanted it, he could not 'fit' in any longer.
Dana and her mother arrived at mid-morning. Rachel had made a strudel and they all had coffee and cake in the kitchen, then the women left for their shopping trip. Maggie, Rachel, Dana, and Eileen headed out, with Nora explaining that she had to stay behind because little Griffin had a slight fever. The baby was almost two years old now and he had displayed symptoms of something the day before. But today it was a convenient excuse.
"I'll stay with him," she'd said, using the cover story the Skinner women had concocted. "I don't get to see the kids much and Eileen deserves a day out."
The men in the family had already been given their assignments. Walter's first job was to tell Fox about the shower. He tapped Joe to help.
"Fox, Fiona will be here in a little while-"
"Fiona's coming?" Mulder responded warily. It was starting to be a larger crowd than he'd anticipated. Not that he didn't like Fiona. But he was immediately alert to something unexpected.
"Yes, Nora invited her. They're throwing Scully a little baby shower. Nothing fancy. Just the family-"
Fox eyed him, his eyes questioning and guarded.
"I was going to tell you last night but you fell asleep-"
"It's-it's not a problem," Fox answered, cutting him off. "I mean-- I'm sure Scully will appreciate it, as long as it's nothing too big. She deserves ... she deserves people being happy about her baby."
Skinner and Joe both noted his language and his obvious discomfort. They watched as he visibly struggled to get a grip on his reaction.
"And besides, showers are for women, right?" Mulder continued. "What are the "men folk" gonna do while they're oohing and aahing over bibs and disposable diapers?"
"Well, you're right about that, Fox," Joe replied in kind. "There's a playoff game on tonight-
Mulder nodded. He had missed most of the season but the Knicks were hanging on, fighting for a playoff berth. Still, his usual enthusiasm for the subject didn't surface.
"We'll eat," Joe continued, "then retire to the family room before they start opening gifts. None of us has that kind of patience....."
They spent the day running the errands they'd been assigned, picking up a cake, decorating at the direction of a very demanding Nora, and finally greeting the small group of other guests. Fiona Barefoot arrived from Virginia first, at lunch time. She immediately began to pitch in with the preparations.
Then Doug and Emily Dawson appeared. Emily was newly pregnant, just beginning to show and the young couple were ecstatic about their news. Doug's parents, Jean and Oliver, and his sister Kelly, followed them up the driveway a minute later. They were ecstatic grandparents to be.
Joe's son Mike drove up a little while later, with his sisters, Kathy and Amanda in tow. The girls immediately got in the swing of things, setting up a lace-trimmed bassinet that they filled with a bunch of small things for babies - some of which Skinner had never seen nor heard of before. They soon had their uncle Walter laughing as they demonstrated some of them.
"I wish I'd had these gizmos when Fox was a baby," he chuckled. "Would have made my life a lot easier. Say... how come nobody thought to throw me a baby shower, huh? I had to figure this stuff out the hard way."
"Well, it's a lot easier on the planning committee if you have babies the normal way," Kelly said, giving Fox a big smile. She didn't seem to think it was strange when he colored and then excused himself from the room. Along with Kathy and Amanda, she apparently thought he was just being circumspect. But Skinner knew better.
He went after Fox but couldn't find him immediately. He was distracted by the phone ringing then being answered by his father.
"That's the signal," the older man said excitedly. "They're on their way. Eileen said they've "shopped till they dropped"- which is code for they're at the turn-off."
Joe, Andy and Walter all laughed immediately as the older man went off to alert everyone in the living room.
"How much do you want to bet he synchronized their watches before they left?" Joe chuckled.
"I just hope he didn't ask Eileen to remember anything too detailed," Andy snorted good-naturedly. "I'm the first one to acknowledge my wife's brilliant but she's got a terrible memory for stuff like that. That could actually mean they took a wrong turn and they're in Ohio!"
Skinner realized suddenly that he didn't know where Fox had gone. "Anyone see Fox?" he asked worriedly.
When he realized none of them had, he called Mike and Doug over next.
"I saw him go out the back door," Doug responded. "Amanda's outside with the little kids."
Skinner headed that way and found his niece was on her way inside with the children. She was herding Brian, Haley and Griffin into the house. She told Skinner they'd seen Fox and he'd been on his way down toward the river.
"Daddy," little Griffin said to him, holding his arms up to Skinner. The boy was at the age where every male he knew was called 'Daddy' and every female 'Mommy.' Skinner lifted him up instinctively, then motioned for Andy to take him. The younger brother hurried over and did as expected, taking the toddler into his arms. "Daddy," the child said again. His vocabulary was not yet very extensive.
"What's wrong with Uncle Fox?" four-year-old Haley asked Skinner, tugging at his sleeve. "He never wants to play with us any more."
"Yeah," Brian answered a little sadly. "I don't think Uncle Fox likes us too much now."
Skinner looked to Andy helplessly and his younger brother stepped in right away. "That's not true," he told them with a smile. "He's got a lot on his mind, that's all. I bet he'll want to play with you as soon as he has a little more time."
Skinner nodded at Andy, silently thanking him, then he stepped out onto the back porch and began scanning the property. If Fox had gone down to the river, he would not be back in time for the surprise. The car with Scully and the others would be here any moment. As he jogged down the steps and toward the end of the family's property, he found himself musing about how quickly children adapted. A year ago, Brian and Haley accepted a 'reversed' Fox as a peer. A little while later, he was an older cousin. Then he'd disappeared, 'gone to heaven.' And now he was back-and back to being 'Uncle Fox.' *If only Fox could adapt that easily now!*
Unfortunately, the young man seemed to have lost his ability to adapt to anything. Every interaction, every slight change he encountered from what had existed prior to his disappearance, sent him into a tailspin. Skinner called Fox's name a few times but no one answered. He considered heading back to the house and letting Fox come when he was ready but... the fact was, the AD wasn't certain when he'd be "ready." Or if he'd come back on his own. The way things were, he might just head to the highway and start hitching a ride back to DC.
Sighing, the AD gave up the idea of being there when Scully arrived. He began to jog along the river. It had rained a day or two earlier and the ground was still damp enough to leave footprints. He followed them to a clearing not far from the wooden bridge that ran across the river at one of its narrowest points. Fox was sitting on a log, tossing stones into the cold water.
Skinner knew the younger man sensed his presence but he didn't turn around. He waited a minute, then he closed the distance between them, taking a seat on the log beside Mulder.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," Mulder responded in kind. He tossed another stone into the river.
"Anything on your mind?" the AD asked him quietly.
Mulder smiled, a sad, half-smile. He paused, as if he was trying to pull his thoughts together. "I was just thinking," he said finally. "You know when you have a bucket of water? And you stick your hand in it? When you take your hand out, the water just rushes in and fills the spot where your hand was. Immediately. You could never even tell a hand was there....."
Skinner frowned, not certain where this was coming from. "And what is it that's got you thinking about buckets of water?"
Mulder ran a hand over his face. "Not so much buckets of water. Life. And death."
Skinner nodded slowly. He sensed this was important and didn't want to rush Fox. Or frighten him off. "Whose?"
Now the younger man grimaced. "Einstein's," he answered sarcastically. "Whose do you think?"
Skinner tamped down his immediate reaction to Fox's attitude, keeping his countenance still.
"I'm sorry," Fox interjected immediately. "I didn't-I didn't mean it that way.... Oh, hell! I can't seem to get anything right since I returned from the dead, can I?"
"I wouldn't say that," Skinner answered, picking up a stone and tossing it into the water. "I would say you're doing a remarkable job of trying to deal with something.... Something that would have most people taking up residence in a padded cell."
Mulder sighed. "That probably should have been my first stop," he said quietly.
"Fox, you need to give yourself some time-"
The younger man didn't move. He barely seemed to be breathing. "Time's the problem," he said finally. "It moved on and I can't seem to catch up with it. I feel like I'm ... running behind everyone I know, yelling "Remember me?" And-they do kind of. But it's like I'm a distant memory.... Not a part of anyone's life any more."
Skinner listened intently, trying to understand but knowing he was failing. "That's not how anyone sees it, Fox. That's .... That's something in your head. You're as much a part of our lives-all of our lives-as ever."
Mulder shook his head almost imperceptibly as he continued to stare at the ground in front of him. "Explain Agent Doggett," he said succinctly, his bitterness bleeding through.
The Assistant Director frowned. "He's a good agent," he said. "He's not you and he never will be. Kersh assigned him-"
"I know. He and Scully seem to have formed a pretty successful partnership though, huh? And I understand through the grapevine their solve rate's better than mine ever was-"
"And you know as well as I do, it's because of the way Kersh is doing the math, and the nature of the cases they worked on when.... during your absence. Doggett's a good man b-"
"Yeah, you keep saying that. Scully says he's 'above reproach.' I know Doggett's a lot more your kind of agent than I am-"
"Stop!" Skinner said, raising his voice. "Stop that right now, Fox."
The other man blinked. Then he pasted on an artificial smile. "I'm sorry," he began, only to be cut off--
"Let me speak," the AD said firmly. "John Doggett is a good agent, and a talented investigator. I do like him. But Fox... I love you. You are a part of my family-and a part of my life. Losing you was like losing a lung, kid. It-was harder to breathe. And impossible to feel normal or whole...."
Mulder turned to him, visibly surprised.
"And that's the personal side, Fox," Skinner continued. "At work, I missed you every day. Every time we needed a different perspective, a fresh approach to a case. Every time we were faced with something no one had ever seen before, we felt your absence. I can't speak for Kersh-his actions are inexplicable to me. But the rest of us-me, Scully-"
Now Mulder cut him off. "Scully didn't lose any time moving on with her life," he said. "I'm happy for her, of course - about the baby-"
Skinner raised his eyebrows. It was past the point where he needed to know about this issue. He waited to hear what Fox would say next.
"I - I never told you she tried IVF before," he said. "A while back - before I was a kid again. She asked me to be the father-sperm donor, I mean. But it didn't work. I'm glad she found someone else...."
"Scully told you it was IVF?"
"She didn't have to tell me. She's barren, ever since her abduction-"
Skinner blew out a deep breath. "Fox, I don't think that's how it happened," he said. "Scully was shocked, stunned to find out she was pregnant. And anyway, the timing doesn't work. Think about when this baby's due. She would have had to get pregnant in the four weeks before you disappeared. Wouldn't you have known if she was undergoing any such procedures?"
Mulder frowned deeply. "I thought it must have happened right after I left."
Now Skinner snorted. "You think you disappeared and the first thing Scully did was rush home and try to get pregnant? And that it worked immediately, after several previous failures?"
The younger agent bit down on his lower lip in consternation. That did sound ridiculous when Skinner put it that way.
"Before you were abducted," Skinner began slowly, trying to feel his way through this dialogue. "I kind of thought-I thought that maybe you and Scully were...."
Fox reddened and went back to staring at his own sneakers.
The AD cleared his throat and tried again. "I thought you had gotten closer and were ...sleeping together-"
"But-even if that was true-- that wouldn't make Scully pregnant," Mulder said suddenly. "She was barren-"
"Fox, you were dead," Skinner answered forcefully. "And now you're alive. It's no less impossible that Scully got pregnant the usual way than that you were returned to childhood and grew up again. Or that you're alive now after.... after everything that happened in the last eight months. God, in some ways the entire last eight years are... unexplainable."
Mulder's throat had tightened as he tried to hold back tears. "Oh," he said, hearing his own voice break. "I guess that's my fault, too."
Skinner laughed, despite himself. "Yeah. But it's one of the things I love most about you." His head told him he should let Mulder take the next step. But paternal instincts born in his heart told him differently.
He put a muscled arm around the younger man's shoulder. His heart filled with relief when Fox turned into his shoulder and hugged him, letting the tears come freely. The Assistant Director's eyes welled up at the same time.
"It's okay, son," Skinner said. "It's all gonna be okay. I know it. We can't deny these miracles. That would be like spitting in God's face."
Mulder made a sound that was half-snort, half laughing. "I may have done that once or twice in my life," he said self-consciously.
"I know. We won't let that happen again though, right? I think you've used up eight of your nine lives by now. Let's not press your luck any further."
They spent a few more minutes while Mulder calmed down a little more. The, without another word from the AD, Mulder rose and they headed back to the Skinner house. By now, the AD knew the surprise would have happened and he suspected everyone was silently wondering where he and Mulder were.
Coming in the back door, they spotted Joe in the kitchen, taking a couple of beers out of the refrigerator. He eyed the two of them, then watched silently as Fox sprinted up the back stair.
"Everything all right?" Joe said when the younger man was out of earshot.
"It will be."
"Good. We've all been worried about him," Joe said quietly.
Walter nodded. "I know. He's ... moving slowly but-I think he's at least going in the right direction now."
They joined the crowd in the living room and about fifteen minutes later, Fox appeared. He was immediately greeted by Maggie Scully with an affectionate kiss on the cheek.
"We wondered where you were," Maggie said fondly. "How are you?"
Mulder ducked his head, visibly embarrassed. "I'm fine," he said quietly. He caught Scully looking at him and he gave her an equally self-conscious half-smile. "Looks like the local "Toys R Us" blew up."
She gave him a relieved grin in return. "Yeah. I don't know how all of this stuff is gonna fit in my apartment..."
The mood lightened all around the room. Soon Scully had finished unwrapping and admiring the gifts and lunch had been served. Skinner found himself watching Mulder off and on, hoping he was dealing with all of this better. He seemed to be trying but he hung around the edges of groups, never really initiating a conversation with anyone and not getting too close to Scully. Everyone tried to pull him in but, in some had to pin down way, he resisted.
The Assistant Director sighed. He'd had high hopes that their conversation was a turning point but perhaps it only served to make Mulder more self-conscious about his place in all of this.
Skinner was standing on the back porch a while later with a cup of coffee in his hand. He was surprised by the sudden appearance of his father beside him.
"Fox is still not himself," the older man observed quietly. He exhaled slowly. "He's not back to normal with the family either. I-If I didn't know better, I'd say he's forgotten a lot of what happened before his disappearance."
His son nodded thoughtfully. "Only he hasn't forgotten it. It's more that he doesn't "feel" it, Dad. He says he feels like a stranger in his own life. I guess that's understandable, given everything..."
"But it's not acceptable, Walter," his father said firmly. "He needs to be made to feel a part of this family again. He needs to feel safe and secure in that knowledge. You need to get through to him."
Skinner nodded again, this time more tentatively. "I'm trying, Dad," he said quietly. "But I don't want to push too hard. I don't want him to feel any pressure-"
His father snorted. "Do you feel pressured to be part of this family?" he asked. "Do you feel the weight of our expectations, of our love? Because if you don't, I must have missed an important lesson-"
"I do, Dad," Skinner interjected hurriedly. "You didn't miss anything, I promise you... I've made it clear to him. And I'll ... reinforce it however I need to. It's just that I want to be certain I don't make things worse...."
His father placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it hard. "Son, I understand. I went through much the same thing when you came home from Vietnam. I wanted to make you feel loved and protected and ... safe. But I waited too long to remind you that being part of a family is a two-way street. It's not just about what your family does for you, it's about what you do for them. What they expect from you and need from you. And right now, I think Fox is missing the fact he has responsibilities here as well as entitlement. All around. I think that's why he's confused. He's - grounded on one side and floating free on the other. And it's your responsibility to get him firmly tethered again."
Skinner felt his father squeeze his shoulder blade one more time. Then he was startled when the older man slapped him on the butt, hard, with his other hand before turning and going back into the house. The AD glanced around quickly to make sure no one else was in the vicinity, then he let out a sigh of relief and took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee, considering the older man's words even as his butt stung from his non-verbal part of the message.
Skinner waited until that night, when everyone had gone to bed. Haley and Brian had gone to stay at Joe and Nora's place for the night because the Scullys and Fiona were staying overnight. Fiona had the study and Dana and Maggie one of the other rooms. Little Griffin's port-a-crib was in the room with his parents. And Walter had his old bedroom. There was a roll-away bed in the corner that was meant for Fox but the AD suspected he'd elect to sleep on the enclosed porch tonight again.
Rachel had planned a brunch for Sunday before they all headed home. So after a pot of tea and a second slice of cake for everyone, they were all ready to turn in a little early. Fox had excused himself to go out for a run after the company left, leaving the Skinners and Fiona, Dana and Maggie in the family room a while earlier. He'd declined the snack, saying he needed to run "to clear my head." He'd made eye contact with no one when he said it, generally announcing it to the room at large.
Walter Sr. had caught his son's eye when Mulder had come down the stairs dressed in running clothes, and his son had no trouble interpreting the look he was getting. He knew this was another distancing maneuver of Fox's. What he didn't know was what to do about it.
But now everyone but the Assistant Director had settled in for the night. Fox had been gone more than an hour and Skinner was beginning to worry when the sound of footsteps on the back porch caught his attention. He looked out through the kitchen curtains and saw Fox doing some post-run stretches. The AD went to the refrigerator and took out a carton of orange juice. He poured a tall glass over ice and handed it to Mulder when he came in.
"Oh! Th-thanks," he stammered, surprised that Skinner was waiting for him. "I didn't expect anyone to be up..."
Skinner nodded. That's what he had anticipated. "I want to talk to you, son," he said.
"We talked this afternoon, right?" the younger man answered quickly. "I mean-nothing's changed since then. I-I'm trying..." His voice trailed off. He didn't quite know how to explain what it was he was trying to do. Or be.
"I know," Skinner replied gently. Perhaps a little too gently, a voice inside him whispered. The voice sounded suspiciously like that of the elder Skinner but the AD shook it off. "I'm just not sure... I'm not sure that our talk this afternoon made any difference, Fox. That you understood what I-"
"I understood," the younger man snapped. He stood up suddenly. "I'm not having any trouble remembering things! I-I just have to take things at my own speed, okay?" He picked up the half-empty glass of juice and stomped toward the hallway. "I need a shower. I'll see you in the morning."
Skinner's eyebrows shot up but he was too stunned to make a move, or say anything to the rapidly departing figure.
Mulder took a long shower, making sure to give the older man enough time to calm down and go to bed. Then he quietly crept down the stairs and into the sleeping porch. It was dark, with only the dim starlight providing any illumination. He switched on the small lamp on the table next to the pullout bed and recoiled in shock when the light revealed someone sitting on the chair in the corner.
"Oh, Christ!" he exclaimed, gasping for a breath of oxygen once he realized it was only the AD. "You scared me to death!"
"Well, I hope not. As I said earlier, you've already used up eight of your nine lives," the man answered grimly. "Or perhaps eight and a half... given that death wish you displayed in the kitchen a little while ago."
Mulder grimaced. He'd been shocked at how easily he got away with that show of disrespect. Or not, apparently. "I-I'm sorry," he said quickly. "It's just-I'm not myself yet. I didn't mean anything-" He stopped as the AD rose and strode in his direction.
"Well, whoever you are earned himself a good spanking," Skinner said breezily. "And I think it's long overdue."
Mulder's mouth popped open and he unconsciously backed up, banging into the table and nearly knocking the small lamp to the ground. Skinner reached out and grabbed it, deftly placing it back on top of the small table. Then he put an arm around the younger man's shoulders.
"It's been a long time, son," he said as he turned Fox around and moved him toward the couch. "But as you said a little while ago, you're not having any trouble remembering things. So let's get this over with, huh? You remember how it goes. Oh, and you'll want to keep it down. There are a lot of people upstairs, you know."
Mulder blushed furiously, then he stepped quickly back to the doorway and closed the French doors there. They wouldn't provide much of a sound barrier but anything would be a blessing at this point. "I-Please!" he said, hoping this one time begging would work. "I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean what I said in the kitchen-"
Skinner pointed to the floor beside his knees while maintaining eye contact with Mulder. "It wasn't so much WHAT you said as HOW you said it," he answered succinctly. "I think it's high time you got a sharp reminder about what it means to be part of this family. It comes with a whole lot of love and security and forgiveness. And a fair amount of guidance and discipline when that's needed . And that's the part you're gonna get to experience again tonight, son."
Fox bit down on his lower lip. "I-I remember, sir," he said, trying his damnedest to placate the other man. Somehow he'd miscalculated badly here but there must be some way to talk himself out of this. "I-I was dead!" he whined. "I mean, if a guy can't get some slack for that-"
Skinner chuckled. "I agree," he said amiably. He watched Mulder visibly relax and let out a relieved sigh. "The fact you're recently back from the dead is the reason we're not taking that long walk down to the woodshed and the Persuader, Fox. But I'll reconsider that decision if you don't get yourself in position. NOW!"
Mulder started at the AD's barked order and then he unconsciously turned toward the door, trying to will everyone upstairs to be sound asleep.
"I SAID NOW!"
"Shhhh!" Mulder blurted as he quick-stepped toward the AD. "I-I mean, I'm coming!" He dropped to his knees next to the other man and was quickly pulled over muscled thighs. In a matter of seconds, his sweat pants had been pulled down below his butt cheeks.
"Now, Fox," the AD said quietly but firmly. "Tell me what this spanking is for?" He punctuated the sentence with a sharp slap to the younger man's posterior.
"I-For mouthing off to you! OWW! I'm sorry! OUCHH!" Then he remembered where he was and reduced his words to an urgent whisper. "For-for being OHHH! OWW! Being disrespectful! AHHH!"
Skinner nodded, then he smacked the upturned butt again. "And...?"
"And for not trying to get past this... OUCH! For being ... manipulative! OOOOH! UNHHH! OWW!"
Skinner whacked his bottom but good for that one. In a part of his heart, he'd suspected Fox was milking this situation. Not that he hadn't been through a lot but... Mulder had deep reserves of strength that had allowed him to deal with far more than most men could. It was good to get confirmation of the fact he'd been taking advantage of the circumstances a bit... *At least your instincts aren't completely shot when it comes to this kid, Walt! Or ... at least Dad's aren't....!*
"Never do that again, Fox," he said sternly, issuing a half dozen more smacks right on the "sit spot."
"I-I won't, Dad," Fox sobbed. "I pr-promise!"
Skinner stopped in mid-smack. His heart leapt at Fox's words. It was the first time since he'd been returned that Fox had called him that. And this time, there was not a hint of manipulation or premeditation in the choice. It was simply a confirmation that the young man hanging over his knee knew his place in the world. And in this family. Skinner pulled his sweat pants back up, then swept Mulder into a heartfelt embrace.
"It's all right now, son," he said quietly. "It's all right now. I-I'm just so damn glad to have you back...." His own eyes were filled with tears as he held the sobbing younger man. But his instincts were rewarded when Fox's arms tightened around his back, returning the hug fiercely.
"I'm sorry, Dad," he said, hiccuping as he spoke. "I-I'm glad to be back. I-I know I haven't done a very good job of showing it b-but... I feel at home here. With you. And your family. It feels like nothing's changed here...."
Skinner let Mulder sink back onto his own haunches, then he reached up and pushed a lock of sweaty hair off his forehead. "Fox, I can't promise you that nothing in life will ever change. That-that would be a lie. Things have changed. At the Bureau. Scully's pregnancy... But if the important things remain the same, we weather those changes. Good and bad. You have a great deal of inner strength, kid. You always have. Now, I hope you know where you can come when your own reserves feel tapped out. Or insufficient."
Mulder sighed and nodded. "I do," he whispered. "I guess I always did know."
Skinner knew from experience he needed to get the younger man in bed or he'd be asleep on his feet. Together they made up the pull-out bed and Fox climbed in. He moved over to the side, making room for Skinner to sit down on the edge of the bed. The AD smiled inwardly and complied with the silent request.
Mulder was silent for a minute, then he spoke so lowly Skinner had to work to hear him. "I-I'm trying to deal with the other things. Agent Doggett working on the X-Files. Kersh being promoted to DD," he scowled at that one. "Scully's baby... But-it's hard...."
Skinner nodded almost imperceptibly. He was still struck by the way Mulder referred to the baby as Scully's. It was almost as if he wouldn't let himself consider the possibilities about how she got pregnant. And Mulder was never one to discount possibilities. Still Skinner's own instincts told him this was not a case of miraculous conception.
"I know," Skinner answered quietly, hoping to impart some kernel of wisdom that would help. "Take it one step at a time. We're all here with you, Fox. And for you. You just have to learn to accept love when it comes your way. As well as responsibility. They go hand and hand, son. It can be frightening but...as my Dad says, they're the two things that hold us in place in the world. Trust me on this one."
He leaned down and brushed a quick kiss across the younger man's forehead. It was a gesture that came from the months of tucking a child named Fox into bed every night. Mulder smiled tiredly in response, then his eyes fluttered to a close. Skinner watched him sleep for another minute, then he rose, switched off the lamp and left, leaving the French doors ajar just in case the younger man woke and needed him during the night.
Several hours later, the house was dark and quiet. Everyone slept peacefully except for the smallest Skinner. Little Griffin had been put to sleep in the portable crib. Waking, he looked around the room momentarily. He reached for the yellow rabbit he generally slept with but it wasn't there. The two-year-old called out to the adults in the bed nearby. "Mommy. Daddy," he said. Andy rolled over and put an arm around Eileen and she snuggled into his embrace but neither of them came to consciousness.
Griffin sat there for another minute, then he determined he'd go look for the rabbit himself. He stood up and climbed out of the crib. It was something he'd never done before but there's a first time for everything and the sides of the portable crib were far lower than those of his regular bed at home. His feet reached the floor with a soft thud and he padded over to the door. It had an old fashioned handle instead of a knob and that made it easier to open. In a flash he was out in the hallway and headed down the stairs in his one-piece, footed pajamas. He wandered around the first floor looking for the rabbit until he found it where he'd left it in the family room, next to his grandfather's easy chair.
"Wabbit," he said, giving the yellow stuffed animal a hug. He yawned once, then decided to do a little bit more exploring. After wandering through the downstairs, he came to the half-open French doors that led to the sleeping porch and heard someone snoring lightly inside. He walked in and stood by the side of the pull out bed for a few moments.
"Daddy," he said.
Mulder's eyes popped open. "Wh-what? Griff? What are you doing here?"
"Daddy," the boy said, this time giving Mulder an angelic smile.
"No," Mulder protested instantly. "I'm not Daddy. I'm... I'm Uncle Fox."
"Daddy," Griffin insisted. Then he pushed the stuffed animal toward Mulder. "For Daddy. Wabbit."
The young FBI agent was startled for a moment. The rabbit had belonged to him when he was about Griffin's age. And he'd kept it long afterward, even after his return to adulthood. He stared at the little toy and smiled to himself. Then he was surprised again, when Griffin climbed into the bed and snuggled down beside him.
"Me sweep wif Daddy," the boy said, closing his eyes and sighing. He had one small arm tossed over the rabbit Mulder held and he laid his head on the man's chest.
"No, Griffin--" Mulder objected again but the boy cut him off.
"Wuv you," he whispered, his small hand patting Mulder's arm.
Mulder choked up despite the fact his head told him the child was confused. It was hard not to be touched by a loving gesture from a child. "I... I love you too, Griffin," he whispered, giving the boy a squeeze.
The boy smiled and began to drift off. "Daddy," he sighed as his eyes closed.
Mulder knew he should take the child upstairs and put him back into his own bed. But he reasoned that, if he waited a little longer, Griffin would be less likely to wake up, and less likely to wake anyone else up, so he laid his own head down and closed his eyes for a few minutes to wait for the boy to sink into a deep sleep. And in that time, Mulder fell into a deep, peaceful sleep that lasted well past dawn.
The Skinner men were crack of dawn risers and at just past 6 o'clock, Walter Jr. joined his Dad for a cup of coffee in the kitchen. He'd woken up only a few minutes before but he knew without checking that his father would have the coffee pot fired up. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, then Andy came barreling into the kitchen.
"Do you guys have Griffin?" he asked anxiously.
"Griffin! No, he was asleep in your room," Mr. Skinner exclaimed.
"Well, he's gone now. I didn't want to wake Eileen. I was hoping one of you had brought him downstairs-"
"Don't panic, Andy," the AD said quickly. "Did you look around upstairs?"
"Yes, I checked all the bedrooms," his younger brother responded. "And the bathrooms-"
"Well, he couldn't get out of the house," Skinner replied. "The outside doors were all locked. I checked myself before I turned in last night. Let's look around down here."
The three men began a room to room search that ended when Walter Sr. looked into the sleeping porch. He smiled, then gestured for Walter Jr. and Andy to come over.
There, in the thin light of daybreak lay Fox and Griffin, the little boy snuggled under the FBI agent's arm. The yellow rabbit was securely held between the two, one of Griffin's arms and Mulder's hand holding it in place.
"Well, that's a sight," Andy chuckled. "I would never have dreamed that's where Griffin would end up...."
Mr. Skinner backed the three of them out of the room, then closed the doors behind them. "Maybe it's a good sign," he said, giving his oldest son a wink. "Perhaps that 'discussion' you and Fox had last night worked. Finally."
Skinner smiled to himself as he followed his Dad and Andy back into the kitchen. He'd hoped no one in the house overheard but... truth be told, it was unlikely his Dad would not pick up on the signs and sounds of a spanking being delivered in the house. And in this case, he hoped and prayed his father was right. Maybe this last 'discussion' had finally gotten through to Mulder.
The next day
McLean, Virginia
5:45 p.m.
Skinner opened the door from the garage and walked into the kitchen. It had been another long and frustrating day. He had a briefcase full of reports to review and he placed it on the countertop, as he loosened his tie and replayed the details of yet another unsatisfying meeting with AD Kersh. Skinner had always loved his job, loved the FBI, even at his darkest moments. But Kersh... if he had to keep dealing with that guy, he'd have to think about what his next career might be.
Trying to put it out of his mind, Skinner reached into the refrigerator for a beer but was startled to hear someone upstairs. It was too early for Fox to be home.
Instinctively, he checked that his weapon was in its holster and undid the safety, then he crept up the stairs. As he reached the landing, though, the mumbling and muttered curses coming from the attic told him it was Fox. Looking for something in the storage boxes up in their attic. Skinner walked lightly up the stairs to the third floor space.
"What are you looking for?" he asked, startling Mulder.
"Jeez!" the younger man said. "You really are out to scare me to death, aren't you?"
Skinner grinned. "What are you looking for?" he repeated. "Maybe I can help."
Mulder colored slightly. "I'm-I'm just looking for something.... Aha! Here it is," he replied triumphantly. He pulled an old rag doll out of a trunk they'd taken from Teena Mulder's house after her death.
Skinner's eyebrows rose in a silent question.
"I'm gonna give it to Scully," Mulder said by way of an explanation. "It's a family heirloom-I want her to have it. For the baby...."
Skinner smiled, trying not to betray how touched he was by the gesture. And what it really meant.
Mulder headed down the steps and the AD followed him down. Once in the kitchen, the younger man spoke again. "I'm going to stop by there tonight," he said. "Maybe take her out to dinner, if she's feeling up to it. And I thought I'd give her the doll. I've been thinking about it since yesterday... I was the only one who didn't have a gift at the baby shower."
Skinner nodded. Then he realized something Mulder was missing. "You're not gonna just hand her the doll, are you?"
"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"
The AD shook his head, not the least bit surprised. Fox was not an especially good gift-giver. And it was always the thought that counted with him. Somehow the packaging never seemed to matter to him.
He walked into the garage and began rooting around. In a minute he came back with a square box that had once contained a housegift and some gold wrapping paper and ribbon. "Presentation counts, Mulder," he said with a smile. Together they fixed the package up, then he handed it to Fox.
"Scully's gonna love this," he said. "It's a wonderful idea."
Mulder turned a light pink and stared at his shoes. "I-It's the least I could do," he said. "I-I haven't exactly been the most supportive-"
"It's what you do from now on that counts," Skinner interjected. "Today, tomorrow. Relationships are about staying power, kid. That's a tough lesson to learn but... I think you've got it now."
Mulder smiled and headed for the door. "I know. I learned it from the best," he called back over his shoulder. "Don't wait up."
"I wasn't planning to," he called after the retreating figure. And then he grinned and picked up the phone. He had a day's worth of work to do tonight. But first... he had a call to make.
"Dad?" he said as soon as the call was answered. "I just called to say... you were right-"
The elder Skinner chuckled on the other end of the phone. "So... tell me something I don't know!"
THE END