Star Wars Bible.. The Old (new) Testiment 1
Thy Phan-toom Men-ace.
or Maul in a days Work...
or Qui Gon, Qui Goff.
The Second Book of Obi-Won, called Cor-oo-scant.
Chapter 1:
1 And thy small ship did land on thy planet of Cor-oo-scant. And was met by Pal-p-tine. And was slimey and nasty, but no one knew who he really was. And he bade them welcome to his planet, and made them tea and biscuits in his home, and allowed An-ar-kin to use his lavotory, as long as he not sprinkle on thy floor. And thy queen did talk to Pal-p-tine, and he did suggest a meeting to discuss it further, and they did.
1a And Kwi-Kworn and Obi-won did go to see thy Jed-eye council. And he did tell them that An-ar-kin was a powerful one with thy Force. And thy council did laugh in his face, and call him stupid. And Kwi-Kworn did tell them to shutest their mouths. And he did tell them that Obi-won was ready now, and they did laugh more. And Obi-won and Kwi-Kworn did walk out. And Yoda was there too.
2 And in thy council meeting, Pal-p-tine did suggest to Queen to suggest to thy senate a vote of no confidence in thy Chancellor. And she did, and it was passed. And Pal-p-tine did think That will serve the old fool right for sleeping with thy wife.
2b And thy Chancellor was miffed, as he wanted to be a little plastic figure also.
3 And thy senate did suggest unto Queenie that she return home, so she did. And she did ask Kwi-Kworn to come along. And Kwi-Kworn told Obi-won to come along. And Obi-won told An-ar-kin to come along, and An-ar-kin told Ar-too to come along, and Ar-too asked no one, especially not Ja-jar, as no one liked him, but he came anyway.
4 And they did arrive at Nab-boo, and thy trip was quicker this time.
5 And Ja-jar told them that they must all go to thy hidden city, and even An-ar-kin knew about thy hidden city.
6 Alas, it came to pass that thy hidden city was deserted, but Ja-jar told them, there was another hidden place they could go to. And thy Queen did lead thy way.
7 Narss was not happy to see them again, but he bucked up when thy queen was revealed not to be thy queen at all, but a decoy, and that the girl whom had claimed not to be thy queen, was thy queen. And whilst they all worked out what it all meant, Narss told them that thy main Nab-boo city was overthrown by Droids. And Obi-won had a plan. Narss and Ja-jar were to make a diversion to divert thy droids (and hopefully Ja-jar would be killed), whilst Obi-won and Kwi-Kworn and thy Queenie did attack thy palace. And An-ar-kin did ask what was to become of him, and Kwi-Kworn said to find somewhere to hide, and hide there.
8 And thy diversion worked well. And thy company sneaked into thy palace, un noticed. And thy pilot's there did decide to attack thy station what was controlling thy droids. And An-ar-kin went along too.
9 And a cloaked figure did emerge, and it was Morl. And he did have a magnificent Saba, with two ends. And he did attack Obi-won and Kwi-Kworn. And thy Queen, and thy Queen imposter did attack thy droids what were left, and did escape through a window.
10 And Kwi-Kworn did lunge at Morl. And Morl did block. And Obi-won did lunge at Morl, and Morl did block.
11 And Queen, who is really queen did confront thy delegates (remember them?) and did tell them off. And thy delegates did laugh in Queens face (they did not know it was really not the one was was not the queen). Then the queen imposter, whom they thought was the one whom was the queen, did arrive, and thy guards did chase after them. And they queen (thy real one) had them at her mercy.
12 And Kwi-Kworn did lunge once more at Morl. And Morl did block. And Obi-won did lunge again at Morl, and Morl did block
13 And Ja-jar was falling over, and tripping over things, and making a complete arse of himself. And thy droids did laugh.
14 And Kwi-Kworn once more did lunge at Morl. And Morl did block. And Obi-won did lunge at Morl, and Morl did block. And Morl grew tired of thy battle.
15 And thy real queen did reveal that she was thy real queen after all, and not thy false queen, whom they thought she wasn't, because they only knew one queen, which was not the real queen at all.
16 And Kwi-Kworn did lunge at Obi-won. And Obi-won did block. And Obi-won did lunge at Kwi-Kworn, and Kwi-Kworn did block. And Morl did laugh at their stupidity.
17 And Ja-jar was not concerned with who was real queen at all.
18 And Morl did run into a coridoor, and Kwi-Kworn did follow. And thy laser door did shut, and kept them seperate. And Obi-won did try to get through, but to no avail.
19 And An-ar-kin did fly his ship into thy station, and did blow it up, and did leave before he was destroyed.
20 And Thy door did open, and Kwi-Kworn did attack Morl, and Morl did block, and things were back as they should be.
21 And Ja-jar did see thy droids fall down, and collapse, and topple over. And he did thy same, for comedy effect.
22 And Morl did grow tired of thy defending, and did stab Kwi-Kworn in thy chest. And Obi-won did run through thy door, and did leap on Morl, and did fall down an hole. And Obi-won hung on thy peg, and Morl was not happy. And Obi-won did use thy force to pull Kwi-Kworn's saba to him, and did slice Morl in half, and he did fall, but he was happy, as he was still the most popular plastic figure.
23 And Obi-won mourned for Kwi-Kworn, and Kwi-Kworn said unto him with his dying breaths Obi-won, train thy boy, like I would. And do not forsake him. And change his nappy. And ensure he does not sleep with thy wrong queen. And take my library books back for me, else you will incure a fine.
24 And Obi-won did set fire to Kwi-Kworn's body, to shut him up. And Pal-p-tine did arrive, and he did declare that everyone whom appeared in thy movie will have plastic figures in his or her likeness, except Mrs. Sc-eye-walk-er, and thy delegates. And thy queen (thy real one this time, as thy real queen) did reward An-ar-kin and thy scene was reminisent of another.