I. Mighty Morph'n Power Rangers: A piss take. This is, of course, a piss take on "Mighty Morph'n Power Rangers" made by Saban productions. No copyright infringement is meant by this silly story, and any similarity between any man, woman, goldfish, power ranger, alien or robot, weather alive, snuffed it, or sitting on the bog is a rather large fluke indeed. And so, with no further ado, let's get on with the first story: The Power Rangers in Movie Land! {It starts!} Scene 1: The Angel Grove Gym and Juice Bar (Yeah! Right. Like you have a combined gym and juice bar, so you can have a drink whilst watching Tommy and Jason sweating! Great!) Anyway, Zack and Trini are sitting at the bar with a couple of drinks (one each, not a couple each!) whilst Tommy and Jason are teaching advanced ninjitsu to some old age pensioners. Tommy: That's great Mr. Jones. Now try it without the zimmer-frame. Zack: Isn't it great to see Tommy and Jason helping the elderly? Trini: Well you know, we should all help out, wherever we can. Zack: I hope you kids at home are paying attention to all these little tips, and not just waiting for MegaZord. Trini: Or me to strip off. [Billy walks in.] Billy: Many happy greetings, and kind regards to all present. Trini: Yeah, and hi to you too. Jason: No Mr. Watson-smythe. You need to get your leg up higher. There. No, try to hit Mrs. Johnson in the face. Good. Kimberly: Isn't that sweet. Trini: I didn't know you were here. Kimberly: What do you mean? Billy: What my esteemed yellow-cladded friend means is that the statement announcing your arrival, as not as present appeared in this novelette. Kimberly: What? Trini: The writer is slow. Zack: Well, what do you expect? It's Monday night and he's pissed out his head. [Kimberly enters.] Kimberly: Hi everyone! Trini: About time too. Tommy: Come on Mr. Smith, get down off there. Ernie: Hey Kim. How about a drink? Kimberly: But, I already have one. [Kimberly get's a drink] Billy: This story is getting me most perplexed. Trini: I think it would be easier if we started again. Tommy: Now try it without the zimmerframe. Scene 2: Rita's palace on the moon. (Yeah! As if! Like she doesn't even need an oxygen mask to breath in a place with no air! Please! Get real!) Rita: [Looking through her telescope] So, the power rangers are all confused. Make me a monster! [Cut back to the gym and juice bar. Everything is how it should be, with Zack, Trini and Kimberly all having a drink, Billy not having a drink because he is not thirsty, and Jason and Tommy now teaching bowel control to stick insects.] Tommy: That's good Rasputin. Hold it in. Kimberly: Mmmmmmmm! This drink is nice. [Jason's peepie thingy goes peep.] Jason's peepie thingy: Peep peep peep-peep peep peeeeeeeep. [Kim, Zack, Jason, Tommy, Billy and Trini all beam over to the command center. Alpha 5 is there.] Alpha: Aye aye aye aye ayyyyye! Jason: What's up Zordon? Zordon: Power Rangers, Rita has unleashed a new monster. Behold the viewing globe. [On the globe, they see a hideous monster.] Kim: Oh my God! Trini: How are we supposed to defeat it? Billy: Hmmm. I would say that is is of the Hmmmmaphnaghajanga species. Jason: What's a hmmmmmmaphnahrfgfgf...er....what is that then? Billy: It's a species that creates time warps and black holes and makes people clad in lycra fall through them. Alpha: Aye aye aye aye ayyyyye! Jason: It's Morphin Time! Tommy: Dragonzord Zack: Masterdon! Kim: Pterodactyl Billy: Triceratops Trini: Saba tooth tyga Jason: Tyrannozord [The rangers have now morphed (believe it or not) and leap into the park (despite the fact they were bloody miles away to begin with.)] Monster: Oh! The Power Rangers! Jason: [Waving his arms madly] Let's take him. Tommy: [Waving his arms also] I'm with you. [Tommy and Jason lunge at the monster, who spits out a load of gas. When the gas clears, Tommy and Jason are gone.] Kim: [Also waving her arms around] Where are they? Monster: [Not waving his arms around much] Ha ha ha! I've transported them to another place! Trini: [Waving her arms around] Oh no! Scene 3: Just after the adverts, and Mr. Motivator's silly bit about keeping fit. The location is a forest. Jason and Tommy suddenly appear. Tommy: [Still waving his arms around] Where are we? Jason: [Yep, you guessed it!] I don't know. Tommy: [Blah blah blah] What do we do now? Jason:[Yes he bloody well is waving his little arms around.] I think we should de-morph. Tommy: [Waving his arms around] Why? Jason: [Still waving his arms around.] Because the author is getting pissed with having to write [Still waving arms around] everytime we say something. Tommy: [Waving his arms around] It serves him right. Jason: [Waving his arms around] Well, I'm de-morphing. [Jason returns to normal.] Tommy: [Waving his arms around.] Well, I'm not. [Jason turns and hit's Tommy. Scene cuts back to the other Rangers in the park.] Monster: Ha ha ha ha! [The monster spits more gas out, and the rangers run for cover. The gas settles, and the rangers are gone. Cut to a bedroom. Kim is lying on top of the bed.] Kim: Oh oh oh! Groan Groan groan! [The door opens and Trini walks in.] Trini: Oh no! [Kim suddenly stops rolling around on the bed (did I mention she was?).] Kim: This little shit's mine now! Trini: Oh no! She's been possessed! [Cut to a mud track. It's rather muddy, with a few tire tracks in the path. Several puddles are around. Billy and Zack (de-morphed) appear.] Zack: Where are we? Billy: We would appear to be on a mud track. Zack: How do you know that? Billy: It says up there. Zack: Oh. [There is a very distant thud heard. We see one of the puddles shimmer.] Billy: Shhhhh! Zack: What? Distant thud: Thud (from the distance) Billy: Did you hear that? [The puddle shimmers again. It starts to rain. A childs voice is heard in the distance.] Child's voice: He left us! Man's voice: Ian! FREEZE! Billy: I believe I know where we are. Zack: Where? Thud: Thud Billy: I think it would be more productive to talk and run at the same time. [Scene cut's to Kimberly's room. Bulk is here, dressed as a priest.] Bulk: I want to talk to Satan. Kim: I am him. Bulk: Prove it. Kim: Errr.....Here's my driving license. Bulk: Yes, yes, yes, this seems to be in order. Mrs. Trini, your daughter is possessed. Bye! Trini: Can't you help her? Bulk: Fuck that! [Cut to the forest with Tommy and Jason. Tommy has now de-morphed, and has a broken nose. Jason has a black eye.] Tommy: Anyway, where are we? Jason: Listen! Do you here something? Tommy: What? Jason: Shhh! Listen. Silence: Tommy: I can't here anything. Jason: Good. I thought I was cracking up. [A rectangular object starts to appear by them. It shimmers, then grows whole. It's a blue telephone box. The door opens.] Voice from inside the box: Come along Ace, let's go. [Tommy and Jason wet their pants and run off.] Michael Caine: Zulu's! Fosands of em. Wait til you see the whites of their eyes! [That was a scheduled interruption. There will be more great Michael Caine quotes later. (Try to spot them) Anyway, we now go back to Zack and Billy (See if you can guess where they are!)] Zack: I think we're safe now. I wonder where we are. Billy; We appear to be underneath a large gateway, over which a large sign says "Jurassic Park". (Please note: Jurassic Park is TradeMark of Universal Studios and Amblin Entertainment Inc, and was used without kind permission.) Zack: Shh! Listen, there's a jeep coming. Billy: This must be the jeep with Dennis Nedry in, whose trying to get to the boat before it leaves, so he can deliver the embroy's and get his money (This is a quick note for anyone who has not seen the film. I've just spoilt it for you!) Zack: Hey, if we get aboard we can get to safety. Billy: But don't forget what happens to Dennis in the film. Zack: Shhh! Don't spoil it by telling them that he dies. Billy: Ok. [Cut to Jason and Tommy. They have stopped by a large tree.] Tommy: Shh! Do you hear something? Noise: Something something something. Jason: I defiantly hear a noise, and it's saying something. Tommy: Now, was that a bad joke, or was that a bad joke? Noise: something something extersomething. Jason: It's getting closer. Dalek: Exterminate! Exterminate! Jason: It's Morphin Time! Tommy: DragonZord Jason: ThingyagainZord. Tommy: [Waving his hands around] Let's get him! Dalek: Erk! Jason: [Waving his hands around] That was a good shot. [Cut to Kim again, cause she's nice. Freeze frame on her. Now, go back to Zack and Billy. They are in the jeep with Dennis] Zack: BRAKE NOW! Dennis: What? Billy: Hit the brake! [The jeep stops just before the sign, thereby not knocking it over.] Zack: We changed the film! Dinosaur: ROAR! Zack and Billy: Aggghhhhh! Tommy: Let's go. Jason; Look, now that we've de-morphed, I can see a hole. Tommy: Let's go then! Trini: KIM! Put that crucifix down! Kim: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Jason: Stop it! It's not real! I thought we were being attacked by Dalek's, but it's not real! None of it's real! Kim: My word, i feel much better now. Tommy: Come on, we've got to find Zack and Billy. Dinosaur: Roar roar Dennis: AGGHHHHHHH! Zack: Billy! Billy: Zack! Tommy: Kim! Kim: Trini! Jason: Jason! Trini: Great, no one left! Jason: It's not real! We've beaten you again Rita! Rita: Bah! Humbug! [Reality crashes down, leaving the Power Rangers morphed, in the park, with the monster dead.] Scene 97: The bit that doesn't fit. They are all back at the Gym and Juice bar. Jason: So, once we worked out that it wasn't real, I knew it wasn't real. Tommy: It just goes to show you. Reality is never real. Kim: Is that the moral? Trini: How stupid. Billy: I do believe the moral is actually "People in stone houses, shouldn't have tupperware parties." All: Oh. Alpha: Aye aye aye aye ayyyye! Jason: Just as well there wasn't any real enemies. Dalek: Exterminate! Alpha: Daddy! The End! First Published in 1996 (c) 1996 Captain Stable Captain_stable@Hotmail.com