Not denying the fact that the Terrans are hard at work to improve their weapons so that they might somehow gain an advantage over us, the Empress has deemed me worthy to update everyone on the new technologies they have developed since the beginning of the war.
At the foremost of their technology is the pencil-sharpner. Every ship is equipped with one, and they are indispensable to the Confederation. It is also believed that they use the mechanical wonder to actually produce points on their writing utensils. Whatever its function, beware of its virtually unlimited ways of use. Next comes the amazing tweezer. Where the idea for this device sprang up, nobody knows, but the person has unquestionably stolen the Nobel Prize from under Einstein's nose for it. Unfortunately, our scientists have spent the last three months attempting to copy the design, to no avail. All prisoners of war are to be on their guard, as there is no question as to its employ: a torture device. Another known torture device is the material our scientists have dubbed the "HapHaz13-E", which is "velcro" in the Terran language. Objects mysteriously adhere to it for no apparent reason. Strangely, it emits no magnetic field nor other forms of electricity. Further looks into the material has proved that no other compounds other than simple vinyl has been utilized. We are dumbfounded by the properties of this "velcro". If anyone chance upon it, avoid contact with it, as it may be radioactive. We do not know its half-life.
Thank the Empress that only these three super-weapons have been discovered. Any more and we would have been overwhelmed.
- Ribo Zomes, Imperial Weapons Specialist
A short twenty-four hours after the publication of this report, Ribo Zomes was excuted by the direct orders of the Empress Organa Solo for "unethical conduct, unwarranted revealation of military projects, and unnatural stupidity". Long live the Empress.
~Vader224~