Nabu's Helm #1 Nuclear Winter Wonderland

Prologue: You killed J-Street! You googers!
Voices in the Helm: Typo Lad and Nope

Spaceman Spiff rocketed through the starry void; behind him, five Zorgotian attack ships fired beams of broiling energy at his tail. Our hero valiantly dogged the H.E,A.T. rays, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could pull it off. Yes, things looked grim for our hero. Could this be the end of Spaceman Spiff?

But wait! Suddenly, our hero's hand reaches on his console towards a really big red button. It's marked Are you INSANE? Don't even THINK of pressing this!

Spiff, being completely fearless, pressed the button.

Before his ship formed a giant hologram. Yes, it was Spiff's secret weapon, the dreaded M.O.M.

It turned to the Zorgotians. "Just what do you think you're doing young Sentient? Did I raise you to go gallivanting around the galaxy shooting at people, what will the neighbors think? And another thing..."

The Zorgotians fled for their lives.

His life saved, Spiff set his rocket for his home.

On J-Street.

*******************

Spiff landed on what should have been a major intersection. Yet all he saw around him was a desolate scene of charred ground and ruined houses. Dazed, he exited his ship, to stunned to notice a giant white hand waving above him and an energy wall beginning to form around the street.

He walked down the desolate landscape, his mind was occupied with one thought only. A fear welling deep in his breast. He was too caught up to notice the remains of some of the multi-verses greatest heroes lying at his feet. Too concerned with his own thoughts to notice the mutated life-forms walking around in the distance.

At last, Spiff came to his destination. It was a wreak of a house. It had once been white and resplendent. Now it was a pile of scorched rubble. It was once his home. Now, it was nothing.

Something in the rubble caught his eye. It was a piece of torn fabric. It had once been orange. It lay under a pile of rocks.

Spiff fell to his knees, tears streaming from his eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Spiff tore his mask off and sobbed uncontrollably into his hands.

**********

Hours later, his sorrow spent, Spiff looked up, a new emotion on his face. It was rage. Pure, unadulterated rage.

"Someone," He whispered hoarsely, "Someone....must.....pay for this"

Oh they will, they will.

Chapter 1: The Amputated Hand of God.
Voice in the Helm: Just Typo Lad and the voices in his head.

Richard, The Spectre, knelt before the Divine Throne.

I. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE WITH US RICHARD?

II. SPEAK, OH MOST LOYAL OF SERVANTS.

Master, I come again on the behalf of the Pantheon of J-Street.

I. OUR ANSWER IS STILL NO

But they need me.

I. J-STREET IS SEALED OFF FROM THE CONTINUUM.

II. WE SHALL NOT ALLOW THE POISONS THERE TO CONTAMINATE THE REST OF THE MULTIVERSE

III. THAT IS FINAL

IV. DO YOU UNDERSTAND US?

Richard stared at his Master.

He then did the unimaginable.

He walked out on God.

****************************************

Richard walked the void between dimensions.

I must obey my Lord. But at the same time, the souls of the dead cry out for vengeance. I cannot ignore their cries much longer.

It has been several years since the destruction of J-Street. The former Nexus of Reality is now severed from all other realities, shielded by a God-Wall. On the other side of the wall, heroes from multiple realities have been trying to break back in, not knowing that if they do so, they doom their own worlds to the same fate as The Street. The Divine had appointed Richard to be the guardian of the Nexus, preventing all access from the outside universe.

Preventing the souls of the dead from knowing vengeance.

They cry out so loud. And now, the remaining heroes will need me, as the chaos-bringer himself is about to return again to finish what he started.

I cannot ignore the cy of the dead.

Nor can I disobey my Lord.

I can't.

I must.

I won't.

I will

For what seemed like eons, The Spectre floated in the void, his eyes closed tightly as this internal struggle ragged on within his soul.

Finally, his eyes opened.

I know what it is that I must do

And with that thought, he headed for the God-Wall.

***********************************

The Presence, being all-knowing, knew exactly what it was Richard intended to do.

I. PERFECT

II. ALL PROCEEDS AS WE WILL IT TO

Chapter Two: What Is This Crap?
The Voice on the Other Line: Coming From Inside the House! (Doughnut and Typo Lad)

They all visited Weilandland on a regular basis, yet none of them really understood how. They would debate for hours on the time/space continuum, yet they had never wondered how they came to visit Weilandland, or how they left it. They never wondered how people from all around the world could enter this sort-of other dimension, or how they took on completely different forms when they did so. Ken never wondered how he gained super-speed and a bright costume whenever he crossed over, Steven never wondered how he became a time-lost teleporter that people for some reason always mistook for Parallax, and Kian Yew never wondered how he changed into a small blue man, or was that a man clad in blue and gold with a shield, or maybe a Canadian dressed in a red and white costume? They never wondered how they entered this "dimension" of Weilandland, or how they visited its numerous "pocket dimensions."

But they should have.

***********************

Many of the citizens of Weilandland often traveled to the "pocket dimension" called NEB, which they claimed was more vast than Weilandland itself, with one area known as J-Street. The citizens who visited Weilandland often told the others of J-Street and all of the exciting things that happened there, but the other citizens just wouldn't go visit.

Then, one day, all of the citizens who visited J-Street vanished.

Jam8 was the first to notice. "Hey, has anyone seen Yoda around? I left a question for him in the Misc. 'area'."

"No. Come to think of it, I haven't seen a lot of the regulars around here lately," said Babs, who was making Rice Krispy Treats with colored marshmallows, strange taste be damned!

"How about the rest of you?"

Bored looked up, sleepily, and said, "Nope," then went back to doing what he does best.

All of the sudden, light flashed, and in walked G'nort and doughnut. "All right, what have you guys done to drive everybody away?" asked Babs in a rather stern tone.

G'nort and doughnut just looked at each other dumbfounded (not a hard thing for either of them to do).

Discussions were had and it was decided that they must be in the NEB "area." So, the five (they roused up Bored) citizens ventured into the NEB "zone." There was no one around. The entire place was filled with an eerie silence, and G'nort's tail went quickly between his legs. They saw a sign over a roundish doorway marked "J-Street."

"Well, I guess they're not here, so let's go back, okay guys?" pleaded G'nort.

"I'm with G'nort on this one. I don't like this place at all. It's scarier than a police department," whispered a trembling doughnut.

Babs remained silent.

Bored looked at his watch, and decided he was bored at 10:00 PM.

Only Jam8 walked over to the doorway. He tried to open it, but discovered he couldn't. He motioned for the others to come help him. They all pushed on the doorway with all of their might, but nothing happened. They left the NEB area, never noticing the rather small sign next to the door handle which simply stated "pull."

Chapter Three: Run Baby, Run Baby, Run
Voices in the Helm -.

Impulse ran.

Faster than sound.

Faster than light.

Faster than the laws of physics should allow.

As he ran, he was thinking, his thoughts a stream of liquid metal.

They'redead.Alldead.Alldeadthey'reall.....

This was the thought he'd had since the blast. Since he started running.

He hasn't stopped since.

**********

It had been a quiet day in the shop. Nothing special going on, no cosmic crisis for the J-Street Task Force to take part in.

As you can well imagine, Impulse was bored out of his mind.

He'd already organized the shop five times, painted the exterior, gone to China for some Chinese food, and watched his entire collection of taped episodes of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

He was considering trying to find just what alternate Earth the show took place on when the door smashed open at super speed, glass flying everywhere.

Impulse transformed to his speed elemental form and was across the counter before you could say "Shazam!"

There in the doorway, his Flash cowl torn and ragged, barely able to stand, was Buried Alien.

"Grandpa Buried! What happened?"

Buried looked Impulse in the eyes.

"Bart...do you trust me?"

Bart just stared into his mentor's eyes. There in those eyes, was a look he'd never seen there before.

A look

Of

Fear.

"Bart," Repeated the scarlet speedster "do you trust me?

Bart shook off his shock. "O-of course I do. Why?"

"Then run. Run like you've never run before. Run as though Satan himself were after you. And whatever you do, whatever you hear or see...

"Don't look back"

"Bu-"

"GO!"

Impulse ran.

***************

True to his word, Impulse didn't turn around. Not even when he heard the blast or felt the ground shudder beneath his feet. Not even when he felt something in the Speed Force he hadn't felt before. Yet he knew what it meant.

A new speedster had joined the Force.

Buried Alien.

If you'd been standing behind Bart just then, you'd have thought it was raining sideways.

*************

He'd no idea how long he had been running. Sometimes it felt like days, other times like years. He hadn't stopped once. Not even when he came over where J-Street should have been after circling the globe for what felt like the hundredth time.

Nothing was there.

Had he stopped, he might have noticed the corpse with a strange melted lump of gold metal on it's ring finger, a red piece of scorched fabric embedded in it.

****************

And then, one day...

He stopped.

He just stopped and stared at what stood before him.

Or rather...

Who.

Chapter 4: God, Sometimes You Don't Come Through
The Voice in the Helm: Typo Lad had a Doughnut.

The Mighty Hank! looked down from Olympus.

"Ho! Brother Hank! I hear thou art thinking of leaving us!"

Hank turned around to see his closest friend on Olympus, Herakles.

He sighed. "Aye my brother, though this visit was most lovely, I must return to mine home upon Midgard. I hath...unfinished business".

"Verily, the work of vengeance is never done. But a'fore you go, my most holy father wouldst have words with thee."

Hank went into the throne room. Before him sat the rulers of the gods themselves, Zeus and Hera. Off to the side stood Pallas Athena.

Zeus looked at young Hank. Not so young now.... he's grown to a fine figure of a god. Done his parents proud

"Hank, thou dost know that there shalt always be a place for thee and thine upon Holy Olympus?"

Hank looked up at the lord of gods. "Aye Father Zeus. But 'tis not godly to run from a fight. I cannot rest now that I know the one we thought traitor to the my fellows was but a pawn of a greater power. I will rest not until I hath scourged his evil from my beloved Street and restored it to a place where one can raise their children."

"Well said, Hank! You know, there were times I wish our Heckles - yes Hera our, you promised to stop fighting - was more like thee."

"Thou hast a fine figure of a son, thou should be most proud. I only wish my parents would be as proud of me."

At that, he turned to look at Athena, who merely turned her face away.

You could have cut the tension in the air with a thunderbolt.

Zeus shifted nervously in his throne "Aye, well, not e'en a god may have all that he dost wish for, eh? As I wish I could help thee in thy quest. But mine pact with the other All Fathers hath sworn me to non interference in the matters of Earthly war. Which reminds me, Odin says hello. Let me give to thee his and my gift."

Zeus reached behind his celestial seat and pulled out a box. He handed it to Hank, who took it with a puzzled look on his face.

"Open it."

Hank opened the box warily, expecting mayhapse something to jump out at him, like the last present he'd gotten from Asgard. Of course, that was from Loki...

He looked almost as shocked.

"Well," asked Odin "dost thou like it?"

Hank held aloft a sword engraved with runes in the very language the Creator had used to shape the word. Engraved upon its hilt were the words "Though hast reaped the wind".

Hank took a practice slice with it. Thunder boomed in its wake and lightening trailed after it.

Hank looked up at Zeus. He then fell to one knee. "I...what cans't I say? I cannot accept this."

"Oh get up Hank! We were going to give this to thee upon the birth of thy first son, but thought thee could use it more now."

Hank strapped the sword to his waste. "I shall wear it with pride."

"Good. Now off with thee."

**********************

Hank went to the edge of Olympus and prepared to jump back to the mortal realm.

"Hank! Wait!"

He turned to see Athena running towards him.

She stopped by him. "I would like to wish thee luck."

"Thou just has," replied the thunder god stiffly.

"So cold to me......why? What hath I done to thee?"

Hank looked at Athena. "How is it the goddess of wisdom does not know my every thought? You may be my mother, yet will not tell me. E'en if thou are not, you woulds't not tell me, nor will you reveal to me who mine parents would be. Family weighs heavily upon my mind as of late."

His look was one of beseechment.

"I...I am sorry. I can tell thee nothing."

Hank turned to leave.

"So," asked Athena "You return to thy beloved Street of J now?"

"Soon, I hath one stop to make on the way. I must collect an old friend."

Hank leapt off of Olympus, descending to the mortal plain.

"Good..luck ," whispered the goddess of wisdom.

**************

Hank continued to fall. Beneath him he saw a blur moving in a southeastern direction.

Ah my young comrade, how long hast thou been running? Methinks it is time for thee to cease fleeing from thy past, and begin chasing thy destiny again.

Hank angled his decent so he would land where the blur would be in a scant few minutes.

He landed and pulled his new StormSword, pointing it in the direction the blur was coming from.

"I doth bid thee..............STOP!"

Impulse, the speed elemental, stopped dead in his tracks, his head less than an inch from being impaled upon a sword composed of the elements of the storm itself.

He just stopped and stared.

He spoke, the first words he'd said since he began his retreat. The words took a while to come out.

"A-a-alive? You're...you're alive?"

"Aye," said Hank "And it be time for us to avenge those who hath died so we may live."

Impulse paused and nodded his head in assent.

And then fainted dead away.

Chapter 5: What, More Of This Crap?
The Voice in Your Head: Do Whatever it Says!(By 'nut)

Jam8 paced back and forth while the others just stood around looking like a dog, a breakfast pastry, a woman in a wheelchair, and a rather bored-looking individual. Finally, Jam8 stopped and said, "doughnut! How can we get to J-Street besides through that door?"

doughnut thought.

...and thought

...then took a nap, ate some dinner, and went to the bathroom

...then thought again

"I've got it!" he exclaimed!

The others woke up at the sudden screaming, having fallen asleep hours ago.

"There is no J-Street in my hometown, but I have heard a song called 'K Street' by band called the Fastbacks, who come from Seattle, and they wrote the song about the K Street in Seattle, which makes it the most famous K Street around, and therefore the most important, and since there's a K Street in Seattle there must be a J Street, which being so close to the most important K Street in the world, must have a portal on it somewhere to the 'J-Street' that our friends have been trapped in!" exclaimed the overjoyed doughnut!

The others looked at doughnut like he was the dumbest person on earth, or at least in Weilandland.

But, since they had no ideas of their own they decided to make a journey to Seattle to find their lost friends.

And so, they all left Weilandland through Babs's entryway to prepare for a road trip.

They needed a vehicle to carry them.

G'nort said, "Let me handle that," and picked up the phone.

"Hey, Kent? This is Nick Pappagiorgio, and I need a big vehicle that gets good gas mileage to take a little trip in."

"Yes, I want it compliments of the casino."

"Uh-huh. Thanks. And you tell that boss of yours Nick says 'thanks'."

G'nort hung up the phone and smiled.

"I don't even want to know," said Babs.

"What, you never seen Vegas Vacation?" G'nort asked as he smiled.

A few hours later, a 1998 Ford Expedition showed up with 8 bottles of champagne, and some pink fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror.

"All right! Let's get this show on the road!"

Two hours into the trip, Babs asked, "So, anyone know much about Seattle?"

Surprisingly, Bored perked up at the sound of this question and said, "Let's face it, life's not worth it. Sure, we're all having a great time of it, yucking it up at the local five-and-dime now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Chances are nothing worth sticking around for. Hell, your wife is probably out right now having sex with a farm animal. See what I mean?

I've got three words for you--"su" "i" "cide." (Or syllables, whatever. When you're dead nothing matters anymore.) And what better place to do the deed than in the rainiest, most depressing city in the world--SEATTLE, Washington. Also home of the 1996 Western conference basketball champions, the SEATTLE SUPERSONICS!!! With Shawn Kemp! And Gary Payton! And the rest of the gang!

So before you hook up that tube to your exhaust pipe, drive your car to the Key Arena and check out forty-eight minutes of some of the jamminest most crazy b-ballin' hoop shootin' slam dunkin' daddy-o's west of the Mississippi. Tickets range from $30 to $85. And the great thing about the Key Arena is...no seats are bad seats!!! Let's face it, you can take your life anytime, but how often do you get the chance to experience the SuperSonics battling some of the greatest teams in the world?

Like the Sonics vs. the Bulls! With Michael Jordan!! And Scottie Pippen!! Or, the Sonics vs. the Utah Jazz!! With Karl Malone! And John Stockton!!

Or, the Sonics vs. the Los Angeles Lakers!! With Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!! And Jerry West!!!! Imagine the excitement of watching the Seattle SuperSonics playing against the New York Knicks!! With Patrick Ewing!! And coach Jeff Van Gundy!!!

So, before you dive headfirst off the Space Needle, you should grab a Seattle Times and check the sports section for what kind of b-ball action is goin' down that night. Who knows? The Harlem Globetrotters may even be in town, and they're always a lot of fun!! With Curly!! And Happy Jackson!!! And Mr. Dribbles!!! And Mark!! And everybody's favorite... Downtown Bouncy Willis!!!! But don't be fooled, sometimes the bucket of water that they throw on you is really just little cut-up pieces of paper!!

So, you see, Seattle isn't just for suicide. It's for basketball, and good times. And there's also supposed to be a really neat fish market there somewhere. Check it out!"

They all sat stunned, staring at Bored, except for doughnut, who was laughing his head off.

"What?" Bored asked, "I didn't come with that, I just read it in a travel guide one time."

"And you memorized it?" asked Babs.

"Well, yeah. I was bored."

"Bwahahahahahahahahaha!" laughed doughnut.

"You WOULD be the only one to find that funny doughnut. It sounds like some of that weird crap that you're always writing," said Jam sternly.

doughnut continued to laugh all of the way to Seattle.

Chapter 6: Descent Into an Atomic Hades.
Voice in the Helm: AKM and Typo Lad.

Impulse felt as though he were floating in mid air.

He opened his eyes to see the face of the Mighty Hank! grinning back at him.

"It wasn't a dream! You are alive!"

"Aye, that I am."

Impulse paused for a moment and looked down.

He then looked ahead.

"Umm...is there a reason we're flying at a great speed towards the general vicinity of a big white wall that looks like it's composed entirely of anti-matter?"

"Aye, tis our mission to breach yon' God-Wall and return to the nexus dubbed J-Street."

"I....see. And we re going to do that how exactly? That wall's impenetrable. Nothing can get in. I've tried."

Hank landed.

"Impenetrable to mortals thou dost mean. Why think you it be called a 'God-Wall' ? And when dids't thou start being such an asker of questions?"

Impulse brushed himself off. "You have a lot of time to think when you're running for....goog. How long have I been running for?"

"Long enough to grow to a strapping figure of a man," said Hank, holding up the blade his sword to act as a mirror. "Verily, 'tis a nice beard, by the way."

Impulse stared at his grown-up face. His haggard hair, his beard, he looked around 20.

"Almost ten years? Running? They've been.... dead... ...ten years now?"

"Verily. Though not all of them are dead. Some did survive. Others, like me and thyself, were off of the Street at the time and became trapped without. I was gone for a short while, but time dost run differently here. I returned to....well, though shalt see."

"What happened? What killed them? Who killed them?"

"I was not there, but I know one who can tell thee. But let me tell you what I do know. A traitor most foul was implanted within the Pantheon by a villain of evil unthinkable. This traitor engaged the heroic Pantheon in battle to distract them whilst his evil master did set off a device that harnessed the power of the atom itself."

"An atom bomb?!?" Yelped Impulse, "I knew it! I knew that googer Grendel couldn't be trusted!"

Hank withdrew his StormSword and pointed it at Impulse.

"I say thee nay! friend Joseph died most heroically defending others! I will hear no ill of him, not e'en from you!"

The speedster swallowed. Hard.

"Okay then, if not Joe, then who was it?"

Hank took the sword and pointed it towards the God Wall. It began to hum.

"It is best you hear it not from me, but from the mouth of one who was there that dark day."

As he spoke, lightning shot from the blade, striking the wall. It began to glow and a doorway appeared before them.

Hank sheathed his blade. "Now......come."

He opened the door. Inside was an airlock-like device, made of a granite like substance called Uru.

They opened the inner door and were bathed in a green glow.

Impulse squinted at the cloaked figure before them.

"Jason........?"

Chapter 7: In Memory Yet Green
Voices in the Helm: Typo Lad, Johnny DC and Nope

Impulse squinted at the cloaked figure before them.

"Jason........?"

"No," said the emerald-cloaked figure, "Not Jason."

With those words, the mysterious silhouette lifted a hand to it's face, throwing back the hood to reveal none other than....

"Gail????"

"Aye," said The Mighty Hank "Gail, the last Green Lantern."

Bart watched as Gail's hand went back to her side. That's when he noticed something next to Jason's.... her GL ring. It looked for all the world like...

A wedding band?

As Impulse tried to figure out what he missed, Hank went over to Gail and caught her in an embrace.

"So," asked Gail, "Is that a broadsword I see on your belt, hubby, or are you just happy to see us?"

Hank, who despite now being a full-fledged god 'moung men, was still for all extent and purposes, well....HANK, just blushed.

At about the same moment, Impulse noticed one other minute detail.

Gail's very pregnant belly.

Oh, admit it, you would have fainted too.

Gail looked from her husband's godly embrace at the fallen speedster. "Should he be fainting like that?"

Hank shrugged his might shoulders. "I knowest not. Mortals are confusing."

**************

"You told me it wasn't Grendel." Bart had come to a short while earlier, and the three were once more face to face.

"Verily," agreed Hank.

"Then who did?" demanded Impulse, almost vibrating with tension. "Who killed them? Whodidit? Wh--"

Gail sighed and raised her hand. "Better than telling you what we know, Impulse..."

An emerald beam struck him between the eyes.

"...I can show you."

*************

Gail's voice faded away. Impulse found himself standing in the doorway of Joe Grendel's Frog Pond Bar and Grill.

It was just as he remembered it. There were Daisy and the Human Lava Lamp serving drinks. OzBat was shouting something from the back room where the monitors were, but as usual no one was paying attention. Joe was behind the bar. Sitting at the bar were Amazon, Hatman, hellgirl, Johnny DC and.......

"Grandpa!"

Impulse dove for Buried Alien...

...only to pass right through him.

As he hit the floor, he noticed what was "off" about the bar. Everything was green.

I'm sorry, I should have warned you. We're in my memories. The bar, almost everyone you see here, just illusions conjured by the ring. As powerful as it is, it can't bring back the dead. I know. Jason and I both tried.

"So I'm Norman McCay here, is that it? I can live with that. So, show me what happened."

Watch and learn.

**************

In the corner sat Gail, Jason, and Wet Willie playing cards. Willie wasn't to happy.

"Aww, wassa matter," teased Jason "The aquatic hero's no good at 'go fish'?"

"I'll 'go fish' you upside your head you pretentious little googer" muttered Willie.

Impulse turned his attention back to the bar. Hatman and Buried were having an animated (as in they weren't dead) conversation about what the Pantheon had accomplished. Joe kept looking over at Amy with the oddest look in his eye. Amy just kept drinking her mineral water and paying no attention to him. hellgirl was looking at both of them in disgust. Johnny DC looked distracted. He kept jerking his head back and forth, as though he were looking for someone, or something.

Then, without warning, the light left his eyes and an evil grin spread across his face. Impulse looked at his friend in horror.

Oh god....not you! Not Johnny?

Yes. Him. Watch.

Impulse watched.

**************

Johnny turned to Grendel. "Hey Sparky!"

Joe slowly put down he glass he was filling. "What'd you just call me?"

"You heard me Sparky. Say, I've always wanted to ask. Those shirts of yours. Are you color blind or do you just have no taste?"

Joe glared at Johnny and turned away from him.

Hatman gaped at Johnny and put one arm on his shoulder. "Johnny, what are you drinking? I think you should apologize."

Johnny sneered.

"I don't have to apologize on anyone's say so to anyone. Lest of all you, you Hatman wanna-be. Your grandfather must be rolling in his freaking grave."

Hatman just stared at Johnny, a look on his face as though someone had run over Chappie with a steam roller.

By this point everyone in the bar had stopped what they were doing at were staring at the bar. Willie was half out of his seat, an odd look on his face.

Johnny turned to the other patrons.

"What are you losers looking at? You don't have anything better to do? Oh right. I forgot..."

The malicious grin spread even wider. "...You don't.

"You all make me sick. Some heroes. You spend all your time in this googing bar instead of actually doing anything! How flarking pathetic!"

Hatman tried to speak, but could find no words. Indeed, almost no one in the bar could find their tongues. It was as though Johnny had stabbed them in the gut and twisted the knife.

Hellgirl, not being one for words, pulled her gun and shot him.

Johnny fell to the floor, blood spurting from his chest.

"I can't believe she did that!"

"I can't believe you did that!" screamed Amazon.

hg just stared at her. "He was insane. I did him a favor. He obviously wanted to die."

"And what in Hera's name gives you the right to decide that?"

hellgirl shoved her gun under Amazon's nose. "This does."

"This can't be happening."

Amazon just kept glaring at hellgirl defiantly.

"Try it [rhymes with witch], I dare you"

"Umm...ladies?"

"I think I might at that"

"Ladies?"

"Go ahead, make my day."

"Ladies!"

They both turned to look at Willie, the only person who hadn't been watching their little Mexican stand-off.

"The whole discussion is moot. Look at Johnny's body."

They looked.

On the floor, Johnny's skin had turned black. Bone protrusions were spiking out of his skin as his muscles stretched to Hulk-Like proportions, tearing through his clothing.

"Oh my god," exclaimed Jason. "He's turning into Doomsday!"

Johnny Doomsday got up.

"Not just any "Doomsday" heroes. Yours."

Buried stepped forward "Who are you and what have you done with the real Johnny DC?"

The monster laughed. "How quaint! You still don't get it! There never was a 'Johnny DC'! There was only me! And you fools let me in with open arms. And now, since you're all so fond of it, I'm going to blow you all to Kingdom Come!"

There, strapped to his forearm, was the detonation device for a bomb.

And then things got crazy........

Chapter 8: Buried Aliens and Exhumed Heroes.
Voice in the Helm: Typo Lad.

Impulse snapped out of his induced trance. He looked around and realized where he was.

He leapt up at Gail and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her like a man possessed.

"Bring me back! What happened next?!?Bring me back!!"

Gail shook her head. "I can't...after that its just chaotic images...I can't."

Impulse paid no head to her cries, "Damn it, you have to know you have-"

Impulse was stopped short by the feeling of a godly hand clasping down on his shoulder. The force was enough to knock him to his knees.

"Methinks that be enough, before I forget our friendship of old."

Impulse just sank further down.

"I'm sorry, it's just...to see them there, to see you two alive, after thinking you all dead...and then seeing them...it just blows my mind....I'm sorry"

"Verily, I dost understand. When I first came upon the devastation I was mad with grief. If it had not been for Gail and Jason..."

Impulse's head shot up. "Jason? But if Gail has the ring...then how?"

Gail finished doing a complicated scan on her stomach area with her ring. "Well, no damage done....and I think it best if you see Jason for yourself."

The trio walked away, not noticing they were being followed by a small roach on the floor.

**********

They stood before a pit of rubble. Sounds came from below. Gail and Hank exchanged a look that Impulse couldn't comprehend.

She made a ring bubble around them and they descended into the pit.

The roach followed.

*********

In the pit there stood a shambling wreck of a man. He was holding a shovel and digging through the wreckage.

Impulse looked back at Gail. She nodded. He walked up to the man.

"J-Jason?"

Jason Borelli, former last Green Lantern and now self-appointed caretaker of J-Street's dead turned around.

His eyes went wide. With a speed that seemed unlikely from a body as ravaged as his was in appearance, he caught Bart in a mad embrace.

"Impulse! I thought you were dead! We never found a trace! Let me look at you!"

He held Impulse at arm's length, as though afraid that if he let go the young speedster might disappear.

"You've grown up so! Buried would be so proud...well, I don't know about the beard..."

Impulse just stood staring (there's that annoying habit of his again!). Jason was virtually unrecognizable. Large amounts of his hair had fallen out. His face was caked in blood, dirt and sweat. He was wearing what appeared to be a funeral shroud.

"What happened to you?" asked Bart "Why does Gail have your ring? Why are you in this hole?"

"Let me explain...

*******

In the past....

I stood there staring at Johnny Doomsday. He had a deadman's trigger on his wrist and was willing to use it. We all assumed he just meant to blow up the bar, not the entire street. We never suspected he was that insane.

Our mistake.

It was crunch time for me. I'd always been considered a joke by the other members. No, don't try to convince me otherwise. I had the most powerful weapon in the universe and they still saw me as a pathetic joke of a man.

You know what? They were right.

Hatman was on top of the situation as usual. He started barking orders all over the place.

"Buried, Amy, garb his arms! Willie, Lamp, get the doors open! Jason, shield everyone who's not invulnerable!"

It was a nice try on Stephen's part. You'd have been proud of Buried. Amazon disappeared and he still managed to hold Johnny down for some time. Willie jumped over to help him after getting the doors open

But me? Johnny knew who he was dealing with.

"HAHAHAAHAHA! You think that puny Green Latrine can stop me? He can't even shield himself, forget the others!"

He was right.

The powerhouses were all thrown away. He grabbed Stephen and...

....and.......

....he snapped Hat's neck like a twig.

The whole room just stopped and stared.

"Oh look...I think I broke your leader. They just don't make them like they use to."

Hellgirl let out a scream and dove at him...

But not before he could press the button.

It was blinding. I felt the atomic force through the simple shield I had erected. I was bathed in white. I only had one thought:

Must... keep the shield.. up

I didn't have the will. I couldn't do it. The energy leaked through, striking the very people it was supposed to shield. And worse were the screams of those who hadn't been behind the shield.

Worse even than that, was the laughter of Johnny.

failed them. I failed them all.

I was a joke.

And he knew it.

*********

"He knew it," repeated Jason in a whisper.

Gail stood leaning on Hank, crying. Hank did his best to console his beloved, but if you looked really close, you might have seen a godly tear forming at the edge of his eye.

Jason sniffed for a moment. "So anyway, I had to leave the survivors. Every time I looked at them was just a reminder of all the lives I failed to save. Instead I dig their bodies from the rubble and see they get a proper burial. I enshrine what mementos we have left of them. It's the least I can do, seeing that their memory at least lives on.

"And besides, Gail is twenty times the GL I was."

Impulse looked at Jason.

"You can do more."

"What?"

"You can do more! Johnny wasn't working alone! Hank said so! The real killer is out there! You can avenge their memory!"

Jason turned to the Mighty Hank! god 'mung men.

"Is this...true...?"

Hank nodded.

Jason turned around. "In that case, let me get my things. We have work to do."

**********

And so our trio became a foursome.

Plus one small roach on the floor that seemed to be trying to catch up as though the fate of the world depended on it.

Chapter 9: Flight of the Amazons
Voice in the helm: Joe Grendel and Typo Lad.

A small bunker in the middle of the destroyed J-Street.

Inside it, Amazon dreams.

********

"I...love you"

Then he was gone.

Gone forever.

********

Amy awoke from the dream and held herself. The dream was nothing new. She'd had it every night since the destruction of J-Street.

Every night she saw his face.

Every night she heard his voice.

Every night he died.

This night she heard something else too. The sound of footsteps.

Her eyes narrowed as she reached for her weapons.

********

"Where are we going?" asked Impulse.

They'd been walking all day and had gotten nowhere. All the familiar landmarks were blasted beyond recognition. He had no idea where they were.

Jason turned back to him and smiled.

"Why, we're off to see the wizard of course."

Any further attempts at conversation were cut off by the arrow that was heading straight for Jason.

At speeds faster than the mind can comprehend, Bart plucked the arrow out of the air before even Hank could react to it. Bart looked at it.

A look of hope spread over his face.

"This is one of Sharpshooter's arrows.... he's alive?"

"No," came a voice

They turned to see Amazon above them on one of the piles of rubble. She was wearing a more militaristic version of her own costume. On her arm was a bandana that appeared to have been made from one of Joe's shirts. At her waist was Joe's gun. She was also aiming Sharpshooter's weapons at our heroes.

********

Jason scowled at her.

"Still using the weapons of the dead I see."

Amy sneered back at him in defiance.

"You should talk grave-robber! At least I see that their arms are used to commemorate them as warriors, rather than placing them on dusty shelves!"

Impulse fell back, out of earshot of the argument and turned to Gail.

"What's this all about?"

Gail sighed. "Jason and Amy have very different ideas on how to commemorate the honor of the fallen. Jason builds shrines to the heroes. Amy uses their weapons to protect the remaining survivors. Plus Jason's still mad at Amazon for disappearing in the middle of the battle."

Amazon's battle-honed senses picked up the hushed conversation. She turned from Jason to the others.

"I suppose....I do owe you an explanation."

"Yes," shouted Jason "You do at that!"

"Not you Grave-robber. I've nothing to say to you. But I owe it to Bart to tell him why I didn't help Buried. And besides, I think Gail might understand. Follow me."

With that, she waved them to follow her into her bunker.

********

In the past

Everything had gone mad. Johnny was really a traitor. I couldn't believe it.

Stephen knew what we had to do. He ordered me to assist Buried in pinning the monster. But I didn't listen to him. I saw something else.

Joe bolting for one of the back doors.

I'd...gotten some information from the future that had claimed he was only using the Pantheon as metahuman shields to protect himself from his enemies. His running confirmed it then in my mind. I decided he had to pay for using us.

I followed him.

I burst through the door. Before me was a scene that will remained etched in my mind forever.

The room was covered in mystic sygils and signs. Joe was sitting in the center of the room in a pentagram. He was summoning a demon.

And not just any demon at that.

"Dark Lord TT! By these signs and the soul that I sold to thee, I summon you!"

The Dark Lord materialized before him. It was one of the most horrid things I've ever seen. Try giving the bubonic plague a face and you might come close. Maybe.

It was staring straight at me.

Joe followed its line of sight to where I stood in the doorway.

His face contorted in agony.

"Go away Amy! I'm doing this to for you! Go away!"

"Doing what?"

Joe turned to the demon.

"Look TT, let's cut to the chase. You'd like nothing more than for me to die so you can have me as your plaything for eternity, you know it and I know it. Now with my healing factor and fighting skills, that could be millennium. So I want to give you an offer you can't refuse."

He turned to point at me.

"This bar is about to be destroyed by an atomic blast. I know I can survive it, but she'd die. I know I have no soul, but even this shadow life would be empty without her.

"Save her and take me instead."

I couldn't speak. All I could do was think that this was the same Joe Grendel who had manipulated me and my friends for over a year now, saying he loved me more than his own life.

The demon stared at Joe. It turned and looked me over. I felt like it was violating me with its very eyes.

It opened its mouth and said one word.

"Done."

Joe's whole body began to glow. His life-force started to be sucked out of him as his demonspark was being snuffed. He turned to me.

"I...love you."

Those were the last words out of his lips before he fell dead.

I took his body in my arms and cradled it.

"I love you too."

And then, the bomb went off.

********

The next thing I remember was waking up under a pile of rubble and fighting my way back to the light. Clutched in my hand was Joe's Tarterus .666.

I just sat in the light and cried for what seemed like days.

When I stopped finally, I noticed footprints leading away from the blast site.

Johnny's footprints.

********

Amy smiled.

"But I got that googer. I got him for Joe. Me and the others. We tracked him down and made him suffer for all the deaths he had caused. You should have heard his cries for mercy as the bullets dragged his soul to hell itself. As he melted away from reality into a blinking blue blob. As he lost control of his own mind. He paid."

Jason laughed.

"The debt's still owed babe."

Amy just ignored Jason (See? Not everything's changed!).

Hank turned to Amy.

"Jason speaks true. Thou has avenged thyself on the servant, but his master yet lives."

Amazon's eyes widened

"He wasn't alone?"

"Nay. And e'en now his dark lord doth plan to complete what he started."

Amy got up and walked into the next room.

Impulse turned to Jason.

"Where did she go?"

"I have no idea. I had no idea about any of that. I thought she'd simply ran out on us. Now I realize. She suffered as much, if not more than any of us.

"....Not that I'll admit that mind you."

Gail nodded her head in assent.

She wasn't the only one who lost the man she loved

She turned to look at Hank

Still, some of us have moved on to the future. Why does it seem Hank and I are the only two not living in the past? And I sometimes wonder about Hank.

Amazon walked back in. She was decked in full amazonian battle regalia.

"Let's go. We have work to do. I've summoned the others. We meet in one hour."

Hank smiled. "Verily, the Pantheon doth live anew!

"We hath merely two more stops to make afore we meet"

********

Somewhere under the table, a roach listened.

Chapter Ten: Dom-ineering Woman.
Voice in the Helm: Typo Lad and Paradox.

Jason, Hank, Gail, Amy, and Impulse continued upon their journey, each with a different goal.

Impulse was searching for answers to his questions.

Hank was searching for questions to his answers.

Redemption was Jason's quest.

Amazon was trying to prove herself worthy of the sacrifice that was made for her.

Gail? She was just trying to do what she'd always done. Live.

*******

They walked, each obsessed with their own thoughts. They almost didn't notice the ruins of the Minutemen headquarters until they were right on top of them.

Jason walked over to a fallen cross-beam.

"Watch this," he said as he reached forward. When his hand passed over to the beam, the air around it began to shimmer and glow.

All the hero's eyes started as a gigantic crystal tower appeared before them.

Jason turned to the others with a self- satisfied grin on his face. He went over to open the door.

"Please," he said to Amazon "Warrior maidens first."

Amy glared at Jason so hard one would think she was trying to use heat vision on him, and walked through.

*******

It was amazing. The walls were draped in elaborate tapestries. Portraits of the fallen heroes hung on the walls. It was as opulent inside the tower as it was desolate outside.

The travelers couldn't stop gawking. It wasn't until they heard a familiar voice that they came out of their awe -inspire stupor.

"What do you want with this one?"

Impulse turned to see where the voice was coming from. It seemed to be emanating from the very walls themselves. Jason clutched at Bart's arm and drew his attention to the center of the floor. There was a small platform raising there. After the motion ceased, a figure began to materialize.

It was Dom, once leader of the Minutemen, and now their sole survivor.

"Well? What do you want?"

*******

Outside the Crystal Tower...

A shadow fell over the doorway.

At last, a chance to get in!

A hulking form walked into the entrance. On it's way, it squashed a small roach on the floor it had failed to notice.

"Oh bugger." said the roach, and promptly died.

*******

Dom glared at her intruders.

Hank stepped forward,

"We come to beseech thee to join us on our quest."

Amazon turned to Gail, "We do?" she whispered.

Gail just gave Amazon a disapproving look.

Dom looked at the delegation of survivors for a moment.

Then she started to laugh.

Impulse was sick of this.

"What the goog is so funny? Look how powerful you are! You built this whole building! You teleportated in without working a sweat! You're a goddess, you should be helping the survivors, not literary cutting yourself off in a crystal tower!"

"Aye, " said Hank "Well said."

Dom stopped laughing.

"This building we're in now?"

She waved her hand.

The tower vanished. They found themselves stranding in a cavern beneath the remains of the Minutemen base. In place of her thrown, Dom was seated on a large slab. Where before she had on silken robes, she was now wearing a tattered kimono.

"All illusion, I'm afraid. A goddess must keep up appearances, no?"

Besides, you don't want me. I'm cursed. First the Minutemen Earth, now J-Street. Destruction follows me wherever I go."

Jason shook his head.

"Come on, let's just go."

Hank tried to protest, but Gail nodded in agreement and he followed her lead.

Impulse took one look back as though he wished to say something, but thought better of it and rejoined his fellows.

And the goddess Dom-chan was once alone once more.

She'd grown accustomed to it.

*******

"I dost not understand," said Hank, as they began walking towards the entrance to the caverns, "why did we not argue with her? Her powers would have been an asset."

"Hank," sighed Gail, "Have you ever had an argument with Dom? Even in the old days she was impossible. Now she's so full of self pity that it's just not worth the effort. She'll never believe it was anyone's fault but her own."

"Yeah," Amazon, looking at Jason, "What kind of nut would blame the death of J-Street on themselves when we all know who did it?"

She never got to find out what snappy come back Jason had planned.

That's because his comment was cut off by the giant crimson monster and snarling wild dog that leapt out at them from a corner.

Chapter 11: Scarlet Fever.
The Helmster all by his lonesome.

The magenta monster seized Jason in its massive arms.

"Jason!!!!, cried Impulse as he transformed into his speed elemental form.

He hit the monster at speeds faster than the eye could follow. The very force of his blows sent the beast hurling through the air and out the cave.

The monstrosity's canine companion took one look at it's master flying through the air and turned tail.

"Well struck friend Impulse!" cheered Hank.

"Yeah, my hero" said Jason as he brushed the dirt off himself, "You just saved me from a hug."

"Huh?"

"Sigh........follow me."

*******

The heroes went to the mouth of the cave. There they saw the crimson creature huddled up in a ball. The dog was sniffing at her and whining.

It was saying something.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Fluffy, Fluffy, Fluffy......"

Impulse just stared.

Jason walked towards the fallen beast. Hank moved forward to stop him but Gail stayed his hand.

"Aly? It's okay. It's me, Jason."

The monster looked up from between her hands.

"He hit me."

"He didn't know who it was, he was trying to protect me. C'mon, " coaxed Jason " Stand up."

"Is he going to hit me again?" it asked in a fearful, questioning tone.

"No. Right Impulse?"

Bart tried not to let the shame he felt show on his face.

"Umm...yeah, I'm sorry. Really."

The creature stayed huddled for a moment, as though thinking. Then, with one movement, it stood.

It was massive. At least seven and a half feet. It was disproportionally muscled, like a Liefeld book.

It was also quite female.

Jason turned to the others.

"Ladies, gentleman, and god, I give you...the Red Monster."

Impulse, true to form, fainted.

Red turned to Jason.

"Did I do that?"

*******

By the time Impulse came to the others had already made camp for the night. Red and her pet Dingo were lying by the fire asleep.

Jason was sitting next to the fire, poking it with a stick.

"Good morning, 'bigfoot'....faint much?'

Bart smirked, " Only since I stopped running."

Amy came out of one of the tents that had been put up for the night.

"No. You're still running. We're all running from something, or someone. Sometimes even from ourselves."

"Maybe," pondered Impulse, " But I like to think I'm running to something now. Not away from it."

"Towards what?" asked Amy, shoving Jason behind to take a seat next to him near the flames.

Impulse looked up at the sky.

"I don't know.... a sense of closure maybe? Or maybe justice?"

"Justice?", asked a voice from the shadows "Or revenge?"

With those words Gail stepped out of the darkness.

Amazon responded, not even looking away from the fire.

"I've learned there's not much of difference between the two."

"Hey, " Impulse asked, "Where's Hank?"

*******

The Mighty Hank stood in the fog. Lazy tendrils of moisture caressed him like an old lover. He drew his sword and held it with its hilt up.

"I doth summon thee old friend. The Mighty Hank! Bids thee to come!"

A form began to shape from the very air before him. In little time, a figure stood before him.

"Greetings. I must ask thee, is it done?'

The figure nodded.

"Thou hast decided? Thou wilt do what must be done?"

The figure just looked at Hank.

"Aye, I know. When hast thou not done so?"

Suddenly, the figures head snapped sharply, as though hearing something that even the ears of a god could not.

It stared at Hank imploringly.

"Thy master looking for thee, eh? Very well.... I shall see thee when the battle begins. Fare thee well."

The man-shape dissipated into the fog.

Hank then sheathed his sword and walked off to rejoin the others.

*******

Night fell over our heroes.

Amazon was up keeping watch.

Not even aware that as she watched the night for foes....

Something was watching her.

Chapter 12: No Really, Someone Please Shoot Me.
The Voice of Ben Stein Kinda Monotone. (It's just Doughnut, pay him no mind)

They arrived in Seattle at 2:30 PM on a Tuesday afternoon, and, sure enough, it was raining.

"Gee, I hope it's not too hard to find J Street here," said G'nort.

"Well, it should be right between L Street and Q Street," said Bored at 2:30 PM.

Everyone looked at Bored again, even doughnut, who happened to be driving, and thus didn't see the car stopped in front of him.

*CRASH!*

"Oh crap."

"doughnut, you idiot."

"Right between L Street and Q Street, I tell ya!"

"Don't worry, I'll handle this!" shouted doughnut.

doughnut got out of the vehicle, and walked up to the man who was already out of his car and surveying the damage. The man looked kinda nerdy, and somewhat familiar, but doughnut couldn't place the face.

"Gee sir, I'm sorry about this. You see, we're not from around here, and...." said doughnut before he was cut off by the man.

"Oh don't worry, the damage isn't bad, and I can cover the repairs easily. Listen, I'm in a hurry right now, so if you just want to drive away, I'm okay with it," said the man quickly.

doughnut, kind-of shocked, said, "Ummm.....okay. Say, do you know the way to J-Street?"

Back in the vehicle, the others watched it all as the man exchanged a few words with doughnut, then got back in his car and drove off.

"Well, what'd he say?"

"He said it was all his fault, and he pleaded with me not to sue him. I told him I MIGHT let him off just this time if he told me how to get to J Street. He complied graciously and begged me to forgive him," doughnut said smugly.

"Yeah, right. By the way, did he say what his name was? I couldn't really tell through the rain, but he looked familiar," asked Jam8.

"Yeah, he said his name was William Gates, and he looked like a real geek."

"Ohmygosh! doughnut, that was Bill Gates, you moron!"

"So?!?"

"Don't you know who Bill Gates is?

"No."

"He's the head of Microsoft!"

"So.....?"

Wha?....You......Never mind. Idiot."

And so, they eventually got to J Street after stopping at McDonald's for french fries and Mr. Pibb. Mmmmmmmm.....Mr. Pibb.

They spent almost all night walking up and down J Street looking for a portal of some kind, asking people about any possible extra-dimensional portals that had been seen on the street. They were almost arrested a few times. One time, after narrowly escaping the cops by dashing into an alley, they ran into Film Freak and Goldenager, who were looking at something in a dumpster.

"What are you guys doing here!?!" exclaimed Bored, who didn't look bored for once.

"Well, we noticed that many of the Weilandland citizens were turning up missing, and we soon went to the NEB area to look for them, and when we opened the door, we saw nothing but white," explained Goldenager.

The first group wondered how Goldenager had opened the door, but decided not to ask because they didn't want to look stupid.

Film Freak and I then looked at the NEB FAQ, which is hanging right beside door, to see if there were any other known entrances," he continued." It said there was an entrance at this dumpster in Seattle. We wrote a note for you guys so that you could find us, but from your reactions to seeing us, I would guess you didn't see our note. So, I guess you read the FAQ also, and that's how you all came to be here."

"Yeah.....sure....we read the FAQ....that's it.," said doughnut in an unsure voice.

"No we didn't!" exclaimed an embittered Babs. "We got here by following doughnut's stupid theory....which I guess wasn't so stupid at all since it got us here. Stop smiling doughnut, before I knock that smile right off of your face!"

doughnut stopped smiling, because he feared Babs. Heck, doughnut feared just about everyone. doughnuts have no backbone. If they did, you'd probably choke on them. But that's neither here nor there, so back to the story.

"So, the portal's in that dumpster?" asked G'nort.

"Yes, and it doesn't have white stuff in it, it just looks all hazy," said Film Freak.

"Well, how about you go in there and check it out, FF?" asked G'nort.

"Why don't you?"

"Because.....I have a wife and kids."

"No, you don't."

"Oh."

"Dammit, if it was left up to you idiots, we'd never find out what happened to the missing citizens. It's time someone took the initiative. So.....Bored! Get in there!" shouted Jam8.

Bored looked scared, but began to slowly walk towards the dumpster. The others gathered closely around him. He had been pulling off the impersonation perfectly up until now (except for that odd little bit with the Seattle information, he may have gone overboard with that). He had blocked the NEB FAQ by standing in front of it the whole time they were in the NEB area. He had even eaten the note Goldenager had written before anyone had seen it. He was only supposed to delay the arrival of G'nort, Babs, Jam8, and doughnut into the J-Street "dimension." He had no idea what to do with Goldenager and Film Freak now. He was supposed to have eliminated them immediately, like he did with the real Bored. He had the feeling that eliminating them this late in the game (actually, he wasn't sure how much time had passed in the J-Street "dimension" since he left on his mission) would be stupid, and decided to just deliver them along with the others to J-Street.

Suddenly, "Bored" grew to twice his size, and grew two more arms. The others, stunned, were quickly grabbed by the huge, strange looking creature. With all six of them in his arms, he jumped through the portal.

Miles away, at Microsoft HQ, Bill Gates ate doughnuts, which he had mysteriously craved since the wreck earlier today.

At the Seattle Key Arena, a woman decided that life was indeed worth living, and laughed at the antics of the Harlem Globetrotters.

At Stowe Mountain, in Vermont, the first (and last) "Slide Naked and Face First Down Stowe Mountain Race" is held because people in Vermont are stupid and have nothing better to do.

Back at Weilandland, in the Search "area," which no one ever visited, the real Bored began to stir.

Chapter 13: Roaches, Roaches Everywhere and Not a Newspaper In Sight
Voice in the helm: fly on the wall.

The dawn rose over our heroes. They broke camp and began the brief trek to the designated meeting place.

What they didn't know was that they were still begin watched.

********

The roach on the floor scurried after Hank and company. He was wise enough now to stay away from their feet.

The roach listened with all his might to the conversations that were had. He had to report every word back to his master.

His master. Inwardly, the roach sneered. There was a time when he would never think of calling anyone his master. He wasn't always a dirt-scrabbling cockroach, no! For once, he had been that incredible insect, the fly on the wall.

He thought back to the moment he awoke in this new, inferior body. His ability to switch to another body after death had saved him from the fate of many of his fellow barflies. But he discovered that through some twist of fate, he had re-incarnated in his back-up form, a roach on the floor!

He had sat disoriented for hours, trying to learn all the tricks of his new body. He didn't need to think why he was in this shell though. There was only one reason he would be in it.

A nuclear detonation.

After coming to grips with his situation, he took stock of his surroundings. It was then that he noticed he was not in his basement. Rather, he was in a dank cave. And he was not alone.

Looming over him was a shadowed man.

"I see we have regained our wits."

"Heh, I don't know who you are, but that's proof you don't know me that well!", shot back the roach.

"Still flippant as ever. Let's see if THIS stays your wagging tongue."

The shadowy figure pulled a globe from the depths of his cape. The fly..err...roach's mouth..err..mandibles dropped open in shock. There, trapped in the depths of that crystalline sphere, was his wife, Deci-Belle!

"Now you see what I hold over you insect. You shall serve me, or suffer greatly." The roach stared at him in sudden amusement. Then he laughed.

"BWA HAHAHAHAHA...heheheh teeheeheee...oh goog that's rich! You really.....hehehe.....have no idea who you're dealing with."

"I don't think you understand. I don't plan to hold her in the globe unless you do my bidding. I plan to put you in here with her if you don't."

The roach swallowed. This guy had him by the.......well, he was pretty sure they were something this body didn't have, but you get the idea.

Deci-Belle stared at him through the glasslike surface. He could just make out the words she was mouthing.

*************

Come to think of it, thought the roach, serving the guy who blew up my home isn't as bad as I thought it might be.

And with that thought, he noticed he'd fallen behind the heroes and scurried to catch up.

Chapter 14: They Say Misery Loves Company
Voice in the helm: Kid Typo Mort Yoda Lad Know-It-All

...we could start a company, and make misery....

As Soul Asylum blared from the walkman at the center of the makeshift table, Impulse looked around the room at the remnants of J Street's super heroes.

There was him, gail, Hank! Amy, The Red Monster, and Jason.

On the make-shift table itself, inside the walkman, was the Wurlitzer ghost. It was as eerie as ever. Only now it only played depressing music. And Poe's Angry Johnny. Over, and over, and over.

hellgirl had shown up. She was in tattered leather. She sat in the corner polishing her guns. She hadn't spoken a word the entire time. When he asked Jason, Impulse was informed that hg had taken a vow of silence after the bar had blown up. No one knew why and of course, she wasn't telling.

Speaking of vows, Vesper had taken the garb and vows of the Over-Attentive Madonna. She felt it would be wrong for the seminary to completely disappear from the street. And, with training from Amazon, she was one heck of a warrior nun.

Is it just me, wondered Impulse, or did Jason save a heck of a lot of the gals?

Across the room, Pee Bee the thunderbolt stood in deep conversation with a blinking blue humanoid.

"Who's that?" whispered Bart to gail, who was sitting next to him.

"That's Paradox, remember him? He tried to 'blink' out of the bar as the bomb went off, and the blast caught him mid teleport. It stuck him in his dox-zone. He's a blinking blue after-image. Pee Bee's the only one who can understand him. But Pee says he's happy. A hell of a lot more powerful now too. He can 'blink' things right out of existence now."

Impulse remembered Amy mentioning Johnny Doomsday melting "away from reality into a blinking blue blob". He shuddered against his will.

gail mistook his shudder of horror with one of disgust. "No, he's not the one to watch out for. He's cool about it. Mr Angst himself is walking through the door."

Bart looked up and instantly wished he hadn't. In walked what looked like three people squished into one body. It was one of the sickest things he'd ever seen. Two almost identical heads merged, slightly mis-aligned. A third head on his shoulder. Three arms on one side, two on the other. He (they?) wore the uniform, of the Earth-M Canadian super hero team, ALPHA FLIGHT.

He turned to gail for an explanation, glad he hadn't eaten anything. Throwing up on a pregnant heroine just isn't nice.

"That's Vindicator. He was merged with his two alternate selves in the blast. They're always fighting. Still, he has a good head on his shoulders."

Impulse stared at gail. "How can you joke like that?"

"How can you not?"

Vindicator had walked over to Red Monster and sat down. Jason had explained what had happened to her on the way to the base. The Greenhill Troupe had shielded her with their bodies when the bomb went off. It saved her from a painful death. However, it mutated her further into a hairy, hulking beast-woman. She was very shy now and spent her time with a wild dingo that followed her everywhere.

Sitting in another corner of the room was a blonde kid with a weird haircut. He had a black mask on and was just staring out into space, repeating over and over one word. Impulse couldn't quite make it out...it sounded like.... "jobs"? "knobs"? Whatever. Jason had just said the guy's name was Spiff, and told Bart to sit down.

Suddenly, Hank! stood before the assembled heroes. He smiled that big nordic grin of his.

"Verily, ti's good to see you all again."

Impulse shot out of his seat. "This is it?? You're KIDDING me, right? The Pantheon had plenty of power-houses who could have survived!"

Pee Bee the thunderbolt looked at him "Thizz izzn't a comic book. It wazz a nuclear bomb. Not even the powerzz of the Valhalla Pantheon could zzzave Captain Pantheon from the zzzhere unbridled vorce of the atommm."

"Aye," said The Mighty Hank! "The villain struck when many a hero was elsewhere. Those who were here either died in the blast itself, or a slow lingering death. E'en now some of the most powerful Pantheon members are beating down on the God-Wall, trying to get through. They dost not know that should they break through, they shall release upon the land a pox of radiation."

"Oh" Said Bart. "Well, it's nice seeing you all. If you don't mind, I'm going to go find a crowbar to get this foot out of my mouth."

"No my young friend, thou spoke out of ignorance. Besides, there were others who did survive. Howe'er, the true villain has been hunting them down and killing them one by one."

Amyzon rose from her chair.

"Again you mention this mysterious threat. Who is it? Who took our friends and families from us? Let us know so we can make him pay."

"Hold thy righteous anger. We but wait for one more."

"Who?"

"kevron."

* * *

Chapter 15: Another One Bites the Dust
Voice in the helm: Typo Lad and Nope

Sunlight glinted off kevron's helm.

"Alas, poor kevron. I knew him, Herr roach on the floor; the man was an infinite jest."

The arch-villain paused on the marble steps to the throne, lofting the golden helmet with dramatic poise.

The villain's face twitched.

Unable to contain the mirth any longer, the villain began laughing hysterically, head thrown back. The peals of laughter echoed inside the shell case of the roach on the floor who skittered warily from side to side. After a moment the laughter began to fade and, between chortles, the helm and the still bleeding head within it were tossed into a pile of skulls on the floor.

"That foolish mage! He truly thought he could defeat me, me!" The laughter echoed again. "Isn't that wonderfully amusing? That fat fop versus one such as I? One who has seen the universe end and begin more times than I can count? One who is might incarnate?"

"Umm....yeah, right," mumbled the roach. Goog. I thought kev had a real chance.

"Show some more enthusiasm slave." The villain continued laughing softly, stroking the bones from which the throne was formed. "When the blood dries, place the helm in the appropriate trophy case."

The roach shuddered, at least as much as roaches can.

"You never have told me what you thought of my trophy room." The villain began laughing once more at the cowering insect. "Where would it be without your input, slave? Come now, give me your honest opinion."

This is the trophy room as the roach sees it.

Upon its unholy walls hang tokens of some of J Street's mightiest heroes. The door is framed with the bones of the Scarlet Dragon. Captain Pantheon's jacket is the first thing you see. Next to it is what was left of the Jester's costume. Propped up upon the wall is one of Van Man's tires.

The White Knight's armor stands at the other end of the room. Protected by the armor from the blast and the radiation, it was left to the heat to sear the living flesh from the mystic knight within and leave behind this cracked ivory statute. Next to him, encased in a block of ice is Unfrozen Caveman Fanboy, now frozen once more, surviving the blast only to be captured by the malevolent master planner.

Mounted on the wall is Kid Yoda's light sabre, the only testament to that Jedi's life. Beside it hangs The Goldenager's copy of Lisa Loeb's CD (one of two sold!). Below these two artifacts was the DC-Know-It-All's reading chair, where the maven of all things comic book had been sitting when the blast struck.

The rest of the room is too macabre to describe. Where the evil one could not find an artifact to represent a hero the villain has instead hung their bodies, snatched out of the graves Jason had placed them all in.

Cowering from the brutal mocking laughter, the roach remained silent.

But he was thinkingThis is one sick mother...

* * *

Chapter 16: We'll All Go Down Together
Voice That Goes in One Ear and Out Your Mother (doughnut)

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" they all screamed as they plummeted to the ground of J Street.

"Really, I had no idea that the portal ended miles above the ground, guys. I was just following orders. I mean, sure, I'm evil and all, but I wouldn't kill you guys by making you fall miles to the ground. I DO have some standards."

Goldenager looked at the large, purple, many-armed, almost-cute in that non-traditional way, dino-demon. "Well, can you save us?"

"Maybe. The fall shouldn't kill me. I think I'm supposed to keep all of you alive, but after getting screwed over on this portal thing, I'm about ready to say 'screw this' to the plan. My new master is scary and all, but this is ridiculous. Hmmmm....the ground seems to be getting closer. Yep, I'm letting ya'll die. I'm sure your bodies will help cushion my fall."

With that, B'harne moved the bodies of the Weilanders under his body.

The Weilanders began to scream again, but B'harne didn't seem to mind.

"You know, I didn't start out evil. I used to be a good kid, but I had what doctors like to call a 'weight problem.' The other kids used to always laugh at me and beat me up. Eventually, I got bigger. I ended up being bigger than most kids, and I started getting revenge. I started sitting on the other kids and eating their lunches. Eventually, I got kicked out of school. I then turned to a life of crime. I had read comics where fat white men made good crime bosses, so it had to work for me, right? Nope.I was VERY unsuccessful. I ended up getting a life sentence for a crime I didn't even commit, thanks to my so-called partner who screwed me over. I got out of prison at age 60, an old loser who had spent far too many years cooking mush and avoiding being someone's 'girlfriend.'"

"I tracked down one nerdy guy who I had went to school with. I had read in the newspaper that he was an award-winning scientist now who was developing a time machine. After reading that, I was inspired to return to my life of crime, starting with what I did beststealing nerds' lunch money."

At this point, the Weilanders had stopped screaming, and were wondering when they would finally reach the ground so that they could get away from this horrible, boring story.

"For some reason, the nerd thought I was after his stupid time machine (like that could ever help a CRIMINAL!), and he begged me not to take it. I told him to hand over his lunch money, and he instead threw it over into his time machine. I stumbled over to get the money, never suspecting the little nerd would warp me away. *SKAZ* The next thing I knew, I was in the prehistoric time era. I looked up, and saw a T-Rex coming down to gobble me up. Unfortunately for him, I was too big to swallow, and I got lodged in his throat, and he choked to death on me. Unfortunately for me, I died stuck in his throat. We both went to hell. The devil looked at both of us, and started laughing. Then he said, 'You both have evil souls, though you are both totally incompetent. I shall merge you into a demon worthy of serving me.' We were then merged into a purple-looking dino-man. I've since learned to change my shape somewhat, but I still mainly look like a purple dino. Did I mention that I'm also scared of birds and spiders? I've spent most of the history of man trying to do evil, but mainly being unsuccessful. I once tried to scare some kid to death, but just ended up inspiring him to create a popular children's character much later in his life. I've also tried to kill this guy named Jason a lot, but I've been unsuccessful with that, too. My demon wife insults me every night, and spends a lot of time with her new quote-unquote friend, Azazel. I'm such a loser. This new master offered me power and respect if I could do one mission for him, and now it's screwed. I'm such a loser. I think I'll kill myself......that is, right after I kill all of you, of course."

During the last part of his story, B'harne had not noticed that doughnut had been busy. He had used his powers to control other doughnuts to make a huge doughnut pile underneath them. Then they hit the ground.

B'harne got up, looked at all of the doughnuts, and started to eat. The Weilanders also rose from the doughnuts, a little weary but otherwise unharmed.

"What, you guys *munch* aren't dead yet? I guess *mmmh* I'll have to kill you before I finish these *burp* doughnuts and kill myself."

Jam8 jumped forward. "Don't worry, guys! My powers will be perfect for this situation! Die, demon!"

Unfortunately, the other never learned what Jam8's powers were, because B'harne bit his head off. "Mmmmmm, pretty good. I just wish he had been Jelly8, because that would have went with these doughnuts a lot better."

"Oh well, it's not like Jam8 ever used his head anyway. Get him!" screamed Babs.

Goldenager switched into gold-form, and charged. He started pummeling B'harne with his golden fists. B'harne yawned, grabbed Goldenager, and molded him into a rather nice-looking necklace.

Next, doughnut ran at B'harne. "Feel the wrath of all of the doughnuts you have so callously eaten!" doughnut then started shooting his sprinkles right into B'harne's eyes. He then made all of the doughnuts which made up the pile rise up, and fly right at B'harne. B'harne tried his best to eat them, but there were too many. He decided to grab doughnut, and send him rolling. He threw doughnut with all of his might and bowling skill. doughnut was sent off uncontrollably. The rolling made him very dizzy, and his psionic control over all of the other doughnuts was lost.

Babs then got up out of her wheelchair, and walked over to B'harne. "I can walk here."

"So?"

"I also know everything....except for the stuff I've forgotten."

"So?"

"So......I'm gonna walk over there and fall down like you've beaten me, and let G'nort have his try at stopping you."

"Ok."

G'nort watched Babs fall down. He was quite worried. He used to have a power ring, until it lost its power. Now all he could do was be annoying. So, he figured he would try to annoy B'harne.

G'nort walked over to B'harne.

B'harne said, "So, what do you do?"

"So, what do you do?"

"Oh, so you repeat things, huh?"

"Oh, so you repeat things, huh?"

"You know, that's really annoying."

"You know, that's really annoying."

"Also, you repeatedly poking me in the belly is annoying."

"Also, you repeat--UGH!"

Film Freak watched G'nort go down. He was worried. His power was not much use in a combat situation. But, as he was the only one left, he had to try.

"Well, you're the only one left. Mind telling me your power before I kill you?"

"Umm.....well, you see......I change my name."

"What?"

"I change my name. My name right now is Film Freak, but if I concentrate really hard, I can change my name to Krypto. I look exactly the same, but my name is different."

"Bwa-hahahahahahahaha! That's the stupidest thing *snicker* thing I've ever heard! Hahahahaha! Lemme see you do it. Hee-hee!"

"Okay. Mmmmm....there. Now, I'm Krypto."

"Bwahahahahahahhahahah! That's idiotic! Hohohaha! You're even more *snicker* pathetic than me. Hahahahahahohohohoho!"

Just the, one of the doughnuts B'harne had eaten came partly up his throat due to the heavy laughter. He started to choke. The dinosaur part of his soul only had time to think "not again" before he died.

Later, after Film Freak had gathered all of the other Weilanders back together, doughnut walked over to B'harne's body. "Vengeance is ours, pastry-killer."

The others decided they wouldn't tell doughnut that they, too ate doughnuts on a somewhat-regular basis.

"Now then," said Babs " Where the goog are we anyway?"

Chapter 17: Waiting For Godot.
Voices in the Helm: Typo Lad and Becket.

Two shadowed figures sit outside the newly re-assembled Pantheon's bunker.

"Is he coming?"

"He said he would."

"People say many things."

"He would not abandon us."

"Why are we talking like this?"

"It's existentialism. Y'know?"

"No. I don't."

Pause

"Oh"

Pause.

"Is that him?"

A figure is walking towards them through the night. It steps forward to reveal...The Mighty Hank!

"Ho friends Jason and Impulse! Hast he come yet?"

"No."

"What he said."

"He didst say he wouldst come."

"We've been through that."

"Oh..sorry."

"It's okay. You've been under a lot of stress."

"Verily. I canst help but wonder what sort of father I shall be. I have none to be mine example."

"You'll do fine."

"Thou thinkst so?"

"I thinkth so."

Pause

"Is that him?"

"Where?"

"There!"

"No, it's just a roach."

Pause

"So who did it?"

"It?"

"The bomb."

"Oh. I canst tell you that yet."

"Why?"

"We have to wait for him."

"Who?"

"khevron!"

"Oh. Heh. Right."

Hours pass

"Is that him?"

"If thou sayst that one more time, I may just smite thee."

"Sorry. Sheeeeesh"

"Come away. Were he coming, he wouldst have been here already."

"Good point."

"I second the emotion."

"Hey Jase?"

"Yes Bart?"

"Do you have this funny feeling that as soon as we walk away, someone is going to show up?"

"Yep."

***********

The scene played out again and again in the mind of the shrouded figure.

I wonder how would they have reacted if I'd shown up instead of khevron?

Ah well.

I never did like Beckett anyway

And with that thought, it went out of phase with reality and followed our trio back into the bunker.

Chapter 18: A Gathering of Zeroes
Voice in the Helm: Typo Lad.

Hank stood before the assembled survivors of the Pantheon.

They all depend on me. They dost expect me to lead them to victory.

I am not a leader.

I can't do this.

Unconscious, his eyes track over to where Gail and Impulse are sitting and chatting. His gaze comes to rest upon Gail's swollen belly.

I MUST do this. For my child. For it's future. For all our futures.

***********

Suddenly, Hank's thoughts were interrupted by Amazon.

"Well godling? Are we finding out who did this, or do we just sit here?"

Johnny Angry Johnny. I want to kill you/ I want to blow you away, blared the Jukebox..err..walkman poltergeist. "No," said Gail. "He was a pawn."

The walkman just increased ignored Gail and increased her volume.

THIS IS JESEBEL IN HELL! I WANT TO KILL YOU! I WANT TO BLOW YOU! AWAY!"

Gail lifted her hand. A green beam of light shot from her power-ring, containing the walkman in a soundproof sphere of emerald energy. The green globe shook as it was assaulted with powerful waves of sound.

Yet it held.

"Now than," she said "are we going to let my husband finish?"

To show it's agreement, the walkman ghost clicked itself onto tape mode. Gail freed it and flipped it o Hellgirl.

"Here, this way at least we can hear you coming."

hg just grinned one of her devilish grins as she strapped it to her belt.

Suddenly, Gail clutched her belly.

"uhhhhh"

Faster than you could say "Jonah", Hank was across the room and by his wife's side. He held onto her.

"Art though alright?"

Gail smiled weakly as her love held her steady.

"Yes..really. .....just a contraction."

Hank sighed with relief.

The sound of clapping filled the room.

Hank turned his head to see Vindicator clapping four out of his five arms.

"Touching. Lovely. Now can we get on with it??"

The head on his shoulder turned to Hank, an exasperated expression on his face.

"Sorry Henry, he's just a tad tired is all."

Oh my god thought Impulse, Gail was serious when she said he had a good head on his shoulders!

"T'is alright Vindicator1. I dost understand."

"Do you?", asked the misanthropic malformed mutant-lover "You weren't even here when this happened. You were off the Street on some madcap adventure. You don't know what we went through!! Why the hell should you be leading us? You haven't suffered as we have!"

Hank's face clouded. The tension in the room became so thick you could have touched it. A hush fell over the heroes. They knew Hank was about to say something important.

"Aye," he said "twould seem that way, would it not? I only lost the closest think to a family I has ever had. And a man who wast like a brother to me."

"And I hath had to live with the guilt of knowing it wast all my fault."

Chapter 19: Yea Though I Walk Through the Valley
Voice of Fran Drescher very annoying (you goofy roll of fat and sugar, just tell 'em Paradox wrote the intro and doughnut did the rest of the damage!)

The hotel room was a shambles. The floor was littered with broken Wild Turkey and Ballantine Ale bottles, with a touch of mirror glass to give it texture. One bed was half burned away and littered with the torn remains of four hotel maid uniforms. There was an odor not unreminiscent of the spoor of the rare Himelayan Ibex. An ominous doctor's bag rested comfortably in the shattered bowels of the sparking television. I occupied the other bed, listening with paranoid delusion to the animalistic sounds emitting from the bathroom. The only light available was from several strings of small Christmas tree lights, adorning the outside wall strung in the shape of...well, something filthy in Sanskrit.

We'd been here five days, in this fetid hole. I'd been sent here on an assignment, given to me by some kid running a comic book company in New York. That should give some indication of the depths my career had sunk. Comic books? I don't know why I didn't just pull the pistol out from under the bed and end it all, right now. I'd long since forgotten what the assignment was, but, being the consummate Doctor of Journalism that I was, I was trying to piece together my taped notes just to turn in something. It was bad enough the little weasel was going to bust a blood vessel over the expense account. Over $15,000 in room service, alone, in the time we'd been here (a personal best). Eventually, I discovered that my attempts would end in vain, as the tape was covered with a clear, viscous substance spewed from God-only-knows-where.

I was suddenly interrupted by a whizzing sound and the thunk-twang of a military-issue Ka-Bar knife embedding itself in the wall a mere two inches from my head. I looked up from my work to see that my attorney, a great bear of a man, had sprung forth from the womb of the bathroom, naked as the day he was born, except for smears of red war-paint and an oversize pair of Dingo cowboy boots, his face distorted in an atavistic leer. Bad craziness.

"As your attorney, I'd advise you to read that."

Never taking my eyes off the psychotic litigator (you never knew what he was going to do), I carefully pulled a yellow telegram from around the knife and read it.

CEASE AND DESIST IN THIS UNAUTHORIZED PASTICHE OF MY STYLE, YOU LITTLE HACK, OR YOU'LL FIND ME, TONIGHT, SHOOTING OUT EVERY WINDOW IN YOUR HOUSE WITH MY .357 MAGNUM!!

HUNTER S. THOMPSON

He wasn't kidding. We'd been down this road before.

---

Five Weilander's sat around, looking bored out of their minds. Suddenly noticing the silence, Babs stood up and began brushing off her clothes, "Hey, guys, looks like we're on."

The others shuffled to their feet, and doughnut asked, "Where were we? I'm kind of lost here."

Babs produced a rather large script and began flipping through the pages, "Hmmm...I'm afraid this looks like forty-eight pages of psychotic gibberish!"

Goldenager rolled his eyes. "Looks like we're left on our own...again."

Scratching himself, G'nort asked, "Ummm...anyone seen where the john is in this place?" All it got him was several cold stares. Babs sighed and flipped the script over her shoulder, the pages scattering. All but one page, which was grabbed by Film Freak.

"Hey, I've seen this movie. It starred Bill Murray and somebody."

Little did the Freak know the fate that was in store for him this chap...

The voices of the Weilander's rose like a Greek chorus.

"Will you SHUT UP??"

Sorry, won't happen again.

An irritated furrow appeared between Babs' eyebrows, "Can we just get back to the story?"

---

"Shouldn't we bury him or something?"

The Weilanders were gathered around Jam8's decapitated body. They were now pretty much recovered from their battle with B'harne, and weren't quite sure what to do next.

"Well, we don't have any shovels, so I say we just leave him here."

"Nah, I say we cover him with doughnuts from that huge doughnut pile. It'd be sorta like burying him."

So, the Weilanders covered Jam8's body. After they were done, doughnut said some words about "ashes to ashes, doughnuts to doughnut," and then they were off.

As they walked through the now decimated J Street, they saw crumbling buildings, and odd-looking life forms.

"You know I've heard about mutations being caused by radiation and stuff, but this is just weird!" exclaimed a startled doughnut.

A small animal had just run across his feet. It appeared to be a mouse with a pencil for a tail. Then they saw a dog with protractors for ears.

"This isn't how mutations work. This is just stupid," Goldenager said.

"Well, there's a reason this is so weird. doughnut's writing this part of the Chapter. Hell, he probably knows how mutations really work, he's just writing it this way because he probably thinks it's funny. No one else will think it's funny, but doughnut doesn't really care, he just likes to amuse himself, something that is quite easy to do," Babs stated.

They all looked at Babs with bewilderment in their eyes, even doughnut.

"What are you talking about, Babs?"

"Umm......I'm not sure. I knew it a minute ago, but now I've forgotten. Damn! I hate it when that happens!"

The others thought for a moment about what Babs had said, and were reconsidering what they should do next.......

---

Kid Yoda: What do you think you're doing? I gave you a simple plot to write a Chapter from, and now you're having the characters discovering that they're in a story? You can't keep throwing in your own little plot twists that make this story go on and on forever! Now, I'm the editor, and I say get on with the Chapter or I'll write it myself!

Doughnut: Okay. Sorry. You didn't say anything to 'Dox!

Kid Yoda: Quit apologizing and write that Chapter! Stupid pastry boy.

---

Suddenly, the Weilanders forgot everything that had happened in the past five minutes.

Then, randomly, they all said "EDITORS SUCK!!!" in unison, at the tops of their voices.

The Weilanders decided to make camp for the night. Goldenager and Film Freak were cooking roast rabbits which had cassette tapes for feet. G'nort, Babs, and doughnut were gathering soda cans which had not been destroyed from nearby building remnants. A small roach had found their camp, and was eating rabbit skins which had been tossed aside, being careful to avoid the plastic parts, and being grateful he had not been mutated into a mutant roach with a spoon for a body or something like that when J Street was destroyed.

After everyone had eaten, including the roach, they sat down around the fire to discuss what they should do next.

"Well, we can either try to find a way back home, or try to find the others here in J Street, that is, IF they are alive," said G'nort.

"What do you mean 'if?' Don't think like that! They've got to be alive, and we've gotta find them" yelled Film Freak!

"FF's right. We didn't come all of this way just to turn around at the first sign of trouble! But I have no idea what to do next. Well, I DID have an idea, but I forgot it. Damn this stupid power!" screamed a very angry Babs.

"Well, I COULD tell you where to go....IF you were to give me a swig of that Sprite there. Rabbit skin with plastic SURE does make a roach thirsty!" spoke a tiny voice.

"Aah! A roach! Stomp on it!" screamed a very frightened G'nort.

"No! Didn't you hear what it said? And besides, it's voice is VERY familiar."

doughnut poured some Sprite in front of the roach, and after the roach had drank his fill, asked him, "Your name sounds familiar, you're Buried Alien, right?"

"What?!?" exclaimed the roach, after he had spit Sprite everywhere. "No!"

"Are you......Guardian?"

"No! You honestly don't recognize my voice? C'mon! I was the funny guy....also, I was an insect."

"I know! Red Bee!"

Wha?!? No! That guy hasn't posted in ages! You've got to recognize me."

"You said you were an insect AND funny? Well, that eliminates fly on the wall...."

"What?!? I am too funny! Of course I'm fly, I just got changed into a roach when J Street was destroyed."

"Well, why didn't you say 'I was an insect, an OLD insect?' We all would have guessed it was you then."

"Y'know, when this is all over, I'm gonna kill all of you if you don't get killed by the bad guy before that."

"Bad guy? What bad guy? And what happened around here, anyway?"

The little roach then proceeded to tell the Weilanders about how J Street was destroyed, and how the survivors were gathering once again to stop the bad guy behind it all once and for all.

"So, who is this bad guy behind it all, fly? I mean, roach?"

"Ummm.....I....I don't know."

"Well, can you at least tell us where the survivors are gathering?"

"Sure! They're gathering at the bunker."

"Where's the bunker?"

"Mmmm.......not...here?"

"I know where it is!" shouted an excited Babs!

"Well then, let's get over there before Babs forgets!" shouted Goldenager.

The Weilanders then started to run off, following Babs.

The little roach watched them go, then disappeared himself.

---

This Chapter is dedicated to that guy who invented the stapler. Man, is that a handy little device or what? - doughnut

Staple this, Sprinkle Boy! - Paradox

Chapter 20: Revelations.
Voice in the Helm: Distraction Lass

The group was stunned. Silence reigned as everyone contemplated The Mighty Hank!'s statement And I hath had to live with the guilt of knowing it wast all my fault.

gail was the first to speak. "Henry..." her voice was kind, but underlain with concern, "I know you feel that you have to take the multiverse on your shoulders, but what happened wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been."

Her attempt at comfort only made it that much worse. Hank! hung his head in shame and knelt before his wife. The rest of the Pantheon looked on, still unsure of this new development.

Hank! tenderly wrapped his hands around gail's and slowly met her gaze. He wanted to spare her this pain, the mother of his child, the one he should never hurt... and yet he owed her the truth. He owed them all the truth. Haltingly, he began to speak.

"The man behind this villainy hast done terrible things. He is evil without equal. And it is I who hast brought his wrath down upon the Pantheon." Hank! scanned the faces of the remaining Pantheoneers, silently begging their forgiveness.

Vindicator met his eyes with a resolute stare. Some things you just can't forgive. Aloud, he said "So cut the crap and get on with it, leader-boy. Who are we up against here?" The "good" head remained silent, but silence was agreement enough.

Amyzon seconded him, although with a bit more tact. "I agree. Hank!, you have kept us in the dark this whole time on the premise that we were waiting for kevrhon. It is time for you to tell us just what this is all about."

Faces turned expectantly towards Hank!

"Our foe," he replied, "is David Copperfield."

The room exploded. Everyone was talking at once, voices overlapping in a cacophony of sound that rose in volume until nothing was intelligible but the feeling of righteous anger which filled the room. Until someone yelled just a bit louder, of course.

"EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, HELLO, I'M TALKING HERE!

The group shut up immediately and turned to stare at Vindicator, their expressions clearly saying "Now what?" The room was silent waiting for his answer, the only exception a clicking noise which could be traced back to hellgirl, who was repeatedly pulling back the hammer on her shotgun. Her patience was wearing thin.

Vindicator lost his edge trying to face them down and finally gave up, staring at the floor as he asked, "So just who is this David Copperfield guy?"

"He's a demon [illegitimate child], that's what he is," Jason called out from the chair where he sprawled, feet propped up on the table in front of him. "I've fought him before. This won't be a picnic, that's for sure." He glared at Hank!, who was staring up at his wife with the desperate hope that she might understand.

gail reached out and caressed her husband's face. "I still love you," she whispered softly. "But right now it's time for you to be the leader they need, even if they don't know it. Tell them what happened, and they'll understand."

Armed with his wife's love and support, Hank! stood up and reclaimed his leadership. "Many years ago," he began, " I worked for a magician by the name of David Copperfield. He wast very famous, very popular, and nearly insane. I managed to send him back in time, to the beginning of the universe," the fact that it was an accident wasn't something they needed to know, Hank! thought. If they art to look at me as their leader, they must respect me, he decided. "He somehow merged with the universe... and now he cannot truly die. His body decays even now, but his soul will live as long as the universe dost exist." Hank! looked into the faces of his followers and saw confusion. "It was my fault that Copperfield was given such abilities, my fault that he attacked the Pantheon when t'was I he wanted. T'was Copperfield who created Johnny Doomsday... and in a sense, t'was I who created Copperfield."

The Pantheoneers reeled with disbelief; most of them, that is. Red Monster sat huddled in the corner with the dingo, oblivious to the proceedings, and gail sat with her head in her hands, unwanted tears trickling down her face. It was to hellgirl's advantage; while Hank! spoke, she had been unobtrusively moving nearer him, circling behind him as though she were casually pacing the room. It was when he stopped, his mighty head hung in shame, that she attacked.

Rushing Hank from behind, hellgirl managed to knock the unsuspecting godling to the floor. He was quick to recover, though, and she was unable to get in a kick to the ribs as he grabbed her ankle and brought her down as well. Vindicator took the opportunity to vent his rage, hurling himself at Hank's back and raining down blows with his five fists. The three fought, hellgirl with silent intensity, Vindicator with undisguised hatred, Hank! with the nagging feeling that he deserved this punishment.

gail, however, had other feelings. Using her power was out of the question; Hank might be hurt. With her distended stomach, there wasn't much she could physically. All she could hope for was to shame her fellows into intervening. Getting to her feet, she railed at the other Pantheoneers. "Do something! Why are you all just standing there? My husband doesn't deserve this!! Please! Would you stand by and let a fellow member of the Pantheon be killed when we've lost so many?" Her voice was filled with anguish and anger; the fear she kept to herself. "Get off your butts and DO something!"

Amyzon, Vesper, and Jason moved to break up the fight, but before they could do so, the door swung inward and an indistinguishable mass stood silhouetted in the light. Everything ceased. The fighters regained their feet, Hank moving protectively towards his wife. No one spoke.

Finally a voice came from the doorway. "What, did somebody die in here? You guys look like you just lost your best friend!"

"G'nort! What a thing to say!" came a chorus of voices.

The Pantheoneers relaxed as the group of Weilanders entered the bunker. The tension in the air slid away as the two groups mingled. There were the usual questions, the "how did you get here" and the "how did you know where to find us", but there was no time to answer. Before the feeling of camaraderie could spread, Impulse spoke up.

"Uh... guys? I think maybe you should take a look at this..."

Chapter 21: Magical Mayhem
Voices in The Helm Typo Lad and AKM.

The rag-tag team of remaining heroes turned to where Impulse was pointing. There before them was a semi-transparent man hovering approximately three feet off the ground. His sparse hair was slicked back, and his big bushy eyebrows were bushier than ever. He waved his hands in front of his face and in a stage whisper cried out, "Magic!" He then began to chortle like a madman.

"Greetings 'heroes'. So good of you all to gather in one place. So much easier to wipe out that way."

The Mighty Hank! stepped forward, StormSword in hand. "Leave them out of this foul one! Your battle dost be with mine self and mines self alone!"

"'foul one'? How very droll of you Hank. This is no mere 'battle'. This is REVENGE. Revenge for the life YOU took from me. I was the worlds greatest illusionist! Everyone knew my name! I had a book deal! I had Claudia freaking Schiffer! And with one simple blunder, you took that all away from me.

"No Henry. You shall suffer. Suffer as I did. Feel the pain of your whole world being torn apart where you stand. The nuclear bomb was just the beginning. Face me at J Street's heart in one hour.

"If you dare."

The words hung heavy in the air, even as the mystic image faded away.

Hank turned to the others.

"I canst ask you to risk your lives for me. Stay here and I shall battle the fiend."

Amyzon put her hand on his shoulder. "Not so Hank. We all have a stake in this. He took our friends. Our families. Our loved ones. And we. Will. Make. Him. Pay."

The other heroes shouted their assent.

G'nort turned to Babs and whispered "So I guess this means we dare, eh?"

"Yes. Yes it does. Now shut up."

*****

The cheering was interrupted by doughnut.

"Umm, excuse me? But how are we going to find this Copperfield anyway? I mean, 'J Street's heart?' Isn't that a bit vague?"

Gail turned to him. "You weren't a regular here, so you wouldn't understand. Copperfield was being as specific as he could be without making it appear in big gold letters in the sky."

Amy shifted her armor into a more comfortable position. "She's right. There was only one place that was the heart of J Street; only one place was the heart of Pantheon; only one place was the heart of..." She broke off and turned her back to her companions. When she spoke again, there was a slight catch in her voice, barely noticeable unless you knew what to listen for. "We shall fight at the heart of it all! The Pond!"

*****

The heroes took advantage of their one hour window to give themselves the chance to prepare for battle. The headset poltergeist played (relatively) quietly to itself while helga packed some bullets. Hank! sharpened his sword, while gail sat nearby keeping all these things and contemplating them in her heart.

A group of the remaining heroes were off at a table in the corner. Vesper was reading to them from Revelations.

"I tell ye thif, and I charge ye with my wordes. Four shalle ryde, and Four shalle alfo ryde, and Three sharl ryde the Skye as twixt, and Wonne shal ryde in flames; and theyr shall be no stopping themme not fish, nor rayne, nor rode, neither Deville nor Angel. And ye shalle be theyr alfo, Anathema.*"

"Are you sure that's appropriate?"

"It worked for Kingdom Come, it can work here."

"Yeah, but which side are we?" G'nort was chased away for this last comment (such is the fate of all who dare to question the views of the majority). He padded around the bunker, sizing up his teammates. Hank! and gail were leaning on one another, sharing a quiet moment. His mighty hand rested on her even mightier belly; every so often a tiny tremor was visible through the pronounced tendons of the God 'Moung Men, coinciding with the tiny kicks from below. Impulse blinked away for a moment, scouting out the remains of Grendel's bar. Jason Borelli, the caretaker of J Street's dead, was standing off to one side. He took a small lead case from around his neck.

He just stared at it for a while. He looked up at G'nort and smiled.

"It's like a bike you know. You never forget how.

He opened the case. His face was immediately bathed in a green glow. He reached inside and removed a small green object, no bigger than a golfball.

G'Nort's furry face lit up as he saw what it was. "Hey! Where can I fetch me one'a them?"

"Oh, hush." Babs walked up behind the two former GLs.

"It's all right Babs. I used to be the Pantheon's big joke (G'northey! Who's a joke?!?); I was the one with all the big plans, but never had what it took to carry them out. I wanted to be a leader. I wanted to be important. I wanted to be something more than just... me. Now look at me. I'm a sad pathetic wreak of a man.'

G'Nort and Babs just looked at him. Jason held the glowing green object up and examined it in the light shed by the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. "But with this I can be A HERO!"

He slipped the ring on his middle finger and examined it. "Well, it's not exactly the same as mine. This used to belong to Power Ring." He looked over at Amyzon before continuing. "I saw Amy every couple of months. Even though we both had our own ideas on how to honor the dead, I guess we rubbed off on one another. She's left a few mementos behind for me, and now here I am using a weapon of the dead. Heh. Everything seeks a balance, I guess."

He lifted the ring aloft and began to speak. A hush fell over the room.

"In brightest day."

"In blackest night."

Gail joined in "No evil shall escape our sight."

He smiled "Let those who worship evil's might,"

"Beware our power...

"The PANTHEON'S LIGHT!"

Chapter 22: And Seven Thunders...
Voices in the Helm -- are easily cleared with new Anti-Vox deluxe; only $5 a can. (doughnut and Nope)

Grendel's Pond.

The heart of J Street. The heart of the destruction.

Even in ten years - ten, long years since a single act of destruction ravaged the length and breadth of J Street - the scars still seemed fresh here. Perhaps all they saw was a reflection of their own, personal scars; these too were still fresh. Whatever the actual reason, the heroes remained silent, lost in their own thoughts as they advanced towards their rendezvous with Copperfield.

As it descended slowly, sunlight, unnoticed, glittered from the iridescent emerald bubble; inside, gail crossed her arms over her belly, feeling her unborn child kick.

Not this time, she thought. No one dies. Not this time. gail looked across at Hank!, a brief, sad smile playing across her lips.

No one's going to take my loved ones away again.

Hank! studied the edge of his Storm Sword and tried to ignore the screams of guilt still running through his head. Beside him, an unfocused blur showed where Impulse was fidgeting with nervous super-speed.

Jason carefully guided the green sphere to earth, feeling guilty at how much he was enjoying the old, familiar sensation of guiding the power ring's energies. As the bubble gently touched the ground, throwing up a light splattering of dust, he rather unnecessarily announced: "We're here."

Amazon glanced sideways at Vesper who was biting her lip, brow furrowed. "You ready for this?"

"Not really," returned Vesper, "but let's go anyway."

Amazon readied her sword, stepping down into the ruins. She blinked, clearing eyes that grew misty staring at the blasted ruin, almost in wonderment; she hadn't thought there could be any tears left.

I miss you, Joe, she thought - and had to turn from the others, for a moment; just for a moment.

Someone cleared their throat. The heroes spun round as eight figures stepped slowly from the shadows.

"Much as I'd love to join you in soaking up the atmosphere," sneered Copperfield, "I'd prefer to watch you suffer slow agonizing deaths. With bells on."

A ripple of laughter ran through the crowd. The Pantheon took stock, recognizing their old foes the Reverse Hat, grinning darkly; the Infernal Mime, silent and somber; gail2, her features a twisted parody of their comrade; Coyote Jack, the fallen Jam8's evil twin; the shrill and giggling KC Suberman; the Secret Elder, waving his magic drawing board; and redWrath who "redWrath?" interrupted Babs. "Isn't he dead? With his soul eaten by the Lords of Dis?"

"Very true," agreed Copperfield, adding with just the merest hint of an arrogant tone: "such things mean little to one of my power."

"And now..." He paused dramatically, pointing at the Pantheon, before bellowing: "ATTACK, MY MINIONS!"

There was another pause.

"Who, us?" asked KC Suberman.

"No, the other team of resurrected and magically controlled felons," growled Copperfield. "OF COURSE I MEANT YOU!! NOW, ATTACK THE PANTHEON OR I'LL TURN YOU ALL INTO -- INTO-- INTO AARDVARKS!"

The battle was joined, but not before doughnut could hope with all of his might that they would be turned into aardvarks. He hoped in vain.

"Let the Carnage Begin!" shouted redWrath as the villains and heroes picked out their respective opponents.

KC Suberman went after Babs and G'nort, thinking they would be the easiest to defeat just by the looks of them. He screamed and giggled as he chased them. Babs and G'nort were terrified, and G'nort was learning the true power of annoyance.

gail2 attacked Amazon, trapping her in a magical cage. "Copperfield has amplified all of our powers to a level which cannot be comprehended by savages such as you!" With those words spoken, gail2 made Amazon's sword fly out of her hand and into the hands of the evil CoyoteJack.

"Uh-oh," said a very scared Film Freak, as he hid behind Goldenager. CoyoteJack was running straight at them with the sword. Goldenager transformed his golden body into a huge suit of armor which surrounded Film Freak.

"Teamwork will be the only way to beat this guy, FF."

"Teamwork will get you nowhere, you little morons. Say, golden one, weren't your powers different the last time you were on J Street?"

"Well.....yeah...I think. Hmmm...what happened to me?"

"Goldeanger, look out!" screamed Film Freak, but it was too late. CoyoteJack had used the distraction to lop off Goldenager's arm with Amazon's sword. Film Freak had moved his arm just in time to save it from being cut, too.

The Infernal Mime slowly approached Hank! and gail. Hank! attacked without warning, seeking to protect his wife. The Mime threw his hand into the air, and Hank!'s sword stopped short of the Mime's open palms.

"What manner of sorcery is this?" gail figured it out quickly enough, the Mime had created an invisible wall. The Mime then proceeded to climb onto an invisible motorcycle, and drove it directly into Hank! Hank! was knocked down by the blow, which was more powerful than he had expected.

"Copperfield must have made the Mime powerful enough to defeat Hank!, but I bet he wasn't counting on me!" With that spoken, gail tried every attack she could think of with her ring. The Mime countered them all. This was not going well.

redWrath was sizing up doughnut. "What are you supposed to be, pastry boy?"

"Why, a doughnut, silly!"

doughnut then proceeded to laugh really loudly at redWrath, since doughnut always thought of himself as funny. redWrath, however, was not amused.

Before doughnut could make a move, redWrath had sliced doughnut into four separate pieces.

"Ooh, that tickled," laughed the moving pieces. doughnut could control all doughnuts, and since he himself was a very large doughnut, he could control his own body.

"STOP LAUGHING!"

"But, *hee-hee* you said, *snicker* (in a very bad impression of redWrath) 'WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?', *bwahahaha* and I said, *ho-ho* (in a very bad impression of himself) 'WHY, A DOUGHNUT, SILLY!' BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!"

redWrath then attacked a still-laughing doughnut with even more ferocity.

The Secret Elder was keeping Vindicator, hellgirl, and the others occupied, playing "Win, Lose, Draw!" on his magic drawing board.

Then, Jason got his opponent. Reverse Hatman approached him, with an evil grin across his face.

"So, I get to demolish the loser, the joke of the group. How nice," he spoke, in a voice which was nothing like Hatman's.

"I guess I should spare you. We will need someone to bury your dead friends when this is over, after all."

That did it.

Jason snapped out of the haze he had been in since his friend had died, so many years ago. He WAS going to stop the bad guys this time, and no one was going to die.

Reverse Hatman noticed a large shadow over himself. He looked behind himself to see a very large green dragon. "It's kind of fitting you know, a wizard being beaten by a dragon," said Jason. The dragon then bit Reverse Hatman in half before he could even begin to defend himself. Jason look at the remains of Reverse Hatman, but only for a second, then headed towards gail and the Mime.

gail had been holding her own with the Mime, but neither of the opponents had been making any real headway, and gail was getting tired.

Jason landed between them. "Let me take over, gail, you go see to Hank!"

gail nodded, and ran to Hank! As she ran, she heard a chilling scream.

She knew it wasn't Jason's, and she didn't look back.

Jason saw Goldenager laying on the ground, and CoyoteJack was pulling Film Freak out of a hole where Goldenager's arm used to be.

"You are another mockery of a departed friend, and you will exist no longer," said a somber but determined Jason.

With that, arms made of energy from Jason's ring grabbed CoyoteJack's arms, and forced Jack to skewer himself with Amazon's sword. "I'll take that, and return it to it's rightful owner."

Amazon was screaming in pain, as gail2 attacked her writhing form with bolts of black energy.

Suddenly, gail2 stopped attacking Amazon. She waved her hand towards Amazon, but nothing happened.

"Before, I had limits to my powers, which I had imposed on myself. Those limits cost me many lives. Those limits are gone, as are your powers, gail2. Here is your sword, Amy." With that, he tossed the bloody sword to Amazon, who was slowly but surely getting up. Amazon smiled at Jason for the briefest of moments, then they both went to their respective businesses.

Jason looked at redWrath attacking doughnut repeatedly, and wondered why doughnut was laughing.

"You, assassin, are dead."

"Not anymore!" screamed redWrath, as he quickly turned and threw a dagger at Jason.

Without flinching, Jason used his powers to turn the dagger around and sent it right back to redWrath, twice as fast as redWrath had thrown it. redWrath went down hard. Jason then reduced redWrath's body into its component atoms, to be sure he would stay dead this time.

doughnut continued laughing.

The Secret Elder had seen all of Jason's actions, and had decided discretion would be the better form of valor for today. He disappeared, and the ones who had been playing with him started to come to their senses.

Jason floated towards Copperfield, who had been watching the whole thing. The other heroes were recovering, and stood behind him.

Jason raised his fist towards the magician, sunlight glinting dramatically from his ring as the hero snarled: "You're next."

Chapter 23: Searching
Voice in the......whatever, it's just another crappy Chapter stuck in the middle of the action by doughnut.

Bored slowly rose to his feet and looked around.

The last thing he remembered was going to Jonah's, and then everything went black.

He recognized the area he was in, it was the "Search" area of Weiland Land. He had been here before. Standing in front of him was a console with a keyboard on it. In front of the console was a large wall which was completely blank. He remembered the only other time he had been in this place. He was in search of an old conversation about Batman's parents, and he had come here. He had typed "Batman's parents" into the keyboard, then hit the enter key. Immediately, an image had appeared on the wall of doughnut and Babs talking about Batman's parents. He had stepped through the wall and had found himself in their presence, and he joined the conversation.

Bored turned around and walked to the door opposite of the blank wall. It was locked.

Bored thought for a moment, then walked over to the keyboard. He typed in "Bored going to Search area." There were two listings. He chose the most recent one.

Suddenly, an image appeared on the screen. It was an image of Bored being knocked out by a huge, purple thing. Bored watched the thing assume his form, then place him into the Search area.

Bored was getting bored watching this.

He thought and thought.

That started to bore him as well.

Finally, he typed in "what the heck is going on?" An error message appeared. This angered Bored, which was not an easy task, but Bored had a short temper with search engines, it was his secret shame. He kicked the console, then spit on it, then headbutted the keyboard.

That did it.

Mysteriously, the wall came to life with images.

Bored saw a huge white wall, and many beings outside of it. Some of them looked familiar, some didn't, but they all seemed to be trying to get in. The image on the wall moved inside of the wall, where he saw many of the people he had met in Weiland Land. They seemed older than he remembered them. Bored was getting curious, which was unusual.

The image stopped moving at the scene of a battle. It looked like a bunch of Weiland-type people were in a battle of some sort. And watching the battle......was that David Copperfield?!?

"What the?!?"

Bored was not really interested in this scene (despite the fact that David Copperfield was there), but he felt a strange compulsion to go join his friends.

"Hmmmm......I...........well, I...........yeah, I guess I'll go see if I can help."

Suddenly, the image on the wall froze. Then an explosion occurred in front of the wall. As the smoke cleared, Bored began to make out two figures and a rather large box.

"Hello, Mr. Bored. I em Sigfreid!" shouted a gaudily dressed man.

"Und I, em Roy!" shouted his equally gaudily dressed friend.

"Yay!" they both shouted in unison.

"Mr. Bored, wee ave been sendt by Daveed Copperfeld too deetan yoo" said the dark haired one.

"Ween Mr. Copperfeld approched us abote deetanibg yoo, wee sed 'nonono' az wee AR pacifists," continued his blonde haired friend.

"Hee theen sed 'yoo dun't ave too fite heem, merely deetan heem!'"

"Mr. Copperfeld promeezed uz many otefits coverred een jewels und meeny wite tigeres und meeny smoke bombes eef wee deetanned yoo."

"So....wee ave desadeed to deetan yoo wid specTACular eentertanement!"

The two men then moved to each side of the box, and opened it up. Inside the box was a white tiger riding a unicycle. The tiger rode the unicycle out into the room and began to ride in circles as the two men pranced around the tiger saying many "oohs" and "ahs".

"So, yoo ure eentertaneed, yez?"

Bored stared in amazement. He had not understood one word the two men had said. He thought that they must be space men from another planet, judging from their flashy outfits and strange language which in no way resembled his own. Bored would not have normally been interested in this type of act, as he found them quite boring (everything bored Bored except for comics, search engines, animals, and pie), but he WAS an animal rights activist, and he was appalled by the treatment these aliens were giving this rare white tiger.

The two men were still smiling brightly and "oohing" and "ahing." Bored walked slowly over to the console and yanked the keyboard off of the console. He then carefully walked over to the blonde-haired one, who started to say something to Bored in his incoherent language. Bored quickly smashed the keyboard over the blonde man's head.

The black-haired man stood shocked. Bored quickly took some keys from the blonde man's body, and ran over to the tiger. Just as he expected! The tiger was chained to the unicycle! He quickly unlocked the tiger, who seemed quite grateful. The tiger licked him as thanks.

The black-haired man stood at the other side of the room, not knowing what to do. He started to explain who had sent him there, and then he began to beg for his life. Unfortunately, Bored didn't understand a word of it. Bored looked at the tiger.

"You're free, now boy."

The tiger looked at him, quizzically.

"Go do whatever you want!"

The tiger look at the man across the room, then streaked across the room and attacked the man. The tiger bit the black-haired man's head off, then walked over to the blonde-haired man's body, and began to eat it.

Bored looked on in disgust and fear.

The wall was still blank. Bored had no idea how to activate it again now that the keyboard was gone.

"I see vengeance has already been served here."

Bored turned, startlingly, to see a figure hovering in a flowing cloak.

"Hello, Bored."

"You?!?"

"Yes. It's me."

"What's going on?"

The cloaked figure then began to relate what all had transpired *see Chapters 1-22, 'cause I'm sure not summarizing it all for you here!*, which made Bored so bored that he almost fell asleep.

The cloaked figure then told Bored (after throwing some water in his face to awaken him)that Copperfield did not want certain Weilanders involved in this, and Bored in particular. When he had discovered that Babs, G'nort, and the others had survived, he had sent Sigfreid and Roy to handle Bored. The mysterious figure did not know why Copperfield didn't want Bored and the others involved, but that if it was bad for Copperfield, the figure planned on getting Bored to J Street.

The mysterious figure then motioned toward the smashed keyboard, and it floated towards the console while reassembling.

The image of the Pond reappeared on the screen.

"Are you coming, too?" asked Bored, who was only slightly disinterested at this point.

He just glared back.

Bored looked into the shadowy eyes, and saw the answer.

The tiger continued its meal, as the room flashed brightly from the teleportation.

Chapter 24: Oh, how the Mighty! Have fallen...
Voices in the Helm:--

Jason raised his fist towards the magician, sunlight glinting dramatically from his ring. "You're next."

The others had formed a semi-circle behind the Green Lantern, threatening but not intruding. This wasn't their moment. It was Jason's. Jason Borelli, Green Lantern. Neurotic, self-depreciating, Jason was now offered the chance to make amends for the most pathetic years of his life. This was his moment of retribution. At least, it was, until Copperfield did the unexpected.

He laughed.

He laughed so hard that he fell to the ground, tears dripping down the half-rotted flesh of his face. The remnants of the Pantheon and the Weilanders looked at each other, unsure of this new development.

G'nort leapt into the air. "DOGPILE!!"

He was about to land on the downed villain when the air crackled with energy, hurtling him back to his companions, who were none too happy to be knocked down.

G'nort shook his head and smiled. "Hey, thanks for breaking that fall, guys."

Hank strode to the front of the group, facing Copperfield, who had regained his composure. "Enough antics, villain. Why hast thou done this?" Hank swung his arm out, gesturing to his companions. "Why them? Art I not enough for thy revenge?"

"ENOUGH??" Copperfield would have been foaming at the mouth, had his lips not rotted away. "It will NEVER be enough for me, you dim-witted Aryan poster boy! Nothing can return to me what you have stolen." The enraged villain paced back and forth in front of the heroes. "I have awaited this moment for billions of years, more than you pathetic fools can comprehend. You," he added, pointing at Hank, "you ruined my life. I lost EVERYTHING because of you. Every moment of my existence is agony, thanks to you, and it will never end! Enough? There are not enough worlds in the multiverse to fulfil my desire for revenge. Only when they are all dead shall I have my rest--but I will begin with you, you whose incompetent bumbling caused all of this."

The heroes watched as Copperfield began to grow in size. He towered over them, his decaying hands reaching out above them as he bellowed in a voice loud enough to echo through time: You have ruined my life, MightyHank, and now I shall ruin yours!"

Copperfield's maniacal laughter filled the heroes' ears as tentacles of pure energy lashed out from his hands. Jason and gail rushed to erect a protective shield, but not before Red Monster and her dingo were struck. The lash reduced the dingo to ashes, but Red Monster charged the enemy, unaffected by Copperfield's energy. The heroes watched in horror as their team-mate began to shrink, disappearing completely from view just before she would have reached the magician. Unslowed by the attack, Copperfield turned his attention to Paradox. His arm glowing with a blue light, the villain fired a bolt of energy at the hero, banishing him to the Dox-zone. Counting the dingo, the heroes' numbers were now reduced by three, and Copperfield had yet to be harmed.

The villain had turned his attention back to Hank, his archenemy, when gail screamed her defiance and attacked. Encased in emerald armour, she flew at her opponent, only to spin out of control and hit the ground with a thunderous impact.

Chapter 25:
Voices in the Helm:--

Hank was already in motion when his wife began to fall. He reached her side moments after she hit the ground. Her emerald armour had dissolved; she lay helpless in the midst of battle.

Sizing up the situation, Jason organised the others in hit and run attacks, drawing Copperfield away from the pregnant heroine. Impulse ran circles around his legs, attempting to topple the giant. Unlike StarWars however, where the Rebel alliance managed to knock down the imperial walkers, he served as little more than a distraction technique. Amazon hacked at Copperfield with her sword, but as the flesh was continually falling from his rotting body, there was little damage she could do that was not already done.

"Hank... I..." gail's voice was a faint whisper.

"Shhhh, darling, twill be all right. I wilt take thee away from here." Hank cradled his wife's body, about to fly her to safety. A gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"I'll take over from here, Hank. You have a battle to win. This is not your task." Dom stood behind him, her eyes and smile expressing the bittersweet happiness of the moment. "Your wife is in labor, Hank. She must go. You must stay. This is my appointed task. I could not interfere before, but now I must."

Hank kissed his wife on the forehead. "I love you." By the time Dom and gail teleported away, he had already rejoined the fight. His first sight was of Vindicator, whose second head was torn off by a blast from Copperfield. In his rage, the Godling 'Moung Men threw his sword at the enemy, only to see it bounce off.

Catching the sword in the air, Impulse made a run at Copperfield. Seeing his objective, Hank and hellgirl lent support, firing lightning bolts and lead slugs to distract the madman. Taking advantage of the opening his teammates provided, Impulse drove the sword into Copperfield's right eye. Faster than light, the speedster spun the sword around the eye, gouging it out. As he leapt away, the empty socket began to glow with the strange blue energy.

Goldenager was the first hit: the hero looked down to see his body disappearing and strange colors spreading across his chest. In a few moments he was an exact copy of Action Comics #1, his pages flapping as a gust of wind carried him down the street.

Spiff was surprised to find himself as a small blond boy with a 50¢ haircut. He was even more surprised to see Film Freak disappear. Looking over, Spiff saw a little white dog chewing on a red cape. Krypto, the Superdog, had arrived!

Copperfield shook his head and laughed. "Now that was foolish of you, my young impulsive friend."

Chapter 26: Run Through
Voice in the Helm: Nope

Impulse raised his head, eyes narrowing. Lightning crackled down the length of the Stormsword.

"You're dead," he hissed. "You are so googin' dead."

Copperfield laughed. "Try your luck, punk."

"I'm more a ska man, myself," snapped Imp. He charged, the young man vanishing in an explosion of speed. The silver point leapt for Copperfield's chest...

...and through it, to a howl of mocking laughter as the wizard turned intangible. There was an audible crunch as Impulse ploughed into a series of magic walls, sliding to a halt in a pile of rubble and a rising dust cloud. The young speedster struggled once to pull himself up, then slumped, motionless.

The Stormsword dropped from his limp grip.

"Impulse!" Babs screamed, Pee Bee fluttering around her. She swung towards the wizard. "You bastard. You googin' bastard." Hank dived forward, grabbing her by the shoulders before Babs could throw herself at their enemy.

"Your point being?" sneered Copperfield.

The unmistakable clink of chain-mail armour sounded behind them. The jukebox ghost still in the CD player at her waist, hellgirl stepped up onto a pile of rubble, raising her gun, one arm crossed over the other.

Copperfield looked her up and down. "I guess I forgot about you."

hellgirl sighted down the barrel, arming the weapon.

"What? No dramatic speech? No 'this is the end for you, villain'?" giggled Copperfield.

hellgirl's hand squeezed the trigger. The recoil jerked the gun up, and she forced it back, squeezing off a second and a third shot.

"Tut tut tut." The swirling energy blasts paused in the air before the wizard. "I would have expected more from you, hellgirl. Where's your sense of the dramatic?" He gestured, sending the blasts back. Unable to dodge in time, hellgirl was ripped limb from limb. The smashed CD player bounced off the blood splattered stone.

"hellgirl," gasped Jason.

"Who's next?" asked Copperfield. "The boy? The dog? The amazon?"

"I say thee nay," growled Hank!

"'Nay'? Realllly? And how do you intend to stop me?" Copperfield gestured. "With your friend perhaps, cowering under a rock."

"I'm not exactly cowering," muttered G'Nort. With a glance from the wizard he faded into the shadows and out of the story.

"A little kid who's lost his stuffed toy?" Spiff, sniffling, faded from view. "A comic?" Goldenager blew away on the wind. "A depleted thunderbolt?" Pee Bee ignored him, continuing to buzz around Babs, talking quickly. "A love lost Amazon?" She growled, readying her weapons. Copperfield sneered, walking towards Hank!, his footsteps leaving flaming pits in the rubble. "A neurotic Green lantern?" Jason shuddered. "Or perhaps this powerless mortal woman?"

"Powerless? I'll show you powerless!" Babs raised her arms skywards, fists clenched. Pee Bee slashed around her, covering Babs in a spiral of lightning as she titled her head back and screamed "MOPE!!!"

The light of the transformation filled J Street. When it cleared, a new Captain Pantheon was standing among them, glowing with an inner light.

Copperfield stared down at her silently.

And all he did was laugh...

Chapter 27: Last Stand
Voice in the Helm: Nope again

Amy, Hank!, Jason and the new Captain Pantheon slowly moved in on Copperfield, Krypto barking at their feet.

The wizard ignored them, continuing to laugh hysterically.

"We can take him," hissed Amy.

Jason raised his ring, hesitantly. "Are you sure? I didn't think anyone could take out hellgirl but--"

Krypto's barking got louder as the super-dog began running round and round in circles.

"What the--?" began Captain Pantheon.

Copperfield stopped laughing. No trail off, just a sudden, abrupt silence. He lowered his head, glaring at a point above Krypto's head as the air began to shimmer.

An explosion of light and sound drowned at their reactions as a spatial rift ripped open above Grendel's Pond and disgorged a giant glowing figure into the ruins. It's apathetic gaze swept slowly across them, before it finally spoke.

"We are Bored. Resistance is futile. However," and a slight, almost imperceptible grin flickered across Bored's features, "as it may make things more interesting, you're welcome to try."

Copperfield bellowed in rage, raising both hands, palms vertical. They began to pulse with a bright blue energy that steadily increased in intensity. Bored turned slowly, casually towards him. The trail of the power blast seared itself across the watchers eyes, and they had to blink a few times before they could see that it...

...had no effect whatsoever.

The second blast passed through him as easily as the first, spiralling into the spatial rift. "No," sighed Bored. "I guess it won't make things more interesting after all."

As Copperfield prepared to strike again, a second figure stepped from the rift.

"You!" gasped Copperfield. "It's been you all along!"

"Who?" asked Captain Pantheon.

"Richard," smiled Hank! "Richard, the Spectre."

"Retribution," said Richard softly.

"Never," yelled Copperfield. "We had a deal! A promise, by the Presence! None of you god types would interfere! None!! You can't break your promise!!!"

"They promised you that," agreed Richard. His eyes darkened as he raised his arm, holding one hand out, palm up and open. "They did promise." He turned his palm down.

"But I did not."

And he clenched his fist...

Chapter 28:
Voice in the Helm: Jason

And then...they came from nowhere. Heroes after heroes, some who had not shown up since the Beginning, some who drifted apart from J Street and the Pantheon, and some who just felt like piling on Copperfield.

Like the Shade, for instance. "Sorry. I guess I had to miss the party!"

"NNOOOO!!!!" shouted the mad mage, as Iron Sun and Cyberlad belted him. "It wasn't supposed to be like this! All my plans...gone!"

They kept coming. Jason found enough energy to form two machine guns, and kept firing at Copperfield's head.

And still they came. Being a being of extraordinary power kept Copperfield conscious just a while longer...

Soon, he was out. And the Pantheon had won.

"VICTORY!!" shouted Hank, at the top of his Rather Mighty Lungs.

"We did it!"
"WHoo-hoo!"
"You go, boyo!"
"But...but I rather liked his stage show."
"It was so long in coming..."
"You doof...this was Earth-C Copperfield."
"Oh. Forget I said anything."
"Um...excuse me?"
"Could never have done it without you...Hanky Panky."
"May...may I have your attention, please"
"Dare ya to pee on the archvillain."
"Dare me? Dare you!!"
"Evening, everybody..."
"NOORRMM!!"

"WOULD EVERYBODY SHUT THE GOOG UP FOR A FEW GOOGING MINUTES??!?"

The crowd stop. On the chest of Copperfield...was a bug.

"Hi. Don't know if you remember me," he started, as the rest of the crowd edged closer. "My name's fly on the wall. Well, it WAS fly on the wall. I got turned into a roach. So, I guess it's 'roach on the floor' now."

Jason sighed. "Is there a point?"

"YES! Listen...we got a villain here, but...what the heck are you guys going to do with him?"

There was silence for a half a minute. Then Amazon spoke.

"He must die. For all of Existance, he must die for his crimes."

She unsheathed a sword, and approached the body. Babs intercepted her.

"Amy...honey...listen, we know you've been through a lot, but all life is sacred."

"Bull. Because of him, my friends are dead, many are dying...he must perish."

Amy's path was blocked by Babs. Meanwhile, Jason picked up his shovel.

"What are you doing, Jason?" noted Richard.

"What's gotta be done. I've...never killed before, but I have to do this."

"But...are you concerned about the repercussions?"

Jason came closer, sizing up Copperfield's neck with the edge of the shovel. "Look, Spectre, if I'm going to Hell for this son of a bitch, I'll go happy knowing he's waiting for me there."

As he raised the shovel, two dark tendrils latched onto his arm.

"SHADE?!?"

"Let it go, Jason. Just...let it go."

"NEVER!!"

Soon, the heroes were not merely talking, but arguing what to do with the magician.

"Kill him."
"Why?"
"Guys, whatever you do, at least let me crawl off the body first."
"It's the right thing to do."
"That's the reason for eating oatmeal, stupid."
"TASTE GREAT!"
"LESS FILLING!"
"I am still bored. On the verge of excited, but still bored."
"Man...it's been a long time."
"Me too...whatever happened to Aquaman?"

"HOLD!!"

The crowd turned their eyes on one lone figure.

"I hath made my decision."

Hank raised the StormSword to the air.

"And I have no regrets."

In a spilt second, the sword came down. None of the assembled heroes had the speed, strength, or durability to stop the Godling 'Mongst Men from putting an end to the life of David Copperfield.

"STOP!!!"

Except one...