The Real Story On Why Darth Vader Has To Wear That Life Support Suit

By: KD

A longer time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

A Light Side Jedi Master and his apprentices are walkind through a meadow
towards their academy. Before them lie dark, foreboding woods, and in their
path stands Darth Vader, who has just recently become a Dark Lord of the
Sith. Even without his black suit, he looks formidable, but the Jedi walks
up to him...

Vader - "None shall pass."
Jedi - "What?"
Vader - "None shall pass."
Jedi - "I have no quarrel with you, Vader, but my students and I must pass
through this forest."
Vader - "Then you shall die!"

(Both men draw their lightsabers and start a furious attack on noe another.
Then, Vader charges at the Jedi, who neatly slices off Vader's left arm)

Jedi - "Now stand aside worthy opponent!"
Vader - "It's just a scratch."
Jedi - "A scratch? Your arm's off!"
Vader - I've had worse."
Jedi - "You lie!"
Vader - "Come on you pansy!"

(They continue to fight, and through a trick of the Force, the Jedi hacks
off Vader's other arm)

Jedi - "Victory is mine!" (kneels down) "Thank the Force that I was able to
defeat..."
Vader - (kicks the Jedi and knocks him down)"Come on!"
Jedi - (gets up) "You are indeed brave, Vader, but the fight is mine!"
Vader - "Oh, had enough, eh?"
Jedi - "Look you stupid piece of bantha fodder, you've got no arms left!"
Vader - "It's just a flesh wound." (starts to kick again)
Jedi - "Stop that!"
Vader - "Chicken, CHICKEN!"
Jedi - "Look, I'll have your leg!"
Vader - (makes a raspberry sound)
Jedi - "So be it!" (hacks off Vader's right leg)
Vader - "I'll get you for that!" (hops towards the Jedi and knocks against
him repeatedly)
Jedi - "You'll what?"
Vader - "Come here!"
Jedi - "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"
Vader - "I'm invincible! The dark knight always triumphs! I'm going to get
you!"

(the Jedi makes a disgusted face and cleaves Vader right in half)

Vader - (top half sitting on the ground) "All right, we'll call it a draw."
Jedi - (gestures to apprentices, who have been cowering behind a tree)
"Come my students!" (they enter the forest)
Vader - "Oh, I see, running away, eh? You yellow nerf herders, come back
here and take what's coming to you...I'll bite your legs off!"

Not long after this encounter ended, some Imperial Scout Troops found Vader
and took him back to the Executor. The medics patched him up, a prosthetic
arm here, a respirator there, and soon he was as good as new. As Ben Kenobi
later points out, "He's more machine now than man." And thus evolved Darth
Vader as we know him today.

(credit for the origin of this story is given to Monty Python and the Holy
Grail)