THE ADVENTURES OF WEDGE ANTILLES a.k.a. THE STAR WARS TRILOGY Author's note: The Adventures of Wedge Antilles is the *true* story of what happened in the movies-- by that I mean how Wedge destroyed both Death Stars, killed the Emporer, etc. etc. etc. Well, enough talk, let's get on with this adventure into the heart of truth... CONTENTS Section 1: A New Hope 1.1: Tatooine 1.2: Escape from the Death Star 1.3: The Battle of Yavin Section 2: The Empire Strikes Back 2.1: The Battle of Hoth 2.2: Escorting Transports 2.3: Protecting Han and Leia 2.4: Saving Lando and Leia from Bespin Section 3: Return of the Jedi 3.1: Rescue of Han Solo 3.2: Death Star Recon Mission 3.3: The Forest Moon 3.4: Destruction of the Second Death Star Section 4: Wedge Cut Scenes 1: A New Hope 1.1 Tatooine As we all know, the farmboy grew up on Tatooine, blah blah blah. OK, let me explain some things. First of all, Han did not kill Greedo. He missed. It was the Great One, orbiting Tatooine, who noticed some smuggler in trouble. So being the nice guy and awesome shot that he is, he shot through the cantina ceiling, killing the Rodian. When Luke, Ben, Han, and Chewie were escaping, they did not go unaided. Wedge destroyed several of the TIE fighters chasing them, and drew off one of the ISDs, which he would destroy as soon as the Falcon took the jump to hyperspace. He just didn't want to hurt the innocent freighter. 1.2 Escape from the Death Star It came to pass that Wedge was pretty tired after that affair with the destroyer-- he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and he had taken cold medicine earlier. He needed a place to rest, so naturally he chose the most peaceful planet in the galaxy: Alderaan. Well, we all know what happened then. Wedge came out of hyperspace a minute before the Falcon, and quickly disposed of a TIE fighter squadron and a frigate that were patrolling the area, except for one fighter that retreated. He didn't see Alderaan anywhere, so he went to ask directions at the small moon nearby. Just as he pulled into the hangar, he picked up that same stock light freighter on his sensors. Once inside the death star, Wedge realized it was an Imperial base, so he kept his repulsorlifts on and hovered above the waiting troopers, raining laser fire upon them. Squad after squad came near, and he blew all of 'em away. That explains the lack of stormtroopers on the biggest Imp headquarters in the galaxy. As soon as Wedge noticed the tractor beam was down, he flew out, but not before destroying a few pesky assault shuttles that happened to cross his path. All that made him pretty hungry, and he heard the Alliance base on Yavin IV served great bantha burgers, so he headed off that way. 1.3 The Battle of Yavin When the Great One arrived at the Massassi temple, he had about twenty minutes to enjoy a fresh bantha burger before he was called to a mission briefing. He sat down at his usual place in the back of the room, and some wide eyed kid came and sat next to him. Wedge made a sarcastic remark about how the target area was "too small." The farm boy turned to him and started to babble on about rats, so Wedge went to talk to his R2 unit. Wedge joined the X-Wings flying to the death star, and sarcastically commented about how "big" the death star was. As soon as the battle began, he pulled off from the main group and disposed of a group of TIEs and an escort frigate quickly to give the other pilots a little breathing room. The Great One then heard a plea of help from the obviously-incompetent pilot Red 5. Wedge felt pity (being the great guy that he is) and blew away the pesky TIE that was tailing the farm boy. He then watched as Gold group failed its attack run, and part of Red group dove in. He was starting to get bored watching, so (being ever-vigilant) he checked his sensors. A star destroyer had finally come, rounding the horizon of the battle station. Red 2 quickly switched to torpedoes, and dodging past TIE fighters and bombers that had been launched, fired 5 of them at the ISD's bridge. The enemy ship's reactor core began a meltdown, and all enemy fighters were caught in the blast that eventually came. Soon, the Great One had replenished his torpedo supply by one, using the torpedo he kept under the cockpit seat. He dove into the trench with the "Desert Duo" and was the first to pick out the TIEs approaching. Vader, using all force energy he could muster, fired continuously at Wedge until Wedge thought up one of the most brilliant plans the galaxy has ever known. Wedge moved directly into the line of fire, taking a minor hit. He then gave some lame excuse and pulled out of the trench, but soon fell back in behind the enemy craft. He saw Red 3 die, and then lined up the perfect shot that would take all enemy fighters out of the game. Just when it looked like Red 5 was done for, Wedge jumped out of the trench and fired at a 45 degree angle, destroying 1 TIE, and sending the other two careening away-- one into the wall. However, Han Solo arrived at that exact moment and fired lasers at that exact moment-- but at a mynock. Solo really hates mynocks, so he yelled "YEE-HAW!!" Solo then told Wedge to finish the job (you think he was talking to Luke? that kid couldnt hit the ground if he was laying on it), so Wedge fired his last torpedoes out of range of the computer, yet they scored a remarkable hit. Oh yeah, Luke fired his, but they missed and hit a space slug. Of course, all movie-watchers now believed the job had been done by Han and Luke due to poor editing. 2: The Empire Strikes Back 2.1: The Battle of Hoth We all know what happened here. Alliance "hero" Luke Skywalker led a defense assault on Imperial walkers. Of course, he was never able to get off a shot because he stunk so bad he was hit in the first twenty seconds of the battle, losing up-and-coming gunner Dack in the process. Wedge then took the initiative, and with the help of the best gunner in the Alliance (besides the the Great One, of course), Janson, blew up an AT-AT before Rogue "leader" and Rogue 2 were destroyed, leaving the command up to Wedge. He immediately switched to attack pattern omega, and although the shield was already down, they were able to destroy 3 more walkers and delay the arrival of Vader considerably. 2.2: Escorting Transports Wedge and Rogue group now had to escort Rebel transports. As Our Hero, Janson, and Luke flew with the two transports through the atmsophere, Wedge thought up a brilliant tactic. When they passed within striking distance of the Executor, Wedge locked s-foils in attack position and strafed the SSD, causing it to retreat in his wake; he also temporarily disabled it. He held it there for a few more minutes and destroyed part of the TIE escort before heading after the Millenium Falcon to make sure Princess Leia escaped safely. 2.3: Protecting Han, Leia, and Chewie Wedge flew just below the belly of the destroyer that was tailing the Falcon, destroying TIEs as they emerged. Soon, however, his lasers ran dry after he racked up 28 kills. He then blew by the surviving TIEs and hid behind an asteroid, still wanting to stay unknown to the Imperials. When an enemy fighter would fly close to an asteroid, Wedge would fire a torpedo, making it look as if the fighter had crashed. He ran out of torps pretty fast though, so he latched on to the star destroyer's hull, and then watched smiling as Han pulled the same trick a little bit later. When the Falcon detached, so did Wedge, and as we all know, so did Boba Fett. The Slave 1 would have caught the Falcon had it not been for the heroic intervention of the Great One, who attacked the infamous bounty hunter with no weapons whatsoever. Wedge flew circles around Fett for an hour, until the Slave 1 ran out of weapons energy from firing (and missing) at the elusive snub fighter pilot. They then began to race to Bespin, but they tied, both getting there several hours before the ailing Falcon. 2.4: Saving Lando and Leia from Bespin As the Great One and Fett flew into the atmosphere together Wedge decided he was not going to give up without a fight-- Boba Fett had the same idea. Handing over control of his X-Wing to his R2 unit, he opened the hatch a crack and began firing with his blaster pistol at the Slave 1, while Boba fired at Wedge through a hole that Wedge made in the windshield. Fett landed on a platform where Imperials met him, while the Great One flew upside down and latched onto the bottom of the city, then climbed along the infrastructure into the home of an Ugnaught where he bought some power cells and began recharging his ship's lasers. Once Wedge found out the location of Leia and Han, he rushed to warn them. Unfortunately, 4 squads of stormtroopers that surrounded him slowed him down considerably, although he was able blast his way through this temporary barricade. When he arrived, all he found was Vader, who quickly recognized Wedge as the pilot he had met at the first Death Star. Vader got down on his knees and began to beg for mercy, so Wedge just kicked Darth in the head, which significantly lowered the morale of the troops looking on. (Did i exaggerate there?... nah!) Wedge tore through the halls, and came around behind Boba Fett as the bounty hunter was firing at Luke. Wedge grabbed Fett and slammed him into the wall, then ripped his helmet off and punched him in the face. Having accomplished that, he ran off in pursuit of Chewie and Leia. Wedge had to fight through brigades of Imperial troops once again, and by the time he got to where he thought they would be, they were gone. Wedge then headed to Boba's platform in an attempt to save Han, but he was only able to kill some STs, not Boba Fett himself. The Great One, being as perceptive as he is, climbed down to his X-Wing, knowing all the while he would have to cover the Falcon's escape. He fought TIEs bravely, but there were 4 or 5 that got by this human firewall. Luckily, Chewbacca was a good enough pilot to elude the fighters until Wedge caught up with them. Fianlly, after all that work, they arrived at the Medical Frigate where the Great One was treated for a nasty blister on his trigger finger. 3: Return of the Jedi 3.1: Rescue of Han Solo Our Hero was in Jabba's palace the entire time. He arrived with Lando, but Wedge blew his cover early on when Boba Fett noticed him and they brawled for an hour. After he was finally subdued (by Jabba's full complement of guards), he was put in the rancor pit to fight the dreaded rancors (yeah, rancors. there used to be 7.). Wedge ran around stepping on their feet and when they would bend down to grab their foot he would punch them out. This trick worked six times until 10 guys with riot guns came and knocked the Great One out. He awoke later in his cell on Jabba's sail barge, so he kicked down the door and beat up the guards. When he came to the deck, he saw a battle going on, so he called his R2 unit to fly the X-Wing over. It arrived just in time, for a legion of battle skiffs was approaching, but Wedge just blew 'em all away. He turned his ship around and saw the battle was about to end with a bang so he rescued Max Rebo and his band and brought them to Mos Eisley. 3.2: Death Star Recon Mission Usually the Bothans get the credit for finding out about the death star. However, few people know that Wedge led the team. He put all the Bothans in a Corellian Corvette while he stayed in his X-Wing (conveniently disguised by duct taping black solar panels onto the s-foils.) Of course, the Bothans got blown away in a couple seconds, but Wedge was still able to retaliate, claiming a "weapons malfunction that lasted twenty minutes and made me point at TIE fighters." He entered a death star hangar and asked a lieutenant for the plans. Thinking Wedge was Imperial (he does have a British Isles accent), he handed them over. The Great One then blew his cover by yelling "Sucker!" and beating up some officers, then by throwing thermal detonators into stormtrooper barracks. He escaped with a stubbed toe. 3.3: Forest Moon (Note: this takes place at the same time as the Battle of Endor) Things Wedge did: Leia didn't shoot the stormtrooper that came up to her after she was shot. That was Wedge, firing from the atmosphere and bouncing his lasers off the blast door behind her. The shield generator wasn't destroyed by those weak and puny charges-- you guessed it, Wedge fired torpedoes from the atmosphere once he realized the battle was going too slow. 3.4: Destruction of the Second Death Star Wedge hypered in with everybody else, and sarcastically made fun of Lando by mocking his somewhat late realization of the death star shield being up. When they engaged the fighters, Wedge was the first to reach the century mark in kills, achieving his 100th by forcing a TIE to crash into a hangar bay. He also bumped off 2 star destroyers, and he took down the shields of the Executor with a long range torpedo shot. Of course, part of Wedge's plan for Luke was to fire his lasers at the window of the death star, killing the Emporer, Vader, and Luke all in one hit. However, the Emporer was able to deflect these shots with his weenie force skills. Once inside the death star, Wedge destroyed six TIE interceptors by bouncing lasers off of reflective tubing. He also stopped and fired a torpedo straight up from the polar opposite of the DS, hitting the Emporer as he fell. As we all know, Wedge blew up the death star, not Lando, and he was "already on my way out"-- before he even fired. In order to save Lando (sometimes he regrets that), he jettisoned his fire extinguishers, giving the Falcon that extra second needed to survive. Afterwards, he didn't party much, but instead he rounded up the remaining Imperial ships to be disabled. 4: Wedge Cut Scenes (Note: these are scenes that were cut from the movies-- not small clips of Wedge blowing stuff up.) 1: On Tatooine, when Luke was talking to Biggs, Wedge walked by and laughed at them. 2: At the Battle of Yavin, when Biggs said: "Porkins, cover me!" Wedge began to laugh hysterically and momentarily lost control of his ship. 3: The line: "Right with you boss." was originally "Yeah, right. Sure I'm with you, 'boss.'" 4: Originally, there were two extra awards scenes: one where Wedge got 33 different medals for heroism, valor, etc.(cut for time), and a scene where a huge medal was lowered by 3 corvettes to Wedge (cut for special effects cost). 5: In the Battle of Hoth, Wedge and Janson originally landed and began throwing snowballs at Darth Vader, calling him a "pansy." 6: When Han was unfrozen, Wedge originally was supposed to unfreeze him with a box of matches-- cut because of time. 7: There originally was a scene in the Battle of Endor where Wedge got bored of dogfighting and began flying around smashing TIEs in his s-foils. 8: When Luke was talking to Anakin Skywalker as other people ran away, Wedge was supposed to walk by in a conductor's outfit, pull out a gold watch, and say: "Betty hurry, son. Train leaves in 5 minutes." AND THAT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!