Kitten

Before I headed out for the usual afternoon walk the next day, I hopped into my little car and went to the grocery store. I went to the pet section for the first time in my life and bought some chicken flavored cat treats. Everybody likes chicken right? I ate it for dinner most every night and I liked it well enough. So I was walking as usual, and was surprised to see the little kitten sitting just off of the sidewalk as if it was waiting for me or something. It looked up with those big ol' kitten eyes again, which resulted in this big idiot grin spreading across my face. I reached into my jacket pocket and produced one of the cat treats that I had purchased. About to give it to the fluffy white kitten, I stopped -- if I fed the thing it would probably follow me home. I sat there for a moment pondering the consequences. I'd have to feed it and clean up after it. If it got sick I'd need to take it to the vet. I'd heard both good and bad stories from other cat owners -- you had the cat who instantly was at your feet when you came in, you had the cat who curled up at your feet when you needed a friend, you had the one that clawed up your arm and had to be put out. I figured, you know, what the hell. How hard could it be? I made a truly momentous decision and put the treat on the ground. The cat's eyes got even bigger (how cute!!) and it darted over to snatch up the treat. While it nibbled I stroked the kitten on the head, being careful of its little ears, and I talked to it.

"Do you like that, huh? I can bring you more if you want, if you like it. Do you like it?"

Of course, being a cat, the creature was unable to respond except by purring steadily. I tell you what, I was really impressed that I could get the cat purring. People say I look like a felon or something. Thankfully this kitten was going to give me a chance anyway. When it had finished the treat, it mewed and licked its paws daintily. Then it rubbed up against my leg. A truly casual thing for someone who owns a cat, but for me -- I was super amazed. Overjoyed, I bent down to pick up the kitten -- but out of the corner of its eye, it saw me. It leapt playfully away from me and looked back. I caught that teasing spark in its eye again just before it bounded off into the bushes. I stood for a minute in the cool breeze, listening to leaves rustle overhead...then I just shrugged and went home. I just had to be patient.

Day after day I walked by and fed the kitten. I pet it and talked to it, and gradually we became comfortable with one another. Weeks went by and the kitten was sitting in my lap while I pet it. It was really neat, having a kitten that knew my footsteps and came when I called it. I kind of thought I could get used to the idea of having a kitten.

Then school got out and I got a job.

My walks were less frequent and usually after dark now. I fed my kitten every chance I could get, you know, now that it was used to me it probably needed me to take care of it. Where else would it get food? Who else was going to feed it? Things went pretty well at first. But then I was kinda dissatisfied with the whole situation. Here I was feeding this cat, right? And so there it is, and here I am, and I figured maybe I should just up and take it home with me. I figured it would be the best way to insure that nothing happened to the kitten. Big world out there and all. Maybe it would be uncomfortable at first, all that would go away though once the kitten got used to its new surroundings. So one day, I come and feed the kitten after work. It sits in my lap, purring gently...so I picked it up. Briefly, the kitten was perfectly cool with the whole deal. I started to head on home. One block passed, and the kitten stopped purring. Two blocks, and I hear this feeble "mew". Man, it was heartbreaking, I tell you what -- so I started walking faster. My thoughts were centered on getting the cat in the house, the kitten would be cool once I got to the house. I was pretty sure about that. Gut feeling. Intuition, even. So I kept going, even though the kitten feebly struggled in my strong arms. Then there it was, the front door.

I stopped for a minute, somewhat out of breath underneath the porch light. Made it! I was confident now and happy with my genius plan -- then I felt these little pinpricks. The kitten's claws were tightly gripping through the fabric of my t-shirt. I looked down and found its eyes darting everywhere, scared, frightened -- the kitten was obviously terrified. Then its eyes found mine, and communicated immediately the terrible thing I had done without even realizing it. I was more than a little confused at this point. I figured, you know, kittens are pretty simple -- if it purrs it's happy. If it doesn't, it's not. If it shivers and digs its claws into your chest, that's a bad thing. But why was it so upset? I was going to be here to protect it and all that jazz, I mean come on, I'm a decent guy and stuff. I wasn't going to put old beer in its water dish and feed it corn flakes.

I kinda thought about it for a minute, and then it hit me. Unfamiliar territory. The kitten's domain was a few blocks down the road, pretty far from here in kitten-miles. Here it was in some strange part of the neighborhood with some dude it didn't really know all that well when you really get down to it...ok. Snap decision time. I could throw it into the house and hope for the best, but I knew that would probably result in one of those cats that darts off to hide under the bed when you walk in the room. I could be really persuasive with the cat treats -- somebody told me the best way to get to a kitten is through its stomach -- but that didn't seem right either. Let the thing go? Now, there's one to think about.

Time stood still for a moment, but the kitten made the decision for me -- I saw something like pain in its eyes. Sadness. I had all these worries, like, if I set the kitten down it would run away and never be seen again. Or perhaps it would dart into traffic and get run over, and then, you know, I'd feel really bad. Or, heaven forbid, someone else might start feeding it -- and then it's not my kitten anymore. My kitten. The word "my" is a possessive term. I guess I felt like it was mine, I that may be the whole problem here. The thing of it is, and this is a really big deal for cats, you don't own the cat -- the cat owns you. Seems kinda backwards, but it's not. Think about it, you know, if the cat doesn't think it belongs to you, well, then you don't own the cat. If it thinks it belongs to you, that means is that you also belong to the cat. It's definitely a kind of two way deal.

I was sure of the right thing to do with the frightened kitten, but it was still hard letting go. The funny part of it was that once I unwrapped my arms from around the kitten, it clung to my shirt for a second. I had to remove it and place it on the ground. As I feared, it ran away towards where it used to live. But then it stopped and turned around to face me. It sat down for a minute and regarded me silently, tail flicking back and forth. Then, in an instant before it turned around again, I saw a glint in its eye -- a glint I hadn't noticed for a long time, now that I really thought about it. Then the kitten was gone. No, the cat was gone. I think it was a cat the whole time now that I understood that glint. Yeah, I figured it out finally -- that cat's got a streak of something in it that I like to call independence. Maybe a free spirit. Probably both. I think that all cats do -- I mean, look at them compared to dogs, you know? -- but that glint, I've never seen that before. I still felt pretty lousy that night, but I woke up feeling really refreshed, and I just felt really good that I figured that stuff out. Sometimes it seems like I might be the only one around, but I think maybe not. Who knows for certain.

You know, I still see that cat when I walk home from work these days. I've seen other people stop to pet it and stuff, and that's cool. One of these days I think it'll even leave that block, maybe go home with somebody who's been feeding it. Well, I'll miss it of course, but I guess that the cat just didn't feel like it owned me or something. If I keep my eyes open, I know there's other cats around who are looking for a home, or just someone to sit and talk to 'em.

Cats are actually pretty easy to figure out if you let 'em do their own thing. But they're kinda weird at the same time. You know?

Peace.
Andrew W. 10/18/99

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