THE LONG ROAD HOME

by Melissa Boberick

Dear reader: If you have not read "Planet of Twilight", you will find this story to be something of a spoiler. I have chosen to ignore anything that happened after that particular novel (not because I didn't enjoy it, just for my own purposes). Here within the boundaries of my tale you will find no space battles, no super weapons, no returned Grand Admirals and no Dark Jedi. I have instead chosen to tell the story of how Luke might make the journey from Callista to Mara, and what happens along the way. And since I have always been baffled as to why two twins as close as Leia and Luke are supposed to be never seem to share any real "moments", Leia figures prominently here on many occasions. Special thanks to my first beta-tester Winter1138 for reading and bugging me for new sections to keep me going, to Marlene JK, the edit queen, with many thanks for the suggestions for the epilogue, and to other members of the ClubJade listserv for encouragement. New title creativity due, with great thanks, to Erin, also known as AntiChem! Comments are requested and welcome to Leigh428@aol.com.

**This story is dedicated to the memory of Christopher Divel, who introduced me to the possibility for obsession inherent in all filmed science fiction.**

**Based on characters and situations created by George Lucas, copyright Lucasfilm Ltd. Not for sale, no copyright infringement intended. Please request permission before circulating this fiction in any way.**

On Yavin Four, the planet awoke long before its few inhabitants had slept more than a few hours. The jungles that made up the majority of the surface area were thriving, breathing, teeming with all sorts of creatures and indigenous plant life, underground, above ground and in the air. Much of it was wild and overgrown, for the planet would grow according to its own will. Those who had chosen to live there had done so with this knowledge clear in their minds, and, indeed, this had been a factor in the choice when originally made so many years ago. The planet objected to any disturbance in its chosen growth, and manifested this dislike in a mass tangle of plants that wrapped around the stone temples and rough dwellings that dotted the surface. On this dark, early morning, a thick, humid haze hung in the air as the sole humanoid inhabitants stole what sleep they could.

A shadow moved across the face of the temple that served as the primary dwelling, and a lone figure paced back and forth slowly, head bent deep into the cowls of his black robes. His outward calm was a reflection on the tight control that reigned within him, the absolute and total lock he had on the emotions that rose and swelled within him. He was determined that nothing further would disturb the much needed rest of the others. He had already made the mistake once of allowing his feelings to broadcast on a wide range, and only succeeded in plunging the entire group into depression. The regret for that total lack of control on his part he shoved to the side, along with the despair and anger he was trying to keep a damper on.

"Do or do not, Skywalker, there is no try...remember?"

Luke whirled around in shock, hood falling back from tousled blonde hair, hand moving reflexively to the lightsaber that hung at his belt. With narrowed eyes, he peered through the mist towards the direction of the voice. In the shadows of the temple, the black-clad figure of Mara Jade stood silently before him.

"I see you have been practicing, Mara."

Mara snorted softly. "An AT-AT could have sneaked up on you. Didn't you hear the 'Fire' land? You aren't exactly giving much attention to observation this morning, nor are you doing as good a job on locking down those feelings as you think. Several of your students are awake and aware, something you may want to consider as you are trying to get a grip on yourself." Her emerald eyes glittered across the glade at him as he grimaced in irritation at her statement. He knew he was causing a problem with his students, had known it for several days ...but the only alternative was departure from the Academy, and right now, he couldn't imagine being anywhere else. He wanted to be amongst his memories on the forest world he had called home for so many years now. He wondered, as an afterthought, what she was doing there, a thought he voiced aloud.

She stared silently at him a moment, then sat down under a tree with a slight shrug. "I was coming back anyway...the atmosphere in the Force only hastened the journey." She unfolded her legs into the moss with a sigh. "You are causing quite a Force disturbance, Skywalker...don't you think that's a problem?"

He turned away from her, eyes closing in frustration...at himself, for his inexcusable lack of control, at whoever had sent her, and at her, for the way she was looking at him. *How much of me is still on Nam Chorios? It's been a year,* he reminded himself. "Yes, Mara...yes...it is. I was thinking of leaving for awhile. I think it's time I had some time away from the students." He ran a hand along the back of his neck and whispered, "I just don't know where to go." Away from the temples, where they had waged joyful saber battles; away from the closet where her clothes still hung; from the feeling of her in the air and their holos in his desk; from the forests where they had lain beneath the green trees and..."What brings you back here, exactly?"

Mara regarded him from beneath the pile of red-gold hair that was carelessly pulled to the top of her head, and specifically ignored his question a second time. "I didn't know coming back here would bring me such peace. Apparently it has not done so for you."

Luke turned back towards her, gazing down at her with an unreadable expression on his face. *How much training has she been doing these past months? Or have I lost all control over my thoughts?* In turn, he ignored her comment. "You have come back to complete the training, I presume?" he asked, his words sounding strangely familiar. Her eyes met his and held, and she dampened her growing irritation with this man who was but half of the Jedi Master she knew, and chose to answer his question and wage the war of wills he was pushing her towards later.

"I was sent here, Skywalker, to fetch you to Coruscant. After that little trip is done I shall return here; Kyp's been expecting me for weeks but I've been delayed. At that time, yes, I will complete my training, or as much as I have time to do. I have been practicing these months with a friend but I have found that it is not enough."

"Kyp's been expecting you?" He was surprisingly hurt that she would choose to train under Kyp-true, his desire to teach was lessening daily, and Kyp was his greatest pupil, but-He shoved the feeling aside to deal with later and burst out, "Sent to fetch me? To Coruscant? By whom?" He cut off her attempted reply. "Leia. But why? She can't need me for anything. She has several Jedi stationed at the Palace. She has herself and her children, not to mention Han. She is linked to me by comm station and by the Force. And she has not attempted to contact me personally. If she wanted me there, she would ask me, she wouldn't send.." His voice trailed off as Mara's gaze hardened to green steel.

"No, finish it. She wouldn't send me. Well, I am sorry to inform you that I have spent the last six months on Coruscant, at your sister's request, and she did indeed ask me to come here. So if you'll get the rest of your monk's wardrobe together, I'll meet you back at the 'Fire'. " She rose sharply and began to walk off through the trees to the landing platform. Luke stepped forward and took hold of her forearm, forcing her to either turn back towards him or stumble. She chose the first. "Let go of my arm, Skywalker," she bit out.

Luke pulled his hand away but did not move away from her. "I am sorry; that was rude." He sighed and let his hand drop. "Why did she send you--or anyone? I could have easily flown to Coruscant myself."

Her eyes softened slightly. "Because you have been ignoring all transmissions from the Capitol! Your sister can't reach you through the Force, presumably because of your pathetic farmboy wallowing, and couldn't spare the time to come herself, otherwise it would be she on this side of your overwhelming hospitality, and not me. Apparently you have forgotten the approaching anniversary date, and your expected participation in the celebration. I was coming here anyway, as I said, and volunteered to get you in the meantime." She stared at him for several minutes, one eyebrow raised, until his face changed in the light of dawning knowledge.

"Endor," he breathed. "How could I have forgotten?" *Because you chose to ignore it,* he snapped at himself. *Because you are so wrapped up in your own personal misery everything else has become unimportant.* "A happy but painful time, for many reasons," he said quietly, almost to himself. Without a word he turned and strode into the temple towards his quarters, leaving Mara to hurry after him in disbelief. The mood swings of a temperamental Jedi, she fumed. This should be an interesting trip.

************************************************************

By the time she caught up with him, he had already reached his quarters. She nudged through the partially open door and stood inside the room for the first time. It was as she would expect, spartan and spare, a simple bed, a meditation cushion, several utilitarian cabinets, a worktable. The only decoration in the entire room was a large canvas hanging over the bed; a sand painting that showed a desert landscape. *Probably that backwater planet he came from,* Mara thought with a snort. Multiple black Jedi robes hung in the closet next to a few more colorful items she had never seen him wear. His head was buried in the clothes now, several items having already been carelessly tossed into the open flight bag on the bed. "Somewhere in the left hand cabinet are my medals, Mara...I suppose I'll be expected to have them. Could you get them out for me, please?" he called over his shoulder without looking around.

Mara moved to the indicated cabinet and opened the doors slowly. Inside was a hodgepodge of strange items...small tools, childish drawings obviously from the hands of his niece and nephews, several indistinguishable rocks, arranged carefully on a shelf...ah, and the medals, thrown carelessly in the corner, under...her hands stopped, coming to rest on a small holo, laid carefully in the drawer. Luke smiled out at her, joy in his expression, a relaxed quality to his body she had never seen as he sat beside Callista under a tree. Her hair was blown back in the wind, and she was looking at him with unabashed love from the corner of her eyes. Mara swallowed unsteadily, feeling like she was intruding on something sacred, despite her earlier disdain for his lack of control. Reflexively her fingers moved over the edges of the evidence of the last happiness to truly inhabit Luke's life.

"That was three months before she left," he said quietly from behind her.

Carefully Mara laid the holo back in the drawer and scooped up the handful of medals. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude," she began, turning to face him. She was prepared to face sorrow, but the emptiness in his eyes was completely unexpected.

"It's beyond sorrow now, Mara." He reached out and took his war prizes out of her hands, placing them on top of the clothes in the flight bag. Without another word, he picked it up and walked out of the room. After a moment she followed, closing the door quietly with only a quick look behind her in the direction of the open cabinet, a corner of the holo still visible.

**************************************************************

Hours later, Mara sat alone on the flight deck of her ship, staring out into the bright blurs that the stars became in hyperspace. While she usually spent this time sleeping, her body would not cooperate with her on this occasion. She sat quietly at a side table, a thankfully silent Artoo as her only companion, fingers wandering idly over the surface before her. Her hair fell over her face and she pushed it back with a sigh, fingers tangling in the red- gold masses, and thought of what had transpired in the last months. She had come to Coruscant on an ambassadorial mission for the Smuggler's Alliance, and as a courtesy had been invited to dinner at Han and Leia's apartment. This, she surmised, was as much a chore for them as it was for her, for they had never really gotten past civility. However, upon her arrival, the uncomfortable politeness had been banished in the wake of the twins, Jacen and Jaina, and young Anakin, who attached themselves to Mara with the friendliness of children and the insight of the Jedi knights they would eventually become. Conversation somehow wound from the Smuggler's Alliance, to the raising of children, to the chameleon like government strategies of the New Republic, to Jedi training, and eventually to Luke himself. Hours after her arrival, Mara found herself sitting with Skywalker's twin analyzing his character, of all things, for Leia was in despair over her brother's seclusion on Yavin and his failure to let her in, even through the Force. While Mara had no suggestions on what might improve Luke's state of mind, she offered to help Leia strengthen her hold on the Force that she might better try to reach him that way.

A tentative truce began the next morning when she met Leia in a practice room to begin what would be the first of many joint training sessions. A simple request to Talon Kaarde on behalf of the New Republic freed Mara from her immediate responsibilities, and she found herself remaining on Coruscant for almost six months. Her mutual dislike of Leia slowly evolved to tolerance, then appreciation, and finally, what she had to admit could only be genuine friendship, something Mara had never really experienced with another woman before. Leia applied the same diplomacy and open mind that had made her such a successful leader to her surprising new relationship, and Mara stepped away from her usual disdain of friendships in general and Leia specifically to see the woman for what she really was-and they were both astonished to find out how alike they really were. From there, it was only a matter of time.

When Callista had made her final choice on Nam Chorios to have no further contact with her brother, Leia had known that no matter what he said or how stable he pretended to be, that decision would have a serious and long-standing effect on him. She prepared herself for anger, for sorrow, for disbelief, for loneliness...but not for a total severing of their Force bond. However, she decided that she would allow him the solitude he needed to regain his strength and resolve, and let him alone. But as the anniversary of the battle of Endor-the true beginning of the New Republic-fast approached and celebrations were planned all over Coruscant, Leia became more and more agitated by Luke's apparent ignorance of her attempts at communication. Eventually, this agitation became such that she decided to go to Yavin and confront him with it personally.

Yet as the day of departure grew closer, it became more and more apparent that Leia would not be able to go to her brother as she wished. Preparations for the celebration became more and more demanding, as it would be one of the most important events to happen on the planet in years. After practice one morning she had quietly asked Mara if she would go in her place. Mara had been reluctant, as she and Luke had always had a very precariously balanced relationship, but was equally reluctant to upset the friendship she had spent months forming. Finally after about a week of repeated requests, Mara agreed to go to Yavin and bring him back, and then decided to return to the Academy to complete her training. It was a wise decision, she thought at the time, since there was nowhere in the galaxy she was more loath to be than Coruscant during the celebration of the downfall of the Empire. She may have joined the New Republic in spirit, but the memories of that time were still too painful to relive in such a fashion as the Council was planning. 'Luke cannot let Callista go, Mara,' Leia had said at the end. 'I am hoping that if I get him back here, I can help shake him out of it. Life goes on.'

"It goes on, yes, it endures...as it always will."

Mara's head jerked up in surprise to see Luke standing a few feet away from her in the center of the floor, hair mussed from sleep, his flight suit wrinkled and askew.

"I sleep lightly," he continued, "I am always aware of the Force. Emotions create Force disturbance, you know," he half-lectured. "You should learn to not let down your guard if you don't want to share information. So you and Leia have become close." It was a statement, not a question, and though she put out a light probe it was impossible to tell how he felt about it from the expressionless state of his face.

"Yes." She stared up at him from underneath her tousled hair. "Is that a problem for you?" *Watch it, Jade, you are way too defensive.*

Luke's face reflected surprise, as he crossed the few remaining feet and sat down across the table from her. "No, of course not, Mara...you two are of a like mind in many ways. I am surprised....but I am more surprised that Leia has been training, not that she has been training with you. Her position allows for few friends. I am grateful for every one she obtains. Loneliness is not something I wish for my sister."

"Just for yourself."

Luke looked away from her. "I do not wish it. I accept it."

Anger Mara didn't know she felt swelled within her, causing Luke to look up sharply. *Why are you so upset by that?* she berated herself. *If he wants to wallow, let him!* She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and then surprised them both by continuing, "Why? Why do you accept it? What reason is there for acceptance?"

"When one is denied what one wants, one accepts that one cannot have it."

Mara smacked a hand, open palm down on the table. "Don't chew up your Jedi garbage and then try to feed it to me, Skywalker. If you would stop reciting by rote and start feeling something for a change, you'd be a lot more interesting. I don't know where you got this convoluted idea of how a Jedi Master should act. If you look up 'Jedi' in the dictionary, it doesn't say 'person clad only in black. Must spend life exclusive of love and happiness'. If it did, you can bet I never would have signed up for lessons."

Luke met her flashing gaze clearly. "I have love from my family--"

"Your sister's family--"

He ignored her completely. "--and my work brings me contentment. I ask for nothing more from the Force. What I have is my destiny."

She stared up at him in disbelief. "Did someone drug you? That's a load of Bantha fodder and you know it! Who has foreseen your future? Don't bother to try and tell me you have, because you may be the most powerful known living Jedi, but that is beyond even your reach." She ran a hand irritably through her hair. *Careful, Mara, you're getting in over your head here.* "You know, I don't think even you believe half the stuff that comes out of your mouth. You're just reciting what you were taught was truth."

*So what I told you was true...from a certain point of view.*

Luke got up, this memory of Obi-Wan still ringing in his head, and strode across the room to the viewscreen, staring out into the starlines. Without turning, he said, "It is the truth that I live with, Mara. I believe it because it is happening. It is my destiny because I see no other." He spun, suddenly, to face her. "Why does this upset you so much? The last time I checked my happiness and general well-being were not top on the list of Jade urgencies. What's changed?"

Mara opened her mouth, then shut it abruptly. *What are you doing?* Being friends with Organa Solo was strange enough. Being friends with her brother was quite a different story...what was happening here? She turned her face away from him for a moment. True, the days had passed when she wanted nothing more than to see him dead; true, she had been strongly entertaining the idea of immersing herself in Jedi study--albeit not with him; and true, she was showing an awful lot of concern for his current frame of mind. *I knew I spent too much time with the Solos,* she thought wryly. *I'm even picking up their nauseatingly sweet concern for each other.* But seemingly without even thinking, she slid over on the bench.

He started at her voice in his mind, and for several long seconds neither one of them moved. Who was more surprised, no one could tell, but eventually Luke walked over and sat beside her, shifting his weight uncomfortably several times.

Mara glanced sideways, and continued when she saw his eyes fixated on a loose thread on his sleeve. "The idea of my being close to your sister is still...well, very strange. It was also unexpected." She looked down at her hands. "I haven't had a lot of friends in my life. The Emperor ensured that he had me to himself, so the ins and outs of relationships are a little unknown to me. No one was more uncomfortable than I was by your sister's request for me to come for you, and as you have already found out through your Force eavesdropping, I nearly didn't agree."

"Why did you?" asked Luke quietly.

*Why did I indeed?* she thought to herself, careful to shield it from him. *What is with me these past months? Growing soft am I.* She groaned internally. *Great. Now I'm even talking like his dead Master.*

"Mara?" he reached out and touched her hand briefly, but it was enough. She leapt to her feet, almost stumbling in her haste to stand. With a shiver, she stepped neatly away from the table and away from Luke. It worked; the moment was broken.

"I have to get some sleep. Think you and this tin trash can of yours can watch the readings, farmboy?"

His coolness quickly matched hers, in defense. "I think so. I saw a holofilm on it once."

She raised an eyebrow at his uncharacteristic sarcasm before striding from the room without a backwards glance. Luke ran a hand through his hair at Artoo's indignant series of beeps. "No, Artoo, she's mad at me...as usual. I just wish I knew why this time." He stood and walked to the flight chair, where he collapsed with a sigh. He couldn't wait to get to Coruscant. It had been easier when she had just wanted to kill him. At least then he understood her.

******************************************

Get your own Free Home Page