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This is the fourth part in the 'With a Little Help' Series. The first three parts are "Healing", "Friends" (both by myself) and "Worries" (by A.A.). I suggest you read those first because this story won't make that sense otherwise. A fifth part is on the way... Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all its characters are the property of Paramount Pictures. This story is a product of my imagination and as such is not intended as breach of current copyrights. I promise to return everyone nice and clean when I'm done playing with them... ;-)
Plans
When Tuvok entered Janeway's ready room, she noticed at once that he looked distinctly uncomfortable. He would have denied it of course -- after all, Vulcans didn't show emotions -- but she had known him long enough and well enough to be able to interpret even the slightest nuances. She motioned for him to sit which he declined, as she had known he would. It was an endless game between them. As a concession to his serious stance she moved her feet, which had been propped up on her desk, and swiveled around to face her chief of security directly. "Yes, Tuvok?" she finally gave him the cue he was waiting for. "Captain," he began, uncharacteristically searching for the right words to broach the delicate subject. "I have just become aware of certain... rumors circling on the ship." Janeway knew immediately where the conversation was headed. "Yes?" she prompted, struggling to decide between showing interest or feigning indifference. One would be just as bad as the other; she needed to stall, buy herself time to think. "What kinds ... exactly ... of rumors are we speaking about?" If Tuvok had been prone to fidgeting, he would have. Being the Vulcan he was however, he decided to get the matter over and done with at once. After all, that was only logical. "About you. And Commander Chakotay." A simple statement. He would leave it to her to draw the right conclusions. "Oh." Ignorance. That was it. She could pretend she'd never had the slightest suspicion. No sense in letting Tuvok know that not only did she tolerate, she even enjoyed most of the rumors she came across. "What do you think caused these rumors?" she asked, barely containing her amusement. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?" "Of course." Tuvok straightened. "You were flirting," he said simply. Feeling the need the further clarify his statement, he added, "More so than would be considered appropriate for the captain of a Federation starship and her first officer." *Trust it to a Vulcan to state it bluntly*, Janeway thought. He was right though. They had always been flirting, sometimes more, sometimes less, usually in front of the crew but never with any serious thoughts behind it. Over the past two weeks however, something had changed. Their flirting had become more intense, sometimes even bordering on sexual, especially when they were alone. And she could pinpoint exactly *when* it had changed.
Janeway's thoughts returned to that fateful afternoon in Chakotay's quarters, almost two weeks ago. His kiss had taken her completely by surprise. Her first instinct had been to struggle, push him away and flee, but deep down inside something told her that she was tired of battling, tired of pushing him away again and again. And so she just let go, losing herself in his embrace and his kiss. Her mind went blank, all her worries, regrets and pent-up emotions falling from her and leaving her light and free, floating on the sweet sensations of being held and kissed by someone who cared. She felt safe, warm and protected. Molding her body to his and kissing him back, she wished that he should never let her go. Chakotay ran his hand down Janeway's back, caressing her and gathering her closer to his body. He knew he had been taking a chance, surprising her like he had, but she had looked so vulnerable and forlorn that he just couldn't think of another method to show her how much he cared. It was quite a while before Chakotay finally broke the kiss and stepped back to look into Janeway's eyes. They were brimming with tears but she smiled, happier and more relaxed than he had seen her in days. He lifted his hand to wipe her tears away, but she shook her head and hugged him, laying her cheek against his chest. "Thank you," she whispered. "I needed that." He returned the hug and ran a hand through her hair. "I knew you did," he said simply. Then she stepped back, out of his embrace and his reach. "I'd better go now." Chakotay nodded. "You know where to find me if you need me." She seemed to seize him up, weighing his words and what they meant. Finally satisfied by what she saw she nodded. "Good night, Chakotay." Somehow his name sounded different in his ears, softer than usual. "Sleep well, Kathryn," he replied, wishing he could hug her again but not daring to invade her personal space once more. She still looked fragile, but not quite as vulnerable as before. Another nod, another long look, and she was gone, leaving him with a tingling sensation in his stomach and an ache in his heart.
Janeway's thoughts were jerked back to the present when Tuvok cleared his throat. She realized that he was still waiting for her reaction, and that her response was taking far too long already. "I'm afraid you're right, Tuvok. We've been overdoing it, and we shouldn't have. The whole atmosphere on the ship was so relaxed lately that I guess we got a bit carried away. I'm sorry. I'm sure the next emergency will take care of the problem." Her attempt at humor was met by Tuvok's unyielding glare. Janeway sighed. "All right, that wasn't funny. But I assure you that we'll keep it down from now on, so those rumors should die down as well." Tuvok nodded his approval. Believing the conversation to be over, Janeway turned to her computer screen. "If that is all...?" Tuvok didn't move an inch. "Actually, Captain, there is another matter I would like to discuss." Sighing inwardly, Janeway returned her attention to her chief of security. "Yes?" "The doctor approached me concerning the emotional well-being of the crew. He believes that the holodecks should be equipped with an extra security subroutine which would prevent crew members from disabling the safety protocols. Apparently there have been several cases of minor injuries which happened as a direct result of our recent encounter with the Hirogen and the emotional upheaval caused by the messages received from home. The doctor is afraid that more crew members could injure themselves in an attempt to purge their frustrations by running dangerous holodeck programs with the safeties off." *Very clever, Doctor*, Janeway thought. *Trying to get your way by following my orders to the letter. I did say you should consult Chakotay or Tuvok...* Out loud she said, "I will take it under consideration. Will that be all?" "Yes, Captain." "Very well. Dismissed." Tuvok turned and departed, leaving Janeway to ponder her thoughts. It did not surprise her that the doctor would not let the matter rest, and she could understand his reasons. After all, she herself had proven how easy it could be to give in to the temptation of disabling the safety protocols. Maybe his 'early warning system' wasn't such a bad idea after all. If they kept it in place and let the crew know about it, it might just to be enough to prevent further injuries. The knowledge of being supervised should keep most people from becoming too reckless, and if something did happen, the doctor would be alerted instantly. She would discuss it with Chakotay and get his opinion, but she was pretty sure he would approve. Chakotay. The mere thought of him made her heart skip a beat. She knew she was being unfair, leading him on without ever letting him get too close. She had been honest when she told him that she wasn't sure anymore what held her back, thoughts of what the crew might think or just her own fears. Maybe that was why she had been only too eager to respond to his flirting in a more and more reckless fashion, not caring who was around and who might hear. Truth to be told, she had secretly watched the crew's reactions, trying to gauge whether they would approve of a closer relationship between her and Chakotay. So far, everything indicated that she had nothing to fear from that quarter. That the rumors had increased only proved to her that people cared about her and Chakotay's happiness, and that they would support them wherever possible. Which left her with the old question: Why couldn't she take the last step? Then again, would it really be so hard? They were so close now, all they needed was just another small step, and they would be together. Janeway suddenly realized that it would indeed have to be her to take that step. Chakotay would never do it; no matter how much he wanted her and how often he told her that he loved her and cared about her. He would never press the issue, always reigning in his own frustrations, giving her space, like he had that afternoon in his quarters. Sometimes she wondered if they would already be lovers if he had been a little less considerate of her feelings and a little more forceful in making his own desires known. Sometimes he was just too much the gentleman. She laughed out loud, just then realizing that one moment she had been questioning the possibility of them ever becoming more than just close friends, and then next she had been silently chastising Chakotay for not pressing her for a decision a long time ago already. It almost seemed schizophrenic. If she was honest, really honest with herself, she had to admit there actually wasn't anything to decide. It wasn't a question of "if" anymore, it had become a question of "when". Startled by the sudden clarity of her thoughts, Janeway got up and moved to the windows to look out at the stars. Now that the decision had been acknowledged (for it had been made a long time ago already, she just hadn't realized it until now), it seemed clear what she had to do. But how, she had no idea. She couldn't just walk up to Chakotay and say, "By the way, I changed my mind. You were right all along. What's for dinner?" He would think she was toying with him once again. She had to surprise him, make it look like they arrived at the same decision at the same time, together. An idea started to take shape in her mind and she smiled. He would be surprised indeed...
Over dinner in the mess hall, Tuvok thought back to his discussion with Captain Janeway. She had seemed distant somehow, lost in thought and not really paying attention to the matter at hand. He had been surprised at her lack of concern about the rumors; maybe he should talk to Chakotay about it. After all, the first officer was just as responsible for the recent rise in crew's speculations as was the captain. Tuvok's thoughts were interrupted by a voice from behind. "Mind if I sit down?" He looked up. Tom Paris stood next to his table, tray in hand. He looked slightly uncomfortable, Tuvok noted. This intrigued him. During their whole time on _Voyager_, he could only remember two times when Paris had asked permission to sit next to him, and both times every other seat in the mess hall had been occupied. He nodded his approval. "Please." Paris slid into the seat opposite the chief of security and started picking at his food. He silently cursed Harry and B'Elanna for talking him into this. Their words were still ringing in his ears... "We've got to do *something*." B'Elanna Torres was getting impatient. "Yes, but Tuvok?? He'll laugh at us -- or he *would*, if he weren't Vulcan." Paris' dry retort wasn't received well. "The captain even said herself that we should talk to him -- or would you rather try Chakotay?" "You know him better than I do, you tell me." "No." Harry Kim's voice cut in. "Stop it, you two. I thought we all agreed on this." "You did. I didn't." "Tom..." "Look, if you want to talk to Tuvok, fine. But leave me out of this, okay?" Torres was getting angrier by the moment. "And who's idea was this whole business in the first place? Who set up the betting pools and fueled the rumors? None of us would be in this situation without *your* great ideas." Paris was about to reply when Kim interrupted, determination clear in his voice. "Enough. If you keep tearing each other apart it won't help. How about we draw sticks," he extracted something from his salad which had the distinct appearance of hay and which none of them would have eaten anyway, "and whoever loses will have to talk to Tuvok. No more arguments." Grudgingly, the other two agreed, and Kim proceeded with his preparations for the 'lottery'... Paris sighed inwardly. Of course he had lost He should have refused while he still had the chance. He stole a glance at Torres and Kim's table. They gave him a thumbs-up and encouragingly nodded in Tuvok's direction. Paris mentally prepared himself. Better to get this over with quickly. "Tuvok, there's something I've been meaning to ask you..." Tuvok regarded him steadily, not a hint of curiosity showing in his impassive features. "Yes, Lieutenant?" "I was wondering if you had noticed that quite a few couples have formed aboard _Voyager_ over the past few months." "Indeed, I am aware of the development." *So far, so good,* Paris thought. "Then no doubt you are also aware that some people keep to themselves even though everyone else thinks that they should be involved?" Something in Tuvok's eyes showed Paris that he'd gotten him interested. *Here goes nothing.* "Undoubtedly you are referring to the rumors circulating the ship; rumors which you, I presume, are eager to spread and keep alive." Tuvok's stare was positively intimidating now. Paris refused to back down. Affecting a conviction he didn't really feel, he nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly. And you know what?" No answer was forthcoming. He hadn't expected one, either. "I think they need a push in the right direction, to realize that there is absolutely nothing to keep them from doing what the rumors say they're already doing anyway." Tuvok purposefully put his fork down. "Lieutenant, even you should be aware that regulations state --" "-- that fraternization among senior officers is not deemed appropriate onboard a Federation starship. Believe me, I've read the book, I know the rules. But try to forget those rules and regulations for just one moment, and look at our specific situation: We're decades away from home, and no new personnel will be coming aboard anytime soon. It's only natural that people are starting to pair off. None of us has your ability to suppress our emotions for any length of time and besides, our life spans are much shorter than yours. Humans are made to live in pairs, Tuvok. Everyone should be allowed to have a relationship with whoever she or he pleases, and before they're too old to enjoy it." Tuvok was beginning to think that there might be a point to the conversation after all. "And why are you coming to me with this... 'plight'?" "Because I think that some people on this ship -- actually one person in particular -- might look to you as an example for conduct becoming a senior officer. Only that in this case your way of life may not be the most desirable for that person's continued health and happiness. And only you can convince her otherwise -- discreetly of course, because Vulcan's probably don't like being thought of as matchmakers." Paris sat back, having said all he wanted to say. He couldn't tell though if it had been enough, whether he had convinced Tuvok of his views. After several minutes of silence, Tuvok picked up his fork again. "Your line of reasoning appears sound. My way of life may indeed prove a wrong example for the psychological well-being of certain crew members. I will endeavor to correct these crew members' views... in a manner which will not arouse suspicion by said persons." And he continued eating, effectively dismissing the younger lieutenant. Paris almost cheered. Instead he just grabbed his tray and stood, a huge grin plastered on his face. "Thanks, Tuvok. I knew I could count on you." And he was off, making his way back to B'Elanna and Harry who had been watching the entire exchange with growing impatience and curiosity. And Tuvok began to plan...
to be continued...
© 1999 by Hester
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avid readers since November 17, 1999
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