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It was a dark, dark time in the force.

The old master could feel it in her bones.

She could sense it... even before she knew it to be true... and now,
there was no denying it.

The words printed on the screen told the story true enough:

"Ding dong dell
The dead is REL
The REL is DEAD"

With a sense of foreboding she realised that her old nemesis was back.

Darth Dann.
It sounded like a name that should belong to a person with an interest
in aquatic sports, but Darth Dann was not one to be
trifled with. He was better looking than Maul and more powerful than
Vader, for he had the might of marketing on his side.

Things did not bode well for the old master.
She knew that she was a REL-ic of a bygone age, that her REL-igion was
one that had long lost favour with the denizens of
this place. In some ways it would be a REL-ief to succumb to the
darkness of the quotewar, the mutatothreads, the general
stupidness of the non-screening  period. She would once again be
REL-egated to the status of outsider, a REL-uctant onlooker to
a way that was foreign and unknown.

She shook herself from her contemplation of the horror that loomed
before her. There was nothing wrong with her REL-igiose
attachment to her faith! There was honour in the REL! Though, she
REL-ented, the days of the REL were numbered. The old
ones had already moved on. She was there in the heady days of reviewers
such as Antti, Leith, Holly and Wolfgang. She
remembered when Danny could be bothered writing REL, when even Darth
Dann belonged to the force, strong and true.

But those days were gone. Gone like Scully's cancer... no-one could
explain exactly how, or why, it had happened. She knew
that the REL-ocation had something to do with it, as did the Network's
insistence on ratings, and CC's distraction in a
'Harsh Realm', but there was no REL-iable explanation as to what had
happened to the force... somehow it had changed. The
'Ravings' had ended. The show, according to some, was merely a
REL-iquiae of what it had been... the remains of something
once great. Was there any hope that the force could be REL-umed?

Yes, yes there was.

She had noticed her from afar. The posts, week after week. Reviews no
less. REL.
Then, the "Season Seven in Review". The force was strong in this one.

No-one could 'appoint' a REL master, it was a title that must be earned.

A title that is awarded by the newsgroup.
She feared that the REL was so weak that this might not happen.

The new message box appeared on her screen.
What was this?
A REL reply, by Danny no less?
Discussion of 'Season Seven in Review'?
Her hear skipped a beat.
She opened the message with anticipation and could not believe what she
saw.

Danny wrote:
"... I make a proposal that, if Emma is willing, you take her
as your REL apprentice, princess, or whatever title is fitting? ... "

EmmaREL.
It is the title of a REL master.
She could REL-inquish her own place so that another may follow.
The could join the REL-iquary - that was a suitable place for REL-ics
such as she.
The new ones could take over the faith. She could REL-y on that.

RachREL sighed a sigh of REL-ief.
The REL was dead.
Long live the REL!

Let the silliness start.

#####

AWARDS

The "eager-anticipation" award goes to Epiphany and Emma for their
contribution to the "Getting ready for Requiem tonight"
thread. Good to see the eagerness abounding.

To Ingrid and dewatf, the "keeping the faith" award for services to the
definition of Buddhism in the "Je Souhaite
(Spoilers)" thread.

The "RELevancy will be rewarded" award to ... EmmaREL (who else) for her
Requiem review and her "REL: Differing Media
Perspectives on 'Requiem'" post (tagged no less I might add - TAGGED!!!)

To Mab, $teve, Christopher, Heath, Aimee, Ingrid, dewatf, Vanessa,
RachREL, Epiphany, (and others if I've forgotten you) the
"IVF Award" for services to paternity detection in various threads
relating to Scully's pregnancy.

The "Welcome Back Kotter" award to Daniel Lam... o/'welcome back,
welcome back, welcome back'o/

The "NatGat is fun" award to $teve for reminding us not to take life too
seriously in the "Natgatcat2000: The Word from the
Self Appointed Official Mascot" thread. To quote the master "... Natgat
[is] a fun place for ATXFers all to gather together
to celebrate...even if we can't alway remember what the name of that
show is...y'know...the one we watch?..."
The "Evidentary it's empirical" award, to Rob Whyte for is contribution
to the "Requiem question" thread. A man with
foresight... or at least a white X on the road outside his house.

No 'X-Report' would be quite complete without the traditional
"interview". Unfortunately, as is the tradition with X-Reports,
we haven't had time to do one. So, EmmaREL, please fill in the blanks!

****

[And indeed she did. The completed interview has been added here. Ken]

THE OBLIGATORY AUS.TV.X-FILES INTERVIEW with ... Emma!

AGE: 17

YOUR FIRST X-FILES EPISODE: Well, the movie was the first X-Files related
thing I watched and thus, the catalyst for my obsession, but my actual
first episode was 'F.Emasculata', seen on FOX8 earlier this year.  

YOUR FAVOURITE X-FILES EPISODE: Why do you ask such difficult questions?!
Unfortunately, I don't have one absolute favourite...maybe if you asked
for a specific favourite episode like mythology, funny, 'shippy, I could
answer properly.

But for the purpose of this question, 'Requiem', 'Redux II', 'Memento
Mori', 'Bad Blood', 'Post-Modern Prometheus', 'The End' have all ranked
recently in my top ten episode list, so I suppose that I consider them
'favourites'.

YOUR FAVOURITE X-FILES CHARACTER: Scully...she's a great female role model. 

WHY DO YOU LIKE THE X-FILES: Where do I begin? The main attraction for me
is how intelligent it is in respect to the multitude of garbage shows on
TV today. I love the government conspiracies, paranormal phenomena and the
premise that drives the show, that the truth is out there. And, of course,
being the hopeless romantic that I am, the relationship between Mulder and
Scully is the icing on the cake. :D

WHAT COMPUTER DO YOU USE: At present, a Macintosh PowerBook G3. In the
past, I've been known to use a Macintosh LC II and a Macintosh 520c
laptop. Can you detect a degree of bias towards one certain 'fruity'
brand?!

MARITAL STATUS: Single

DESPERATION STATUS: Moderately desperate

OTHER MUST SEE SHOWS: The Simpsons, Chicago Hope

BEST PART OF AUS.TV.X-files: Ummm...ahhhh...errmmm...let me get back to
you on that one! *five minutes elapses* I've got it! The times when
everyone's actually talking REL... :)

X-FILES MAGIC MOMENT: Another question where I have to actually THINK
about the answer...what are you trying to do, Rachael, give me a permanent
headache?! 
I'm not sure what I'd classify as a 'magic moment', but I'll try. 

Okay, a magic moment for me is one that gets me emotionally involved, and
the end scene of 'all things' does exactly that. (And the fact that I was
just listening to Moby's track, 'The Sky is Broken' has nothing to do with
it, I swear!) Similarly, the dance scene at the end of 'Post-Modern
Prometheus', the end scene of 'SEII: Amor Fati', Mulder's reunion with
Samantha in 'Closure', and the hallway scene in the movie, all have the
same effect. 

IF YOU FOUND MULDER NAKED, TIED UP AND SMEARED WITH CHOCOLATE
SAUCE, YOU WOULD: Call Scully and let her deal with it. I'm not one to
intervene in a loving couple's relationship. :)

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE NET: Since 1995...five years...wow, I feel old.

INSERT WITTY QUESTION AND ANSWER OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING:

I only get ONE question?! 

*WHAT IS THE ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WOULD GIVE TO AN ALIEN WANTING TO
VISIT EARTH?: Trust no-one (especially not the US government, men in white
lab coats, or anyone claiming that 'the truth is in you'.)

Emma :-)

or maybe that should be...

EmmaREL :-)

#####

The end.

ALL DONE. BYE BYE.