Home > ATXF > Nostalgia > Re:TAN: 101 reasons to impale Robin COMPLETED.

Subject: Re:TAN: 101 reasons to impale Robin COMPLETED.
From: s346910@student.uq.edu.au (Sciby)
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 05:28:45 GMT
Organization: University of Queensland

On Wed, 10 Dec 1997 10:32:49 +1000, elizabeth angus
<elizabeth.angus@lib.monash.edu.au> wrote:

>Leith Webb wrote:
>> 
>> elizabeth angus <elizabeth.angus@lib.monash.edu.au> wrote thus to
>> aus.tv.x-files:
>> 
>> >Leith Webb wrote:
>> >> You owe Leith 101 reasons why I shouldn't impale you. [smiles and awaits Robin's
>> >> reply]
>> 
>> >What about the rest of us coming up with 101 reasons why you SHOULD?!
>> 
>> <looks thoughtful> Yes, go right ahead!
>
>Hmmmm...
>
>1) It would be fun for you
>2) It would be fun for the rest of us :)
>3) It mightn't be much fun for Robin, but is that necessarily a
>negative    thing?
>4) Its the off season and my life needs livening up (somehow an      
>impalement seems just the event to achieve that)
>5) ...to be continued...
6) Public impalings attract quite a crowd and that leads to popularity
and dinner party invites.
7) Vlad the Impaler apparently started the myth of vampires by
impaling his enemies and drinking their blood. Start your own myth.
8) Be the envy of your friends and neighbours with your very own...
ROBIN-ONA-STICK!! (tm) (Not affiliated with Robin-ina-bun (tm)
products.)
9) Jam a torch in his mouth and use him as a front yard security
light.

[I have a feeling this is starting to turn into "uses for Robin with a
stick up his bum", but, I'll go on.]

10) Impaling is good for clearing those annoying bowel obstructions.
11) Also clears the nasal passages.
12) It entertains the kids.
13) It brings the family together in a wholesome outdoors setting.
14) Good comebacks for Robin:
stranger="That guy walks like he's got a stick up his arse."
Robin="Well actually....."
15) It will help keep the timber industry afloat. "Keep that lumber
comin'!"
16) Impaling Robin would put him at such a height that he wouldn't be
able to reach his keyboard, therefore we could say what we wants on
here about him and never fear any retribution, not that it happens
now.  :)
17) Slient flatulence. No more embarrassing noises in public for
Robin. [see: Corks in Bottoms. At your local library.]
18)  Robin can hire himself out to clean roof gutters without a
ladder. (Must be a long pole though.)
19) Robin would break all the world records for pole-sitting.
20) Staple-gun a bowl of seed to his head and use him as a bird
feeder.
21) Sell him to the English to use as a maypole.
22) Sell him to one of those medieval reenactment societies for use as
a prisoner of war and to provide realistic screams of agony.
23) Would make the olympic pole-vaulting team no worries.
24) They say height makes the man. (Well, it makes him taller for
one.)

BTW, all these are based on  the presumition that the entry point for
the spike would be... erm... "up the jacksy".

25) He would become such a world wide icon that the Spice Girls would
use him in their second movie, "Spice World 2: The Lost Silicon.".
Robin would help them scour the world for Geri's (Ginger Spice) left
breast.
26) Impaling cures everything. According to my Granddad. Even piles.
27) It will show Robin who's boss. (No not Tony "My characters' name
is also Tony because I don't react to any other name" Danza.)
28) Pruning the tops of trees need never be a problem again.
29) Hurting someone is the best way to inner peace. (Buddha said it!
Honest!)
30) The enviromentalists will be happy because you use replantationed
timber to impale Robin with. 
31) BHP won't be happy with you because you didn't use a metal spike.
But that's okay because they're rich already. And the blow up things
quite esaily and need all the money they can get.
32) Impaling someone is an excellent way of making an example of
someone to keep the rest of the populance in line. Seig Heil!
33) You would be keeping traditions of the old days alive. But
remember to speak only in "Ye olde Englishe" when impaling.
34) You would learn a new skill, which you could add to your resume.
(It would show that you're an aggresive go-getter.)
35) It would appease the Gods (Alive and dead.)
36) It would appease the ATXF Elders (~teve and Trevor, either alive
or dead. :)
37) Because you know you want to.
38) Because you can.
39) Because Saints Mulder and Scully said so.
40) Because there is no better icebreaker than, "I impaled a person
today. So, what's your sign?"
41) You would be supporting your local funeral home.
42) Your family will love and respect you for it.
43) Many will come from miles around to see "The Amazing Boy ona
Spike" ($8.00 Adult $4.00 Children/Pensioners $20.00 Family group)
44) Because the fate of the Rebel Alliance rests on your spike.
45) Because Picard would to it. (Only when he's alone in his stateroom
though, never in front of the crew. That would show a weakness for
carnal pursuits.)
46) Because Saddam probably has done it and we all know what a
trendsetter he is.
47) Because there's bound to be a story about someone who did it on
Good News Week.
48) Because Robin might be desperately asking for it. : )
49) It's an all-weather sport.
50) Because Robin might split in half, and that's funny.
51) Because Robin might cry, and that's even funnier.
52) Because $teve's never done it.
53) It will correct any posture problems (major or minor) that Robin
has.
54) We'll all respect you for it.
55) If you do it, we'll be your friend.... aw... you're mean.
56) Homer would do it.
57) The mayor would give the key to the city.
58) The Prime Minister would give you the Order of Australia.
59) Everyone loves an impaling.
60) If you impale someone you get a free small slurpee at
Seven-Eleven.
61) You could sell merchandise ie: "I saw Robin squirm on a spike."
t-shirts, mini-figurines, key-chains...
62) Because Red Five is standing by.
63) Who else is going to impale Robin?
64) Impaling is better than flaying.
65) Because Barney the dinosaur loves you.
66) Because the ghost of Versace demands it.
67) And a nice silk tie.
68) Because the pixilated ghost of $teve 2.01 demands it.
69) Nobody likes an impaler-piker. 
70) Because NextGen is better than Old Fogie Star Trek.
71) The Queen would send you a telegram to thank you for it.
72)  You could start a cult of impalers, who end up impaling
themselves as FBI agents storm the compound.
73) Impaling never hurt anyone. (Er... except for the impalees.)
74) Because your job depends on it! Now get back to work.
75) Impaling a person will get you away from the idiot box.
76) It will get you away from the nasty radiation box called the
computer.
77) It could start a fashion craze; blood-soaked jeans, perfect round
holes alll through them...
78) Impaling someone WON'T make you go blind.
79) Or give you hairy palms.
80) Or make you insane.
81) Impaling can be done alone or in groups.
82) Impaling someone is relaxing.
83) It will make you forget your troubles.
84) It will instil fear into the hearts of your enemies.
85) Because the little devil on your left shoulder said Do it.
86) Who are you to resist it eh?
87) You don't think we haven't all thought of doing it at one time or
another?
88) It's a prerequisite at Uni now.
89) But it does give you some course credit. (Only for politics and
physiology classes.)
90) Because no beer and no tv make Homer go something something.
91) How can you say no to those big brown eyes. (Oop, that's got a
double meaning. Aaa, I'll leave it in.)
92) Because we'll get David Duchovny to give you a big sloppy kiss if
you do.
93) Just do it.
94) Because I asked you to. 
95) Because it's a national sport in Romania. And Albania.
96) What better way to spend an afternoon.
97) Because Australia has the best proctologists in the world.
98) Because Robin may just like it.
99) Because there's nothing more romantic than watching the moon rise
over a pitted Robin.
100) You can practise with moths and toothpicks.
101) Because it just feels so damn good!

Sciby the all typed out.