Star Trek Jokes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's Locutus's favourite beer?
Carlsborg.

What is Data's favorite song?
"I Left My Head in San Francisco"

Did you hear that the Star Trek Doctors from The Next Generation, The Original Series and Deep Space Nine are setting up their own medical practice?
They're going to call it "Crusher, Bones and Bashir."

How many Borg does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them.

How many VULCANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Aproximately One Point Zero Zero Zero Zero .......

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb ?
None of your business, huu-mahn !!!

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
We don't need a light bulb, but if we did, we could take it from you !

How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
The filthy Cardassians tok our light bulb !

How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Burned out light bulbs have NO honor. And a true Klingon Warrior is not afraid of the dark !

How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Both of them.

How many BORG does it take to change a light bulb ?
Light bulbs are irrelevant. Changing them is futile.

How many BETAZIODS does it take to change a light bulb ?
I sense it has already changed.

How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it.

How many FEDERATION SHUTTLE PILOTS does it take to change a light bulb?
Ooooops ! I dropped it !

How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb ?
Here, now, Wouldn't you rather have this Super-Nova ?

How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb ?
I will change IN TO the light bulb.

How many HORTAS does it take to change a light bulb ?
NO CHANGE I

How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb ?
1,561,761 .......uhh,62....,ummm,63......64......

How many TREKKIES does it take to change a light bulb ?
Okay, so ,y'know, like, in that episode wher Spock gets attacked by those vomit looking things, and, like, he starts doing weird stuff, like, he takes over the ship and it gets Kirk really mad, so they find out that they can use this super-bright light, but it was bogus, 'cause McCoy used the wrong kind of light, and it makes Spock blind ,so, like......what kind of light bulb are you talking about ??

Scotty :
"Why, ya lilly livered poor excuse for a silly puddy potato head, I oughta blast ye t Ceti Alpha Six !"

McCoy :
" I'm a Doctor, not a solider !"

Geordi :
" Reroute the phase inducers and heterodyne the frequency of the warp coil !"

Worf :
" yopwaHHomwIj yISop, romuluSngan ! " ( Eat my shorts, Romulan !)

Spock :
(Raises eyebrow)

Data :
" Romulan commander ! your actions are most unnecessary and are not in keeping with the established treaties. May I advice you of the current political situation which threatens the very continuity of the principles involved. A corrollary I might point out would be that of ....."

Riker :
" Sheilds UP ! Red ALERT ! Captain to the BRIDGE !"

Picard :
" Open hailing frequencies so that I can cower and plead !"

Troi :
" I feel, I feel, uhhhhh ! "

Kirk :
" FIRE !"

RESISTANCE IS IRELAVENT.EATING IS IRELAVENT.WE ARE IRELAVENT.BARNEY IS IREVENT(TRUE TRUE)...

I am Pentium of Borg Division is futile You will be approximated

What do the Borg use as a spreadsheet?
Locutus 1-2-3

"I am NBC of Borg. You will be Affiliated"

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2. One to change the lightbulb and one to ask whats so funny!

Q. How many Ferengi does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two: one to do it and the other to sell the broken one to an unsuspecting customer.

Q. How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two: one to do it and the other to moan "darkness, I sense darkness!"

Q. How long does it take Commander Riker to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Nothing, Riker's too busy screwing other things.

How do you know if you're facing Captain Picard?
Because you are blinded by the reflection off his head.

We are Tribbles of Borg. Prepare to be replicated.
I am Popeye of Borg. You will be askimilgrated.
I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be aswimiwated.
I am Porky of Borg. You will be as-s-sim, as-s-sim, oh forget it.
I am Hugh of Borg. We want to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend. He can watch.
Yoda of Borg am I. Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, I will.
I am Sajak of Borg. R_sist_nc_ is futil_.
I am Trebek of Borg. For $200, it starts with "R" and is futile.
I am Barney of Borg. Being assimilated is fun.

BorgCola, choice of the Next Generation.
BorgerKing. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
Borg Sticker. "Don't like our driving? Call 1-800-IRRELEVANT."

How many Betazoids does it take to change a light bulb?
No, no. no. The light bulb has to _want_ to change first.

How many first officers does it take to change a light bulb?
normally one, but if that is Riker it then it takes 2, Riker to pose while the other changes the light bulb

top ten hobbies of William T. Riker:
10. Posing behind Picard.
9.Posing behind Worf.
8. Posing in front of that young ensign down in engineering.
7. Posing in front of Picard.
6. Posing on the Engineering table in engineering when nobodies there.
5. Falling asleep during one of Jean-Luc's lectures in the breifing room.
4. Posing in front, behind and anywhere in the vicinity of Deanna/Ro.
3. As 4 but when I have her alone and naked in my quarters.
2. Something involving and chocolate....
and the number 1 hobby of commander William T. Riker is..
1. Do you really need to ask....?

Q: How many tribbles does it take to change a litebulb?
A: 2. One to change the litebulb and one to sit on Kirks head!!

What did they find in the starship Enterprises toilet? (If any.)
The Captain's log.

Q. How many Fenengi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One to screw it in and another to sell tickets to watch.

I am Java of Borg. Coffee is irrelevant. You will be decaffinated.

Top ten reasons Star Trek Next Gen. cancelled.
10)Writers discovered that plots were left out of 156 episodes.
9)Worf discovered to be half-Irish.
8)Toy Geordi visors causing rash of traffic accidents across country.
7)Discovered that after all these years concept of Starship Enterprise actually upside down
6)Poor sales of Capt. Pickard skinhead wigs.
5)Series so politically correct, causing epidemic of nausea across North America.
4)Faulty Intel processor causes Data to occasionally scream obscenities at fellow cast members.
3)More profit in crummy "Star Trek" movies.
2)Ran out of new "poses" for Fider character.
1)Patrick Stewart refused to have another Borg implant operation for sequel.

How many DOCTOR McCOYS does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Goddamit, Jim; I'm a DOCTOR, not an electrician!"