13 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn

By Dave Barry

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, he WILL NOT use, as his messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
• Never lick a steak knife.
• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails).
• Your friends will love you anyway.
• Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.